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Divorce, loss, and starting over.


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#16    Guest_J.P._*

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Posted 02 February 2012 - 11:58 PM

View PostBeckys_Mom, on 02 February 2012 - 11:55 PM, said:

Wait, you are a guy that loves to talk?   Do you mean like - Feelings etc?  


If so  WOW...   I have not met a guy like that...My hubby does not like to talk.. .UNLESS it is about cars, technical stuff and computers .....
Yeah, I am. Hate sports and cars.


#17    Beckys_Mom

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Posted 02 February 2012 - 11:59 PM

View PostJ.P., on 02 February 2012 - 11:58 PM, said:

Yeah, I am. Hate sports and cars.

*faints*... WOW  well there's a first...I don't think I have  ever met  guys who liked to talk.. well talk about feelings.. Hence the joke -  Guys are like mascara, 1st signs of emotions... they run  lol Posted Image  just an old joke

Edited by Beckys_Mom, 03 February 2012 - 12:02 AM.

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#18    Guest_J.P._*

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 12:08 AM

View PostBeckys_Mom, on 02 February 2012 - 11:59 PM, said:

*faints*... WOW  well there's a first...I don't think I have  ever met  guys who liked to talk.. well talk about feelings.. Hence the joke -  Guys are like mascara, 1st signs of emotions... they run  lol Posted Image  just an old joke
Haha, I have so much emotion that it makes me crazy. Only 5'3" though so have a bit of a complex with that. :)


#19    MissMelsWell

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 01:54 AM

Dude, get an attorney NOW.You need to do a legal separation if you haven't already then you need to work out the parenting plan and work though the assets division. She will likely end up owing YOU support.

You need to get your car back pronto. It's admirable that you want her to keep it so she can keep caring for this kid (who it sound like is not your kid?) but unfortunately, now is not the time to be a good and giving guy; she needs learn to be resourceful and now is the time. If you put the title in her name do NOT do that without an attorney, she needs to buy the car from you. I'm not kidding. I got screwed in a similar situation during my divorce. My ex took my car, that I bought, although we were both on the title, and the ass SOLD it while he was "borrowing" it. Your lawyer will likely insist she give the car back to you.

When my 12 year marriage broke up, I'll make no bones about it, I saw a counselor. It helped me learn that I could NOT blame myself for the affairs of my ex. Check into community counseling, it's often free.

Also, get out of the house. Go volunteer somewhere or something... you have spare time on your hands and it'll give you a chance to network and maybe lead to a job too. It's two fold. Not doing something is affecting you badly, and if you're in a bad emotional state, you won't make wise choices going forward.

And last but not least, the goal you're shooting for is an equitable parenting plan, get your fair share, you'll need a lawyer for that... and emotionally, you have to work yourself into a place where when you see her, you feel... ambivilant. No emotion, not hate, not love, not anything... she's just another person. I found when I got to that point, and he was no longer invading my emotions, I did a lot better for my kids, for me, and for everyone around me. I'm not saying it's easy to get there, but know that's the goal and work toward it.

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#20    Neognosis

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 02:02 PM

Quote

I crave that (forgive me) female comforting thing. My wife was never like that, ever. She wouldn't talk to me about stuff. I'd kill to pour my guts out to a girl that didn't see me as a relative or a monster.

Sounds like you were not a good match, and I'm sure that you will find someone who is the things that your wife wasn't.


#21    Robbie333

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 03:29 PM

View PostJ.P., on 02 February 2012 - 10:27 PM, said:

Thanks for all the well wishes and advice. I'll explain in more detail and let me know what you think. I'm allowing her to use the car because she takes care of a special needs child and I didn't want him to suddenly not have her around. She is great with him. The car is in my name as well.
Also, we do have a child who is 11 years old. His name is Aidan and without him I would die. I've moved back in with my parents, have no job (but am looking), and am really afraid. For so long I had a good paying job, nice appartment, a car I owned, a wonderful family. I am lost in my heart and in my soul.

        I know you do not want to hear this at this time but " One door closes and another opens". Sometime in your life you may look back and understand that this hardship is a blessing in disquise. Stay strong and stay connected to your son. The child is the most important thing. Stay connected. It is not going to be easy but I would bet much that in a year or two that your life will be twice as good as it was before. God Bless

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#22    Robbie333

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 03:31 PM

View PostBeckys_Mom, on 02 February 2012 - 11:59 PM, said:

*faints*... WOW  well there's a first...I don't think I have  ever met  guys who liked to talk.. well talk about feelings.. Hence the joke -  Guys are like mascara, 1st signs of emotions... they run  lol Posted Image  just an old joke


     Oh no. Here comes my phobia. My hands are shaking now. You mean, gulp, actually talk about our feelings with the opposite sex. Oh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, LOL

Robbie James

#23    rashore

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 03:31 PM

I somehow doubt either of you are monsters J.P.. Just a couple of people that are going through an emotional roller coaster. Kind of sounds like you two have been in two different cars of the coaster for a while now.
And I do get it.. My hubby talks about emotions, does not like sports, and a car is just a traveling device. I'm the one that squeals over hot rods, lol.
It'll be rough, but you will do just fine. Get with your lawyer and resolve that car situation pronto.. And then just take it a day at a time.


#24    J. K.

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 10:01 PM

Hang in there, man.  I know that sounds trite and corny.  Above, don't stop living.  Reconnect with things make you who you are.  I gave up so much during my marriage that I was nearly a non-entity when we divorced.  After some time, I returned to doing some activities that I had previously enjoyed, and started becoming more content with my life.  Do not let the junk that happened define you: you sound like a decent guy and you need to treat yourself as such, not in the trashy way that she treated you.

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#25    Guest_J.P._*

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 12:18 AM

View PostJ. K., on 03 February 2012 - 10:01 PM, said:

Hang in there, man.  I know that sounds trite and corny.  Above, don't stop living.  Reconnect with things make you who you are.  I gave up so much during my marriage that I was nearly a non-entity when we divorced.  After some time, I returned to doing some activities that I had previously enjoyed, and started becoming more content with my life.  Do not let the junk that happened define you: you sound like a decent guy and you need to treat yourself as such, not in the trashy way that she treated you.
Hey thanks...but she called today to tell me that she and our son are moving to Texas in a month. I live in Vermont. Pretty much killed me...not sure while I'll be getting up in the morning next month. Seems all too much...


#26    libstaK

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 01:10 AM

View PostJ.P., on 05 February 2012 - 12:18 AM, said:

Hey thanks...but she called today to tell me that she and our son are moving to Texas in a month. I live in Vermont. Pretty much killed me...not sure while I'll be getting up in the morning next month. Seems all too much...

Hey J.P. I am going to go left of centre and offer something that YOU need right now which is not related to legal proceedings or the divorce per se.  Get out of the house, you love to talk and share your feelings so join a group, maybe something like Tae Kwon Doe or Yoga or Tai Chi, perhaps meditation.  Usually these types of groups include a bunch of people who also love to share their feelings and listen too.  I don't know if you have a spiritual side - but it doesn't matter, we have an atheist in my meditation group who just happens to be open minded and likes the mind exercise of meditation practice.  You need to have a little less time with nothing but your own thoughts and there are safe social environments for you, have a look around and see what makes you comfortable.

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#27    rashore

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 01:14 AM

View PostJ.P., on 05 February 2012 - 12:18 AM, said:

Hey thanks...but she called today to tell me that she and our son are moving to Texas in a month. I live in Vermont. Pretty much killed me...not sure while I'll be getting up in the morning next month. Seems all too much...


You seriously need a lawyer. Your state may be different, but I'm pretty sure in most states a parent cannot move a child to another state without the other parents consent.


#28    MissMelsWell

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 04:38 PM

View PostJ.P., on 05 February 2012 - 12:18 AM, said:

Hey thanks...but she called today to tell me that she and our son are moving to Texas in a month. I live in Vermont. Pretty much killed me...not sure while I'll be getting up in the morning next month. Seems all too much...

Dude, you need a lawyer IMMEDIATELY. Tomorrow morning, get up, go to the attorney's office and stop that move. It won't take much. She can't take your kid out of state and that will be the first thing your lawyer does, he'll stop her from taking him out of state, or even to another town. Priority one. Go get an attorney! Get the car back and keep your kid in Vermont! You can't make that happen unless you have a lawyer.

If she leaves the state and takes  the kid with her before you have a lawyer, it will be VERY hard to get them back. You should flle for the divorce first as well. That means that court will have to happen in Vermont, not Texas. If she files in Texas, you could find yourself having to go there to end this mess. Just end it dude... get a lawyer and end it. She's not coming back. Get your fair share, and your CHILD!

Edited by MissMelsWell, 05 February 2012 - 04:41 PM.

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#29    Guest_J.P._*

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 11:23 PM

View PostMissMelsWell, on 05 February 2012 - 04:38 PM, said:

Dude, you need a lawyer IMMEDIATELY. Tomorrow morning, get up, go to the attorney's office and stop that move. It won't take much. She can't take your kid out of state and that will be the first thing your lawyer does, he'll stop her from taking him out of state, or even to another town. Priority one. Go get an attorney! Get the car back and keep your kid in Vermont! You can't make that happen unless you have a lawyer.

If she leaves the state and takes  the kid with her before you have a lawyer, it will be VERY hard to get them back. You should flle for the divorce first as well. That means that court will have to happen in Vermont, not Texas. If she files in Texas, you could find yourself having to go there to end this mess. Just end it dude... get a lawyer and end it. She's not coming back. Get your fair share, and your CHILD!
I have been avoiding this but...I have no money guys/girls! I am living with my parents and have no job. I can't afford a lawyer! Plus he doesn't know yet and when she tells him I know he'll put up a fight, then I can jump in. What if he wants to go??? I have to do right by him...right?


#30    glorybebe

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 11:38 PM

View PostJ.P., on 05 February 2012 - 11:23 PM, said:

I have been avoiding this but...I have no money guys/girls! I am living with my parents and have no job. I can't afford a lawyer! Plus he doesn't know yet and when she tells him I know he'll put up a fight, then I can jump in. What if he wants to go??? I have to do right by him...right?


Don't be reactive, be proactive.  I am not sure about the US, but in Canada, the lawyers have to do so much pro-bono work per year.  Go see as many lawyers as you have to to get one who will help you.

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