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Learning to trust


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#1    markdohle

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 12:15 PM

Learning to trust


The vast majority of us know of our need of mercy in our lives.  When we experience forgiveness and mercy from our family and friends, or perhaps at times from acquaintances and strangers, it can come not only as a very healing surprise but it can at times alleviate, at least for a time, a certain type of inner loneliness an perhaps even isolation.  We feel seen, understood and forgiven.  However receiving mercy is not so much a problem.  It is in the giving that we perhaps have trouble in living out.

We seek mercy for different reasons.   One reason is that our personal understanding of what we did to hurt another was based on a misapprehension and if only the other party would listen to us, then al would be forgiven. We would be seen and understood and receive mercy.  The other is that we can at times do things to our loved one, co-workers and acquaintances, which if experienced by us would be felt as cruel, unjust and damaging to our relationship with them.  Trust would be either lost or lessened to such a degree that communication would be difficult.  This often happens because we can lack sensitivity and an understanding of what Jesus meant when he spoke of the Golden Rule:  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.   It is easy to objectify others and lose the connection and the sensitivity that they are like us and are not objects to be used and set aside.  This is done for the most part on an unconscious level and not from bad will.  Self centeredness is a given and it takes a lifetime to outgrow, at least when it causes harm to others

So relationships with others can be tricky from both sides.  What about our relationship with God?  We often make God out to be a very big person like us in many ways, which can be the cause of many problems in our ability to trust.  When offended we can be difficult, and it often takes time to get to the point of actually forgiving.  Even then it can only be a partial rendering of mercy.  Which is not mercy at all, though I believe we do the best we can.  We may understand our own weakness to a certain degree, but may have no comprehension of the weaknesses’ of others.  We react and allow our own fears to wall us in from others.  The only way to overcome this tendency to react is to make a conscious choice to trust, which is not easy.  We react, so it follows that if we think God is just like us, just bigger, then we may believe that God reacts as well.  So trust is difficult and must be chosen consciously, it is a free choice, often difficult.   Idols are hard to let go of.

God is not a big person in the sky, now does God react.  Jesus is merciful because he sees all and understands all.  When we pray the chaplet we are praying for all of mankind, it is a universal prayer, both for those living today, who have lived in the past and will have life in the future.  All are brought before the Father for healing and mercy.  Think about the words, their intention.  

Most of us have trouble trusting.  This prayer is one of trust, a letting go of fear and also slowly allowing this prayer to heal us from the damage that our own reactions to others can cause us.  We pray for enemies, our friends who have betrayed, for those who have abused us in any way.  We pray for all those who do evil, we ask mercy for all, and yes for all who are dying.  In this we join our prayers to Jesus Christ, the savior of the world.  The more we understand this prayer, the quicker will our trust in God grow and deepen.  We learn to show mercy to others, because we know of our own need for mercy.  We do not demand that others be better than us.  This is not easy, but struggle is a sign of inner self knowledge, which leads to deeper compassion and empathy for others and yes for our-selves.


#2    Beany

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 05:53 PM

For myself, it's important that I extend mercy & forgiveness to myself. What happens externally is of little import compared to what goes on internally in my life, my ability to love & honor & trust myself.


#3    markdohle

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 10:57 PM

View PostBeany, on 14 April 2012 - 05:53 PM, said:

For myself, it's important that I extend mercy & forgiveness to myself. What happens externally is of little import compared to what goes on internally in my life, my ability to love & honor & trust myself.

I agree my friend, that is foremost, but for many, myself included it has to be a choice and slowly the healing comes from that.  You are very wise my friend.

peace
mark


#4    Meiliken

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Posted 15 April 2012 - 05:39 AM

I trust no one.  Experience has taught me that people cannot be trusted anywhere.  Human nature is the nature of the animal.

The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself
Sir Richard Francis Burton

There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance
Hippocrates

A wise man proportions his belief to the evidence.
David Hume

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Aldous Huxley

#5    markdohle

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Posted 15 April 2012 - 12:38 PM

View PostMeiliken, on 15 April 2012 - 05:39 AM, said:

I trust no one.  Experience has taught me that people cannot be trusted anywhere.  Human nature is the nature of the animal.

Ok, not mine, some can be  :rolleyes: .  You seem trustworthy.  From what you say about yourself.

peace
mark


#6    Beany

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Posted 15 April 2012 - 03:49 PM

Human nature is funny, isn't it? My tendency is to trust, even though I've been burned a few times. But in looking back over my life, the large majority of people I've met were trustworthy. The ones that weren't do tend to stand out more, though, because they were huge jerky heads. I learned to trust my instincts & intuition about people, and let that guide me; and I refuse to let a few jerks influence how I am in the world. I see life on this planet as perhaps the greatest gift we can be given, and I mean to enjoy and savor it. And stay away from the jerks.


#7    markdohle

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Posted 15 April 2012 - 10:32 PM

View PostBeany, on 15 April 2012 - 03:49 PM, said:

Human nature is funny, isn't it? My tendency is to trust, even though I've been burned a few times. But in looking back over my life, the large majority of people I've met were trustworthy. The ones that weren't do tend to stand out more, though, because they were huge jerky heads. I learned to trust my instincts & intuition about people, and let that guide me; and I refuse to let a few jerks influence how I am in the world. I see life on this planet as perhaps the greatest gift we can be given, and I mean to enjoy and savor it. And stay away from the jerks.

Both funny and profound my friend.  As usual, gives me more to ponder.

peace
mark


#8    Beany

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Posted 15 April 2012 - 11:58 PM

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who tends to give more weight to the jerks & distressing times from my past, even though I've met hundreds of lovely people since then who more than make up for the jerks. I'm constantly re-training my mind to be more fair & equitable when reviewing the past, and have to consciously decide to choose to recall the more pleasant memories instead of the worst ones, or at least as many pleasant memories as the unpleasant ones, in order to see the balance in my life. I keep reminding myself of the saying "energy goes where attention flows".


#9    Meiliken

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 12:50 AM

View Postmarkdohle, on 15 April 2012 - 12:38 PM, said:

Ok, not mine, some can be  :rolleyes: .  You seem trustworthy.  From what you say about yourself.

peace
mark


Aye, though unlike 99% of the human race, I have honor.  My experience since birth has been to be betrayed by all people regardless of family, friends, or lovers.  I could say that it made me a better person by showing me what "not" to do.  So in an abstract way, I could say I am thankful for that.  Though it doesn't send me to sleep smiling.

The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself
Sir Richard Francis Burton

There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance
Hippocrates

A wise man proportions his belief to the evidence.
David Hume

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Aldous Huxley

#10    markdohle

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 12:46 PM

View PostMeiliken, on 16 April 2012 - 12:50 AM, said:

Aye, though unlike 99% of the human race, I have honor.  My experience since birth has been to be betrayed by all people regardless of family, friends, or lovers.  I could say that it made me a better person by showing me what "not" to do.  So in an abstract way, I could say I am thankful for that.  Though it doesn't send me to sleep smiling.

LOL, like you dry humor my friend.  Hopefully one day, you will be surprised and find someone you can trust  :unsure2: .

Good luck.

Peace
Mark


#11    Ealdwita

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 01:15 PM

A born cynic, my long experience has taught me that humans bear a remarkable resemblance to pigeons - Hold out to them the hand of friendship and they'll c..p on it more often than not!

"Gæð a wyrd swa hio scel, ac gecnáwan þín gefá!": "Fate goes ever as she shall, but know thine enemy!".
I can teach you with a quip, if I've a mind; I can trick you into learning with a laugh; Oh, winnow all my folly and you'll find, A grain or two of truth among the chaff!
(The Yeoman of the Guard ~ Gilbert and Sullivan)

#12    markdohle

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Posted 20 April 2012 - 10:52 PM

View Postealdwita, on 16 April 2012 - 01:15 PM, said:

A born cynic, my long experience has taught me that humans bear a remarkable resemblance to pigeons - Hold out to them the hand of friendship and they'll c..p on it more often than not!


We seem to attract certain types of people into our lives that can be destructive.  Yet, there are also people that can be trusted and we can limit our lives too a great degree if we don't take a chance from time to time.  Also, friendship in order to surive has to pass through crisis situations, wherein both parties decide to continue or not.  Thanks for you comment.

peace
mark


#13    Beany

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 03:48 PM

Been thinking about this a lot, Mark. You & seem to be experiencing the world in different ways, and I'm trying to understand why. For me the world is mostly a safe place, but then I do try to keep myself out of dangerours places & situations. Most of the people I meet are doing their best to get along, be kind, and be happy. They are essentially good people. There are a few rotten apples, but I suppose they can be seen as teachers from whom we can learn how not to be. They have some kind of spiritual life, they contribute to community in a positive way, they're not dangerous, mean, or untrustworthy. I suppose there is struggle, but nothing momentous. What, do you think, are the differences and the causes of why we perceive the world so differently?





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