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My daughter is being abused


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#1    my_psychosis

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:06 PM

I was wondering if anybody had any ideas of  what I might do to help my daughter. She was in a relationship with a horrible man who abused her. About four months ago she left him, but I found out that last night she went back to him. I tried to find a chat room I could go to for this but I only found one and it was so full I could not get any answers. I have been a member here a long time. I don't log in to often though but when I do people here are always helpful so I thought somebody might be able to tell me what I could do to help her, or tell me of a chat room or some thing that could. She is 21 and can make her own decisions and i get that, but I'm her mom and I need to try to do something.

Onomatopoeia. Well, that doesn't change the fact that it's a dumb word. I mean, you gotta wonder what was going on in the room the day they needed to make up that word.
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#2    Leonardo

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:21 PM

It's a difficult situation because, as you say, she is an adult with the right to determine her own path. The options you have a varied, but depend on the circumstances of the abuse you say she is undergoing.

The mildest options start from just 'being a mother', talking to both her and this man. If he has issues then maybe he can resolve them with help. At the other end of the spectrum are the legal options. If you are convinced your daughter is in danger to her health, or even her life, and there is no hope of the abuse abating, and that she is unable or unwilling to acknowledge this, then you do have rights as a parent to intervene up to and including forcing her via legal means to undertake a psychological evaluation and possibly get a court-ordered regime of treatment for her.

However, that should be a last resort for obvious reasons. Hopefully, this person abusing her can be helped to end his behaviour.

Here is the link to the website of the Iowa Women's Health Service. There is a section on domestic violence and abuse and I would advise reading through this - and show this to your daughter, also.

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#3    Yes_Man

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:25 PM

We can't help you but we can guide you in the right direction. My advice is to watch out, if any violence is still being carried out, call the police. But Chat rooms? big no no.


#4    my_psychosis

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:36 PM

Thanks all. I guess I said things wrong as I am upset. I dont mean i just want to chat about it, I just thought that a chat room for this topic could tell me where to go to find some help. I have never had to deal with this and am lost as where to start.
I will sart with Leonardos link to the website of the Iowa Women's Health Service. That was what was looking for, a place to start. Thank you.

Onomatopoeia. Well, that doesn't change the fact that it's a dumb word. I mean, you gotta wonder what was going on in the room the day they needed to make up that word.
Bridgette Dubois ( from TV's Medium)

#5    Tia

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:11 PM

I'm sorry to hear this. I'd be happy to talk to you via pm if you'd like. My friend has a daughter who's situation is a bit similar but I don't feel in public is the place to discuss all the smaller details which is what you need to know to work out how to help her.

All I can say for now is look-up the site you've been given, do they have phone lines in the US for help? We have them in Australia they may also be able to advice you too. Lastly what ever you do keep as friendly as you can with your daughter and even with her partner for now so that way your daughter knows she can still come to you if needed and hopefully the partner won't see you as a threat and if controlling try to ban you from contact with your daughter. It's really important to keep in contact.

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#6    little_dreamer

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:17 AM

My advice is to contact the local support group mentioned above.   Also, let your daughter know she can contact you about anything, at any time.

She might need to go to a woman's shelter where he can have no further communication with her.   She also might want to change her cell phone number so he can't talk her into coming back to him.

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#7    Simbi Laveau

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 11:34 PM

....ok,im not being facetious,but maybe call Maury povich show,or Steve Wilkos show ?
I think a lot of the people they bring on,see what they are doing ,when it's out on film and played back .
Maury has helped some men see the error of their ways,and given some women the strength to leave these men.
Its very hard to watch this.I had a friend with a boyfriend like this,and I called the cops on him numerous times.

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#8    xCrimsonx

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:51 AM

Hugs! Pamphlets, contact your local Dr, shelter, councillor, Women's group and ask for information on spousal abuse.  Focus on info about mental, emotional and physical abuse. If you can get your daughter to just start reading a little bit she might just recognise her situation and realise she needs to look inside herself and save her esteem.  Write a letter to her explaining how you feel about how she's been treated. No matter how old she is she's still and will always be your baby no matter what and remind her that instinctively you will always have the concern to protect her.  Have you met this so called man she calls a partner yet???  If you get the chance or family visit, gentley inform the BF that she means the world to you and help him know for his sake he had better do the right thing by your daughter.,. This may just be a learning curve for her, but keep an eye out If she becomes complacent or spends more time making excuses bout his behaviour.  Posted Image  






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#9    Beckys_Mom

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 03:09 PM

Goes to show you, that a caring parent will  always be  so caring  no matter hold old their kids are...I see this from reading the OP..

I hope your daughter gets help ...hang in there...I admire you for your caring  support and thoughts towards your own daughter...




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#10    Sensible Logic

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 04:54 PM

First call for help may be another organization that may be able to help.

The sheer odds of a civilization advancing, developing space travel, deciding to search our little corner of the galaxy, arriving at just the right time and actually helping us is so huge, you would have a greater chance of winning several lotteries in a single year. - SensibleLogic

#11    Mistydawn

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Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:43 PM

View Postmy_psychosis, on 09 April 2012 - 01:06 PM, said:

I was wondering if anybody had any ideas of  what I might do to help my daughter. She was in a relationship with a horrible man who abused her. About four months ago she left him, but I found out that last night she went back to him. I tried to find a chat room I could go to for this but I only found one and it was so full I could not get any answers. I have been a member here a long time. I don't log in to often though but when I do people here are always helpful so I thought somebody might be able to tell me what I could do to help her, or tell me of a chat room or some thing that could. She is 21 and can make her own decisions and i get that, but I'm her mom and I need to try to do something.


My own single advice which is not up to much I  realise, is to try to get her alone and talk to her.

Chat rooms and advice on-line are all  very well intended, but seriouslly if she "went back to him" you need to get her away from him into a nutural environment and discuss things with her.
I hope you can help.

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#12    my_psychosis

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 12:46 AM

Thank you everybody!. I came here not to chat about it, as I agree with everbody it is personal, but I did not know where to start. So I asked here. And You all have given me ideas, help, support and kind words. I thank you all very much, I have been calling numbers and I have found a small group where I live (in person) to help me to help her. (I hope) Thanks again.

Onomatopoeia. Well, that doesn't change the fact that it's a dumb word. I mean, you gotta wonder what was going on in the room the day they needed to make up that word.
Bridgette Dubois ( from TV's Medium)

#13    Ashotep

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 11:37 PM

She is in love with him and right now she is overlooking the abuse.  If there is someone she admires, feels like she can talk to, like a friend her age or close relative, if you think this person will be supportive of the situation you might get them to talk to her.  Sometimes kids don't always want to listen to a parent and a outsider might get through to her.

Even when they get older you can't help but worry about them and their still your children.

Unless you see the abuse I don't know if you can do anything legally especially if she says it didn't happen.  If the opportunity comes up and you could get some pictures or better yet a movie of the abuse then let her see it that might change her mind about him.  I don't suggest you stand there filming while he beats her to a pulp.





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