JayMark, on 02 May 2012 - 02:53 PM, said:
Have you only helped people in similar situations or have lived it yourself as well? There is a big diffrence here.
I myself have gone through being in a terrible familiar situation and off the street by myself. I've had drug, alcohol, violence and mental/emotional issues (as a result). After recovering, I did just like you and helped a whole lot of dysfuntional people. That is very noble by the way and I thank you for it.
You can have two people living a very similar situation and not feel the same way about it at all. Everyone is emotionaly and mentaly diffrent. The way you compare both situations (home vs street) is irrelevant to the situation in my opinion. Just because he has a roof and others don't dosen't mean his situation is "better". Same for drugs, violence etc. Nobody can put himself in anybody's shoes entirely.
I understand what you say though and I don't fully disagree. I agree that he is showing sings of immaturity and as you said, it could be very well the result of the way he has been raised. Maturity can be gained really fast but first step would be to make a move and get away from the problematic situation. As long as he is going to stay there and only complain and/or wait for a miracle, his situation will most likely worsen. The longer you stay in your "crap", the longer and harder it'll be to get out of it and recover. And that won't be without trendemous efforts, honnesty, introspection and listening.
I understand how irritating it can be. Especially when you are trying to help and the other seems to ignore it and keep going with whining etc. But having gone through similar situations, without knowing exactly how he feels about it, I can tell you that the behavior he is showing is nothing new and even normal to some degree (I bet you know that anyways). When I got into rehab, it took me a while to start listening to people that were, as a result, often irritated by my attitude/behaviors. But once I made the first move, that was the beginning of my salvation.
If people had just given up on me when I was showing a similar attitude (as he is) I would be dead by now. Literally d-e-a-d.
Since it's no therapeutical forum here, of course nobody has to help or give a hell but sometimes, by keeping pushing, you can eventually open one's eyes before it's too late. I'm not expecting this to happen here though. I have no idea of what would be his "revelation" point (point where he makes the move).
I just wanted to give my opinion here. I don't think you are cold hearted at all.
Peace.
My attitude is born from my own experiences, but i took a different road to the poster, and i lived in a different era. I wasnt allowed to "go out" with girls etc either as a teenager. It just wasnt done. One courted a girl, asked her father for permission and married her. (for life)
I understood that if I lived at home I lived by my parents rules. They were good parents (wonderful in fact) but many modern kids would find them impossibly strict. For example i had my mouth washed out and my backside caned for smoking as a young teenager, or for swearing, or for speaking badly of a woman. None of this was religious based. My parents weren't religious; they were moral, ethical, and decent people and were teaching me how to behave properly in decent society.
As I approached 16/17 my parents told me i could not smoke at home because i had 3 younger siblings So i had a choice to leave home or to only smoke away from home. It was a very easy choice.
I had won scholarships throughout school and when i was 17 won a govt scholaship to leave home and go to university. From there i had my own home and could make my own rules. Interestingly i still lived much as my parents had taught me and ended up marrying a woman for life, giving up smoking and drinking, and becoming a teacher because i wanted to help young people.
I really find it difficult to have a lot of sympathy for an adult still living with his parents and, with work home etc all provided by them, who is complaining basically because they set rules for him. Just leave home or live with it. It is not like being physically or sexually abused, starved, homeless. etc. Parents do not HAVE to accomodate a child's desires, especially where they conflict with the parent/families own.
My parents were quite happy with me using my intellect and creative abilities to make a variety of explosives and rockets etc, but i think they might have drawn the line at me practicing magic. MAybe not. They were suprisingly tolerant people in many ways. For example i was always allowed to read
anything I wanted to, that interested me, and my parents took "adult" books out from the locla library for me because one had to be 13 to borrow them and i was only 7 or 8 and reading at an adult level. My mother was a psychic and descended from a gypsy fortune teller. But socially it would probably have been frowned on, and thus banned, whereas blowing things up around the neighbourhood was just a boy being a boy, and a sign of applied intelligence.
In those days being socially acceptable was the most important thing in any family's life and childen especially had to conform to social expections from schools, police, any elders including neighbours etc.
Edited by Mr Walker, 03 May 2012 - 12:37 PM.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world..
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
3
