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I am in desperate situation! Need Help!


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#31    White Crane Feather

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Posted 27 April 2012 - 06:57 AM

View PostInfinitemind, on 27 April 2012 - 03:04 AM, said:

Dude, the big problem is i am NOT a citizen! I don't even have my damned SS # yet! I have been living in this country for 13 years and fighting my
immigration case. Everytime something gets messed up. The lawyers are also the biggest B******s because you pay them and they disappear!
Then they don't pick up the calls and intentionally do not come prepared on the hearing dates to screw us up. The hearing dates which
was for the asylum, the attorneys purposely didn't fill out the asylum forms and then they pretend they don't know! We can tell by their
faces! They dont even look straight in the eye and even the judge looked at them like "what the hell?" It's a big conspiracy by some
organization to attempt to fail pakistanis at giving them citizenship. Well.... i stopped praying. I am just so pissed! I had faith in him
my entire life and he creates me in a S**T family?! Atleast create me in a family who ACCEPT me for who i am and give me FREEDOM!


"I wish neither to possess, Nor to be possessed. I no longer covet paradise, more important, I no longer fear hell. The medicine for my suffering I had within me from the very beginning, but I did not take it. My ailment came from within myself, But I did not observe it until this moment. Now I see that I will never find the light.  Unless, like the candle, I am my own fuel, Consuming myself. "
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#32    JayMark

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Posted 30 April 2012 - 04:18 PM

Ok now.

We are giving you advise, which is the best we can humanly do on a message board and you are just getting back at people yelling how your life sucks.

I think we all know it does. Instead of whining anymore about it, why don't you concentrate on the advise and on possible solutions?

I'm not trying to flame here, I sincerly wish you the best.

Peace.

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So you have these two faster-than-light neutrinos walking into a bar...

#33    HollyDolly

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Posted 30 April 2012 - 04:56 PM

I'm very sorry to see you are having such a hard time and feel you must leave.The links people have given are good ones. Do you or your siblings get any sort of money from the family's business,as some sort of pay?Do they buy everything for you,including clothes? With no money it would be hard to find a place to live in New York.These agencies can help you with somewhere to stay and maybe help you find a job someplace  so you could have your own money..The Society of St.Vincent de Paul and Catholic Charities help refugees from many countries and might be able to assist you in some way too.Please let us know how things go.


#34    HollyDolly

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Posted 30 April 2012 - 05:37 PM

Look a church or a mosque can help you out. If  as you say you are studying magic,then just keep quite about the fact when you go to them for help.I don't know whether you are talking magic like the magician David Copperfield or Houdini type, or more on the kabbalah side, or the muslim version of the jewish kabbalah. You need to make up some sort of plan of action before leaving.Why don't you try to contact a few of these groups first,before you leave home,explain the situation and see what help they can offer.

As far as the immigration thing goes, I don't know who you would contact. I'm sure there maybe lawyers who specialize in immigration law.
Who did your family go to for help in this matter? Maybe  a hispanic lawyer who deals in these issues for illegal aliens might be more willing to help out with your situation.


#35    Sakari

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Posted 30 April 2012 - 05:41 PM

View PostInfinitemind, on 25 April 2012 - 08:47 PM, said:

I am leaving my family in a few days. I told my siblings already. My life was never
my life! My life has always been controlled my them! My decision was never my decision.
Those people are not even my family! I hate them! Living in a sunni muslim family
is not easy, especially since they are really strict on you. I was never allowed to
have a gf. I was never allowed to hang around with my friends after school, i was
never allowed to go to their house. I was always lonely and the nerd. But slowly
i started changing myself. Now i am leaving them. But i don't know where to go?!!!
Those people always made me depend on them. I don't even have a job. They make me
work for them in the family store where there is NO profit! It is going so bad
that me and my "brother" are working there for free! I have lost faith in Islam.
I think i am leaving Islam. Can anybody please help me?


Good Job I say !

I had a sister, she " converted " to Islam after 9/11 .....Notice " had "......She is nuts, and it makes me sick....She has a site on " freeing Pakistan " or something like that.

Anyway, not so much ripping on the religion as much as the situation.

You should never do, or " believe " something because it is forced on you........Be yourself.

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#36    Mr Walker

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 02:25 PM

MAybe im cold hearted. I started off reading your posts with some sympathy but the more i read the more annoyed i got. Youre 22 and have a family and a roof over your head. I have "had to" help and take in people who had neither and were kicked out of home at about 13 to 15. Many had; drug, alcohol, violence, and mental health issues, as a result of violent abusive and totally uncaring parents.

You dont sound mature enough to survive alone, but to be fair that might be a result of your very protective  family.

If magic is the issue, well tough. We cant always have what we want, until we are independent and capable of providing for ourselves. To think otherwise is the mindset of a child.

Personally (and in all seriousness) I would find another form of magic to study. The one you are working with now seems particularly ineffective in bettering your life in any practical way, or in solving any of  your life's real problems.
Life requires discipline, hard work, and taking chances.

If you really had to leave home, I think you would have done it by now. I know kids who leave home in their early to mid teens with nothing, and have to "couch surf" or sleep rough until they can establish contacts with welfare or other groups. I suspect you are just complaining, or at best expecting others to solve a problem which is, at least in part, one you have created for yourself by your own priorities and desires.
Join the army :innocent: or one of those volunteer groups which sends you overseas, pays your basic food and accomodation expenses, and gets you to help truly underprivileged young people around the world. Two of my ex students from high school are doing that this year.One in thailand and one in india.

Both girls and both 18 years old They are unpaid but dont have any costs and get to see parts of the world very different to their home town. They are even raising money to take with them to help the people/organisatons they will be working with.

Edited by Mr Walker, 01 May 2012 - 02:33 PM.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world..

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

#37    Bella-Angelique

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 03:48 PM

Greetings,
You may become a U.S. citizen by joining the National Guard.

Under INA Section 328, persons who have served in the U.S. Armed Forces (including active duty, reserves, or national guard), can file for Naturalization based on their current or prior U.S. military service. The requirements for eligibility are that the applicant must have served honorably or have separated from the service under honorable conditions, have completed one year or more of military service, and be a legal permanent resident at the time of his or her examination by USCIS on the Form N-400, Application for Naturalization.

You may apply here at this site.

http://www.nationalguard.com/car

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#38    JayMark

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 02:53 PM

View PostMr Walker, on 01 May 2012 - 02:25 PM, said:

Maybe im cold hearted. I started off reading your posts with some sympathy but the more i read the more annoyed i got. Youre 22 and have a family and a roof over your head. I have "had to" help and take in people who had neither and were kicked out of home at about 13 to 15. Many had; drug, alcohol, violence, and mental health issues, as a result of violent abusive and totally uncaring parents.

Have you only helped people in similar situations or have lived it yourself as well? There is a big diffrence here.

I myself have gone through being in a terrible familiar situation and off the street by myself. I've had drug, alcohol, violence and mental/emotional issues (as a result). After recovering, I did just like you and helped a whole lot of dysfuntional people. That is very noble by the way and I thank you for it.

You can have two people living a very similar situation and not feel the same way about it at all. Everyone is emotionaly and mentaly diffrent. The way you compare both situations (home vs street) is irrelevant to the situation in my opinion. Just because he has a roof and others don't dosen't mean his situation is "better". Same for drugs, violence etc. Nobody can put himself in anybody's shoes entirely.

I understand what you say though and I don't fully disagree. I agree that he is showing sings of immaturity and as you said, it could be very well the result of the way he has been raised. Maturity can be gained really fast but first step would be to make a move and get away from the problematic situation. As long as he is going to stay there and only complain and/or wait for a miracle, his situation will most likely worsen. The longer you stay in your "crap", the longer and harder it'll be to get out of it and recover. And that won't be without trendemous efforts, honnesty, introspection and listening.

I understand how irritating it can be. Especially when you are trying to help and the other seems to ignore it and keep going with whining etc. But having gone through similar situations, without knowing exactly how he feels about it, I can tell you that the behavior he is showing is nothing new and even normal to some degree (I bet you know that anyways). When I got into rehab, it took me a while to start listening to people that were, as a result, often irritated by my attitude/behaviors. But once I made the first move, that was the beginning of my salvation.

If people had just given up on me when I was showing a similar attitude (as he is) I would be dead by now. Literally d-e-a-d.

Since it's no therapeutical forum here, of course nobody has to help or give a hell but sometimes, by keeping pushing, you can eventually open one's eyes before it's too late. I'm not expecting this to happen here though. I have no idea of what would be his "revelation" point (point where he makes the move).

I just wanted to give my opinion here. I don't think you are cold hearted at all.

Peace.

Bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light neutrinos here."

So you have these two faster-than-light neutrinos walking into a bar...

#39    odas

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 06:44 PM

I am sorry that you are in such a bad situation. There are quiet a few good posts and advises that you could find useful. Like everything else in life, 10% is talent and on the rest you alone have to work hard for it. If you are abused in this family then you should see the authorities regardless of your status. Hiding it makes it only worse for you.


#40    White Crane Feather

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 07:48 PM

View PostMr Walker, on 01 May 2012 - 02:25 PM, said:

MAybe im cold hearted. I started off reading your posts with some sympathy but the more i read the more annoyed i got. Youre 22 and have a family and a roof over your head. I have "had to" help and take in people who had neither and were kicked out of home at about 13 to 15. Many had; drug, alcohol, violence, and mental health issues, as a result of violent abusive and totally uncaring parents.

You dont sound mature enough to survive alone, but to be fair that might be a result of your very protective  family.

If magic is the issue, well tough. We cant always have what we want, until we are independent and capable of providing for ourselves. To think otherwise is the mindset of a child.

Personally (and in all seriousness) I would find another form of magic to study. The one you are working with now seems particularly ineffective in bettering your life in any practical way, or in solving any of  your life's real problems.
Life requires discipline, hard work, and taking chances.

If you really had to leave home, I think you would have done it by now. I know kids who leave home in their early to mid teens with nothing, and have to "couch surf" or sleep rough until they can establish contacts with welfare or other groups. I suspect you are just complaining, or at best expecting others to solve a problem which is, at least in part, one you have created for yourself by your own priorities and desires.
Join the army :innocent: or one of those volunteer groups which sends you overseas, pays your basic food and accomodation expenses, and gets you to help truly underprivileged young people around the world. Two of my ex students from high school are doing that this year.One in thailand and one in india.

Both girls and both 18 years old They are unpaid but dont have any costs and get to see parts of the world very different to their home town. They are even raising money to take with them to help the people/organisatons they will be working with.

Hahaha yes over the weekend I had a few glasses of wine and reemed this guy a page about sniveling, the. I thought better of it and erased it. I'm glad you said something.

"I wish neither to possess, Nor to be possessed. I no longer covet paradise, more important, I no longer fear hell. The medicine for my suffering I had within me from the very beginning, but I did not take it. My ailment came from within myself, But I did not observe it until this moment. Now I see that I will never find the light.  Unless, like the candle, I am my own fuel, Consuming myself. "
Bruce Lee-

#41    Mr Walker

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 12:27 PM

View PostJayMark, on 02 May 2012 - 02:53 PM, said:

Have you only helped people in similar situations or have lived it yourself as well? There is a big diffrence here.

I myself have gone through being in a terrible familiar situation and off the street by myself. I've had drug, alcohol, violence and mental/emotional issues (as a result). After recovering, I did just like you and helped a whole lot of dysfuntional people. That is very noble by the way and I thank you for it.

You can have two people living a very similar situation and not feel the same way about it at all. Everyone is emotionaly and mentaly diffrent. The way you compare both situations (home vs street) is irrelevant to the situation in my opinion. Just because he has a roof and others don't dosen't mean his situation is "better". Same for drugs, violence etc. Nobody can put himself in anybody's shoes entirely.

I understand what you say though and I don't fully disagree. I agree that he is showing sings of immaturity and as you said, it could be very well the result of the way he has been raised. Maturity can be gained really fast but first step would be to make a move and get away from the problematic situation. As long as he is going to stay there and only complain and/or wait for a miracle, his situation will most likely worsen. The longer you stay in your "crap", the longer and harder it'll be to get out of it and recover. And that won't be without trendemous efforts, honnesty, introspection and listening.

I understand how irritating it can be. Especially when you are trying to help and the other seems to ignore it and keep going with whining etc. But having gone through similar situations, without knowing exactly how he feels about it, I can tell you that the behavior he is showing is nothing new and even normal to some degree (I bet you know that anyways). When I got into rehab, it took me a while to start listening to people that were, as a result, often irritated by my attitude/behaviors. But once I made the first move, that was the beginning of my salvation.

If people had just given up on me when I was showing a similar attitude (as he is) I would be dead by now. Literally d-e-a-d.

Since it's no therapeutical forum here, of course nobody has to help or give a hell but sometimes, by keeping pushing, you can eventually open one's eyes before it's too late. I'm not expecting this to happen here though. I have no idea of what would be his "revelation" point (point where he makes the move).

I just wanted to give my opinion here. I don't think you are cold hearted at all.

Peace.

My attitude is born from my own experiences, but i took a different road to the poster, and i lived in a different era. I wasnt allowed to "go out" with girls etc either  as a teenager. It just wasnt done. One courted a girl, asked her father for permission and married her. (for life)

I understood that if I lived at home I lived by my parents rules. They were good parents (wonderful in fact) but many modern kids would find them impossibly strict. For example i had my mouth washed out and my backside caned for smoking as a young teenager, or  for swearing, or for speaking badly of a woman. None of this was religious based. My parents weren't religious; they were moral, ethical, and decent people and were teaching me how to behave properly in decent society. :innocent:

As I approached 16/17 my parents told me i could not smoke at home because i had 3 younger siblings So i had a choice to leave home or to only smoke away from home. It was a very easy choice. :-*

I had won scholarships throughout school and  when i was 17 won a govt scholaship to leave home and go to university.  From there i had my own home and could make my own rules. Interestingly i still lived much as my parents had taught me and ended up marrying a woman for life, giving up smoking and drinking, and becoming a teacher because i wanted to help young people.

I really find it difficult to have a lot of sympathy for an adult still living with his parents and, with work home etc all provided by them, who is complaining  basically because they set rules for him. Just leave home or live with it. It is not like being physically or sexually abused, starved, homeless. etc. Parents do not HAVE to accomodate a child's desires, especially where they conflict with the parent/families own.

My parents were quite happy with me using my intellect and creative abilities to make a variety of explosives and rockets etc, but i think they might have drawn the line at me practicing magic. MAybe not. They were suprisingly tolerant people in many ways.  For example i was always allowed to read anything I wanted to, that interested me, and my parents took "adult" books out from the locla library for me because one had to be 13 to borrow them and i was only 7 or 8 and reading at an adult level. My mother was a psychic and descended from a gypsy fortune teller. But socially it would probably have been frowned on, and thus banned, whereas blowing things up  around the neighbourhood was just a boy being a boy, and a sign of applied intelligence.  :whistle:  In those days being socially acceptable was the most important thing in any family's life and childen especially had to conform to social expections from schools, police,  any elders including neighbours   etc.

Edited by Mr Walker, 03 May 2012 - 12:37 PM.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world..

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

#42    Parsip

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 02:56 PM

OP, I think you should listen to Mr Walker. You're old enough to be able to forcibly become independent from your family. How hard is it to get a job?


#43    JayMark

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 03:45 PM

View PostMr Walker, on 03 May 2012 - 12:27 PM, said:

My attitude is born from my own experiences, but i took a different road to the poster, and i lived in a different era. I wasnt allowed to "go out" with girls etc either  as a teenager. It just wasnt done. One courted a girl, asked her father for permission and married her. (for life)

I understood that if I lived at home I lived by my parents rules. They were good parents (wonderful in fact) but many modern kids would find them impossibly strict. For example i had my mouth washed out and my backside caned for smoking as a young teenager, or  for swearing, or for speaking badly of a woman. None of this was religious based. My parents weren't religious; they were moral, ethical, and decent people and were teaching me how to behave properly in decent society. :innocent:

As I approached 16/17 my parents told me i could not smoke at home because i had 3 younger siblings So i had a choice to leave home or to only smoke away from home. It was a very easy choice. :-*

I had won scholarships throughout school and  when i was 17 won a govt scholaship to leave home and go to university.  From there i had my own home and could make my own rules. Interestingly i still lived much as my parents had taught me and ended up marrying a woman for life, giving up smoking and drinking, and becoming a teacher because i wanted to help young people.

I really find it difficult to have a lot of sympathy for an adult still living with his parents and, with work home etc all provided by them, who is complaining  basically because they set rules for him. Just leave home or live with it. It is not like being physically or sexually abused, starved, homeless. etc. Parents do not HAVE to accomodate a child's desires, especially where they conflict with the parent/families own.

My parents were quite happy with me using my intellect and creative abilities to make a variety of explosives and rockets etc, but i think they might have drawn the line at me practicing magic. MAybe not. They were suprisingly tolerant people in many ways.  For example i was always allowed to read anything I wanted to, that interested me, and my parents took "adult" books out from the locla library for me because one had to be 13 to borrow them and i was only 7 or 8 and reading at an adult level. My mother was a psychic and descended from a gypsy fortune teller. But socially it would probably have been frowned on, and thus banned, whereas blowing things up  around the neighbourhood was just a boy being a boy, and a sign of applied intelligence.  :whistle:  In those days being socially acceptable was the most important thing in any family's life and childen especially had to conform to social expections from schools, police,  any elders including neighbours   etc.

Quite interesting. It really shows how we all live diffrent situations differently. Now I have a much better view of your position.

But I have a question concerning your second paragraph. Do you think that the way your parents acted (mouth washing, backside hitting etc) were justified by the fact it was to teach you good manners, ethics, morals etc? I mean, do you now, by looking back at it, think that it was ok or that they should have used another method? Is it something you would do/have done to your kids?

I'm not judging them, I'm pretty sure they had good intentions actually. I just want your opinion about it.

When younger (about 8), my parents got seperated. I was living with my dad and he always loved me, cared and I never got hit by him or called names etc. The thing is he was an "emotional dependant" so he was always looking for a new woman. That was the beginning of a great emotional imbalance for me which lead to severe drug addiction 10 years later (18). My father had gone through severe drug problems as well but that was before I was born. He became completely sober when I was 1 and have never felt back into it. So in this sense, he is a good model for me and helped me a lot going through it myself which was eventually a success, after 2 long rehabs (8 months and 4 months).

The main source of my imbalance was the situation with my dad and his relationships. Being a kid and seeing a dozen diffrent woman with my dad was quite disturbing sometimes. The reason is that although some of these woman were very nice, some were just crazy histerical b*****. Not so surprizing because my father would meet them all in A.A. meetings and many people there are fragile (which is a normal thing as a matter of fact). So of course, some crazy behaviors would show off by times. Getting off a substance is something but dealing with our drug-addicted behaviors and emotions is by far harder. Some of them lived with us for years and one was really bad with me. She was the kind of dictatorial and controlling woman. She didn't need to hit me as her loud voice and great stature was enough to convince me not to argue. I talked about it with my dad but he wouldn't acknowledge it telling me "it's not so bad, she's not so hars, just be careful about what you do etc". Of course, he didn't do nothing out of love for me but rather out of too much love for his girlfriend. That's the kind of atmosphere I got stuck in for years in my pre-teen/early-teen years. That created a large emotional void inside of me and great, chronic stress/anxiety. I was very introverted and kept most of it inside. Seeing that talking with my parents wouldn't do it, I just accepted this as part of my reality. At 18 years of age, I fell into drug addiction and moved from home not-so-sweet home. That is where everything started going down. After five years of binging on chemicals and booze, and after passing very close to dying either by blacking-out and falling on a busy street or driving drunk and crashing once, I finally went to an 8 month, very intense rehab (Portage). I relapsed after it and after another year and a half, I was back to where I was before and even worst. I then decided to go to another rehab, a softer one for 4 months (Dianova). After this one, I was really fine for a while but relasped again for 6 months and went down, deeper than ever. I then quit by myself and that was 7 months ago. Now I can't afford myself to fall down anymore because it's going to be either jail, psych ward or death. Every relapse brought me down faster and deeper than the previous ones.

Weehoo! That's it for now. After reading through your story I felt like sharing a bit of mine as well. :)

And as for the current topic, Infinitemind could read both and use them as a source of inspiration.

If I could get out of this alive and now am stronger than ever, you bet you can Infinitemind! I may not have had a family situation as bad as yours, subjectively, but I have been homeless, addicted, suicidal and out-of-this-reality most of the time. Just don't wait to get there man. That was, for me, a great period of darkness, dellusion, sadness, anxiety, fear, rage, loath and shame. The amount of efforts I had to put (and still put) to get out of it and restablish was astronomical. And I'll have to work on it for the rest of my life now for the sake of my heath, sanity and emotional balance. I thank God for having no damage done to my brain and/or body at all. A few more years and it was most likely inevitable.

Peace.

Bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light neutrinos here."

So you have these two faster-than-light neutrinos walking into a bar...

#44    Mr Walker

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Posted 05 May 2012 - 01:31 AM

Jay mark, for some reason the site wont allow me to quote bits of your post. In fact it shuts down and sends an error message at times when i try to insert quotes. This has only happened since the site was redone, I am using bold to show your quotes.I couldnt even cut and paste the quote for your name/post.


Quite interesting. It really shows how we all live diffrent situations differently. Now I have a much better view of your position.

But I have a question concerning your second paragraph. Do you think that the way your parents acted (mouth washing, backside hitting etc) were justified by the fact it was to teach you good manners, ethics, morals etc? I mean, do you now, by looking back at it, think that it was ok or that they should have used another method? Is it something you would do/have done to your kids?



Absolutely! Not justified. No justification is needed for strict parenting in the context of love; but quite right and necessary. There are a host of ethical reasons i feel this way, from the fact that i believe  a democratic society's rights (including the society of a family) are more important than an individual 's rights, because the society protects the individual; to observation of other primate and animal species and how they raise their young.

  IMO a parent who does not discipline their child, if and when that is required, is guilty of child abuse. I am prejudiced because with a lot of love and discipline my parents did a good job of raising their kids and continued an ubroken family tradition of many centuries. We dont ever get into trouble with the  law or have family difficulties leading to divorce etc  None of us are violent or abusive towards others, and we all are very successful as inividuals,  in both financial and personal terms. All members of our family remain strongly supportive of our parents and indeed tend to live close by in the same community.  It is common for us to form multi genreational families. For example as a child i lived with my grandmother and parents inmy grandmothers house As an adult i cared for my wifes parents  who had altzheimers, and at the same time their grandchilden and great grandchildren; so we had 4 generations living in the one household. You only do that in highly functional and caring families.

I'm not judging them, I'm pretty sure they had good intentions actually. I just want your opinion about it.

Not only was their parenting very deliberate and conscious (for example they explained their reasonings and rationales and never disciplined in anger) but they had learned form their parents that it worked and produced good citizens. They also had been taught to be good and effective parents.

When younger (about 8), my parents got seperated. I was living with my dad and he always loved me, cared and I never got hit by him or called names etc. The thing is he was an "emotional dependant" so he was always looking for a new woman. That was the beginning of a great emotional imbalance for me which lead to severe drug addiction 10 years later (18). My father had gone through severe drug problems as well but that was before I was born. He became completely sober when I was 1 and have never felt back into it. So in this sense, he is a good model for me and helped me a lot going through it myself which was eventually a success, after 2 long rehabs (8 months and 4 months).

The main source of my imbalance was the situation with my dad and his relationships. Being a kid and seeing a dozen diffrent woman with my dad was quite disturbing sometimes. The reason is that although some of these woman were very nice, some were just crazy histerical b*****. Not so surprizing because my father would meet them all in A.A. meetings and many people there are fragile (which is a normal thing as a matter of fact). So of course, some crazy behaviors would show off by times. Getting off a substance is something but dealing with our drug-addicted behaviors and emotions is by far harder. Some of them lived with us for years and one was really bad with me. She was the kind of dictatorial and controlling woman. She didn't need to hit me as her loud voice and great stature was enough to convince me not to argue. I talked about it with my dad but he wouldn't acknowledge it telling me "it's not so bad, she's not so hars, just be careful about what you do etc". Of course, he didn't do nothing out of love for me but rather out of too much love for his girlfriend. That's the kind of atmosphere I got stuck in for years in my pre-teen/early-teen years. That created a large emotional void inside of me and great, chronic stress/anxiety. I was very introverted and kept most of it inside. Seeing that talking with my parents wouldn't do it, I just accepted this as part of my reality. At 18 years of age, I fell into drug addiction and moved from home not-so-sweet home. That is where everything started going down. After five years of binging on chemicals and booze, and after passing very close to dying either by blacking-out and falling on a busy street or driving drunk and crashing once, I finally went to an 8 month, very intense rehab (Portage). I relapsed after it and after another year and a half, I was back to where I was before and even worst. I then decided to go to another rehab, a softer one for 4 months (Dianova). After this one, I was really fine for a while but relasped again for 6 months and went down, deeper than ever. I then quit by myself and that was 7 months ago. Now I can't afford myself to fall down anymore because it's going to be either jail, psych ward or death. Every relapse brought me down faster and deeper than the previous ones.


That is very sad, but at least you were triumphant in the end. My parents never got  angry or used emotional forms of manipulation with me or my siblings.  They were very rational and calm people.  I learned this  emotional  state was normal and developed it myself as well

Weehoo! That's it for now. After reading through your story I felt like sharing a bit of mine as well. :)

And as for the current topic, Infinitemind could read both and use them as a source of inspiration.

If I could get out of this alive and now am stronger than ever, you bet you can Infinitemind! I may not have had a family situation as bad as yours, subjectively, but I have been homeless, addicted, suicidal and out-of-this-reality most of the time. Just don't wait to get there man. That was, for me, a great period of darkness, dellusion, sadness, anxiety, fear, rage, loath and shame. The amount of efforts I had to put (and still put) to get out of it and restablish was astronomical. And I'll have to work on it for the rest of my life now for the sake of my heath, sanity and emotional balance. I thank God for having no damage done to my brain and/or body at all. A few more years and it was most likely inevitable.



It is very hard to step outside the learned emotions, behaviours and understandings of childhood until one develops an independent self awareness  of who one is and why one is as one is; and the ability to look at everything logically and dispassionately. You have been very strong and fortunate, perhaps. I agree that the poster has to find the resources inside themself to deal with the issue and only he can decide what is the most constructive and appropriate road to take.

Edited by Mr Walker, 05 May 2012 - 01:36 AM.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world..

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

#45    Infinitemind

Infinitemind

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Posted 10 June 2012 - 01:59 AM

View PostMr Walker, on 01 May 2012 - 02:25 PM, said:

MAybe im cold hearted. I started off reading your posts with some sympathy but the more i read the more annoyed i got. Youre 22 and have a family and a roof over your head. I have "had to" help and take in people who had neither and were kicked out of home at about 13 to 15. Many had; drug, alcohol, violence, and mental health issues, as a result of violent abusive and totally uncaring parents.

You dont sound mature enough to survive alone, but to be fair that might be a result of your very protective  family.

If magic is the issue, well tough. We cant always have what we want, until we are independent and capable of providing for ourselves. To think otherwise is the mindset of a child.

Personally (and in all seriousness) I would find another form of magic to study. The one you are working with now seems particularly ineffective in bettering your life in any practical way, or in solving any of  your life's real problems.
Life requires discipline, hard work, and taking chances.

If you really had to leave home, I think you would have done it by now. I know kids who leave home in their early to mid teens with nothing, and have to "couch surf" or sleep rough until they can establish contacts with welfare or other groups. I suspect you are just complaining, or at best expecting others to solve a problem which is, at least in part, one you have created for yourself by your own priorities and desires.
Join the army :innocent: or one of those volunteer groups which sends you overseas, pays your basic food and accomodation expenses, and gets you to help truly underprivileged young people around the world. Two of my ex students from high school are doing that this year.One in thailand and one in india.

Both girls and both 18 years old They are unpaid but dont have any costs and get to see parts of the world very different to their home town. They are even raising money to take with them to help the people/organisatons they will be working with.

Can you please give me the name and number of the volunteer groups which sends me oversees? I want to never see my family again! I am so sick of them! I have no privacy and independency.
I just found out my parents threw a bunch of my magick stuff in garbage somewhere. They didn't tell me but when i went to check for my stuff, they werent there. So i inquired them and she
was pretending to not know but i am not stupid and demanded an answer. She started laughing. That raised my blood pressure. I spend over $2000 on that stuff !!!!

Please tell me the name and number. Thanks i will appreciate it.

One prayer can change destiny

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