28 replies to this topic

[markdohle]

Beany, on 23 April 2012 - 12:45 AM, said:

Mark, pretending or acting "as if" are often effective strategies for bringing about change. You know, fake it til you make it. Often the very act of doing changes our perspective quicker than weeks of study; it's a kinesthetic way of learning that works well for a lot of people. It's learn by doing, and when it's employed it eliminates a lot of the mental agony & indecision & confusion.

I love reading you LOL, thanks.

peace
mark

[markdohle]

Sherapy, on 23 April 2012 - 07:24 PM, said:

Mark, I am partial to a psychological approach, and the one that comes to mind is the stages of grieving for your case. I have had experiences in my life that have dropped me to my knees and getting back up was easier said then done.  

In other words,  the healing process  involved  honoring the  process as it unfolded. After my best friend committed suicide I had major trust issues with myself and for me no amount of telling myself to get over it worked/helped.  I stayed in the stage of not trusting as long as I needed too and in doing so I came to understand that no emotional  state lasts forever(often we get in our own way)  if we just honor the process it passes. For me, I have completely redefined many things-- personally , my approach to friendship, my approach to trust, and most importantly where I fell short before.This is where  I found I had control, not in what  was lost, but in what I could do next time. based on what I learned from the journey.  It's okay to be sad , to cry your tears, it's the bodies way of healing. There may just be things that  we never get over, we just find a way to go on, and it has to be okay . Yet, you still can nurture yourself, comfort yourself, learn  while allowing yourself  the room to heal. It sounds to me as if you think  you need to be at a place you are just not at yet. I'd say allow  yourself the  time to heal, at your own pace.

Thank you for your deep words of wisdom. I think patience with ourselfs is first and fore most, then we can show it others as well.  I think we carry 'stuff' all of our lives and it is often the foil the goads us forward.  Though being a devout catholic will give me a slant on this that may be different from those from other traditions, which is good.  We can learn from one another.

peace
mark

[Sherapy]

markdohle, on 23 April 2012 - 11:14 PM, said:

Thank you for your deep words of wisdom. I think patience with ourselfs is first and fore most, then we can show it others as well.  I think we carry 'stuff' all of our lives and it is often the foil the goads us forward.  Though being a devout catholic will give me a slant on this that may be different from those from other traditions, which is good.  We can learn from one another.

peace
mark

I am deeply moved by reading your posts, your ability to honor the moment, as it presents itself, is its own wisdom. You remind me it is okay to be human and not know/get everything and that it is okay.

I am so happy you have your faith to help you  through.

If you ever need a friend count me in.

[markdohle]

Sherapy, on 24 April 2012 - 01:33 AM, said:

I am deeply moved by reading your posts, your ability to honor the moment, as it presents itself, is its own wisdom. You remind me it is okay to be human and not know/get everything and that it is okay.

I am so happy you have your faith to help you  through.

If you ever need a friend count me in.

Funny, everytime I think I am writing too much and decide to slow down, I get a post like yours, so thank you for your friendship, something we all need.  

Peace
mark

[Beany]

Grieving is necessary, and a way of honoring ourselves, and marking what has been lost. And if we're lucky, helps us steer towards a brighter future. Grief & loss simply are, and denying them only extends the process. One of the aphorisms I use often is: What we resist persists. Eventually I remember to move out of resistance, and sit with it. In fact, I roll in it, wallow in it. In my experience, there's nothing like a really good pity party. Letting myself experience it seems to be the best way for me to move forward.

[markdohle]

Beany, on 25 April 2012 - 05:19 PM, said:

Grieving is necessary, and a way of honoring ourselves, and marking what has been lost. And if we're lucky, helps us steer towards a brighter future. Grief & loss simply are, and denying them only extends the process. One of the aphorisms I use often is: What we resist persists. Eventually I remember to move out of resistance, and sit with it. In fact, I roll in it, wallow in it. In my experience, there's nothing like a really good pity party. Letting myself experience it seems to be the best way for me to move forward.

Yes, I agree, though for most of us it comes in waves.  No one is better than the other I believe, but I like what you say my friend.

peace
Mark

[Beany]

You know, I think there'll always be stuff from which we won't wholly recover, but that's part of the human experience, I believe. So we all have residual pockets of pain & grief, the trick is not to make it disappear, or reject it, but to deal with it in a way that it no longer controls or impels us. We don't want it in the driver's seat, but it's fine if it's riding in the back and not doing a lot of back seat driving. I do think there's wisdom there, so I don't want to shut if off entirely.

[markdohle]

Beany, on 26 April 2012 - 07:32 PM, said:

You know, I think there'll always be stuff from which we won't wholly recover, but that's part of the human experience, I believe. So we all have residual pockets of pain & grief, the trick is not to make it disappear, or reject it, but to deal with it in a way that it no longer controls or impels us. We don't want it in the driver's seat, but it's fine if it's riding in the back and not doing a lot of back seat driving. I do think there's wisdom there, so I don't want to shut if off entirely.

What I do now, when I pray, I let the Lord know that I love everything about me, even that which causes me pain and am grateful for everything.  It stops that pocket of resistence from getting too strong.  Your wisdom really helps me, thank you.

peace
mark

[Mikko-kun]

When it comes to trust, I'm a blind man. I trust blindly, but I trust. Even if I know youre a drug dealer or murderer, because I believe innate good in everyone. Very few kind of people I dont trust, or choose not to trust. I dont know if its a necessary skill to sense who you can trust. As long as you can be happy about it its ok to me, even if it kills you sometimes.

I dont demand nor expect trust from anyone, but it's a good thing to be open enough to call it trust. Leaving one's back open is both a gift and a weakness, but I wouldn't have it another way.

[markdohle]

Mikko-kun, on 28 April 2012 - 02:08 AM, said:

When it comes to trust, I'm a blind man. I trust blindly, but I trust. Even if I know youre a drug dealer or murderer, because I believe innate good in everyone. Very few kind of people I dont trust, or choose not to trust. I dont know if its a necessary skill to sense who you can trust. As long as you can be happy about it its ok to me, even if it kills you sometimes.

I dont demand nor expect trust from anyone, but it's a good thing to be open enough to call it trust. Leaving one's back open is both a gift and a weakness, but I wouldn't have it another way.

Powerful stuff my friend.  Still working to get where you are at.

peace
mark

[Mikko-kun]

markdohle, on 28 April 2012 - 04:31 PM, said:

Powerful stuff my friend.  Still working to get where you are at.

peace
mark

Thanks. You know, there's a charming point of it's own in being more careful about who you trust, too. I can't see your path in life, but I think finding trust we feel comfortable comes with our own terms. Most people get in different spots with the trust than me, and I don't think their spot is worse... it's more about are you content with how much and what kind of trust. Or something....

Peace and Love man.

[markdohle]

Mikko-kun, on 28 April 2012 - 05:32 PM, said:

Thanks. You know, there's a charming point of it's own in being more careful about who you trust, too. I can't see your path in life, but I think finding trust we feel comfortable comes with our own terms. Most people get in different spots with the trust than me, and I don't think their spot is worse... it's more about are you content with how much and what kind of trust. Or something....

Peace and Love man.

You to my friend, glad to have you here.

peace
mark

[Beany]

I just watched a video about a new form of mass, and what's called Via Negativa is an important part of it. It means expressing the grief, loss, sorrow, that are part of the human experience. The other parts are Via Ecstatica, Via Creativa, and Via Transformativa. I would think that experiencing and expressing all of these things, one after another, would help bring about balance. So, yes, be sad, be mistrustful, but bring it into balance so that it doesn't dominate.

[dougeaton]

Beany, on 29 April 2012 - 04:42 PM, said:

I just watched a video about a new form of mass, and what's called Via Negativa is an important part of it. It means expressing the grief, loss, sorrow, that are part of the human experience. The other parts are Via Ecstatica, Via Creativa, and Via Transformativa. I would think that experiencing and expressing all of these things, one after another, would help bring about balance. So, yes, be sad, be mistrustful, but bring it into balance so that it doesn't dominate.

Interesting perspective.

doug