But I didn't believe in god. I never admitted it to myself let alone anyone else. But I just didn't believe this story I was being told. I didn't believe there was a god or the storys of the bible. It just didn't click as something believable to me.
So at a point in my life where I really decided to face this issue. Those questions did feel disturbing. The idea of not being able to go to heaven was scary and as a result I fell into this inner battle. That something was wrong with me for not being able to believe in god like a good person should. I felt guilty, alone, scared and many other conflicting emotions during this inner struggle.
But I finally got to the point where I decided to stop trying to believe in god. I simply decided that I was just going to go with my instinct. I also found out at this time in my life that I was not alone on this issue. That there are many people that don't believe in god and live happy and productive lives. When this happened I no longer felt those contradictIng emotions. It was actually a very opening experience. A huge relief was lifted from me. A very freeing experience.
I'm not trying to seem corny but it's hard to describe the feeling. Contrary to what many religious people would think. Letting go of that didn't in any way make me feel cut off from anything. Instead, I felt more connected to the world. Less restricted. I was presented with more possibilities and less restrictions. I could do bad or good and the consequences and responsibility of my actions are my own. If I want to be liked its up to me to earne that. If I want to be hated its up to me to earne that and face the consequences here while I'm alive instead of after I'm dead.
But I agree. Once someone really makes the conscious decision that they don't believe in god. It's highly unlikely that they'll say they hate being an atheist. Because making that decision requires them feel the lifted burden.
Edited by Magicjax, 31 March 2012 - 11:47 PM.