115 replies to this topic

[Lilly]

Paracelse, on 29 July 2012 - 12:57 PM, said:

Are you a Saint of some sort???

No, I keep telling you, I'm a woman (the distinction here being 'woman' not 'girl').

Oh, and just for the record, I've done many things I'm not all that proud of. That said, I do take personal responsibility, attempt to make amends, and strive to never repeat something I know was a big mistake.

[Kazoo]

I don't mean to play devil's advocate but cheaters are people too.

  I feel like most people in this thread are just dismissing them as weak and sick people. Its just not true. Cheater's are abundant and one flaw in a person does not make them "sick" or "weak".

I mean Martin Luther King Junior had affairs. It does not make him a terrible person. It just a weakness. Not a character destroying flaw.

[Habitat]

Kazoo, on 30 July 2012 - 05:32 AM, said:

I don't mean to play devil's advocate but cheaters are people too.

  I feel like most people in this thread are just dismissing them as weak and sick people. Its just not true. Cheater's are abundant and one flaw in a person does not make them "sick" or "weak".

I mean Martin Luther King Junior had affairs. It does not make him a terrible person. It just a weakness. Not a character destroying flaw.

The fact that in most cultures it is not punishable by law, nor the big deal it once was in divorce proceedings, supports that viewpoint.  However, not being true to your mutual understandings with another person, shows a lack of integrity. And it is frequently the tip of an iceberg of ethical deficiencies, imo.

[Kazoo]

Habitat, on 30 July 2012 - 05:43 AM, said:

The fact that in most cultures it is not punishable by law, nor the big deal it once was in divorce proceedings, supports that viewpoint.  However, not being true to your mutual understandings with another person, shows a lack of integrity. And it is frequently the tip of an iceberg of ethical deficiencies, imo.

But its really not.  Most of the time you don't think things like this threw.  People don't do bad things because they are evil. People do bad things because everyone sometimes gets impulsive and does not think about the consequence of their actions.  Sometimes people are  drunk or disoriented or emotionally hurt and do things they regret. It does not make them a monster with no morals. It makes them human.

Edited by Kazoo, 30 July 2012 - 05:49 AM.

[Habitat]

Kazoo, on 30 July 2012 - 05:48 AM, said:

But its really not.  Most of the time you don't think things like this threw.  People don't do bad things because they are evil. People do bad things because everyone sometimes gets impulsive and does not think about the consequence of their actions.  Sometimes people are  drunk or disoriented or emotionally hurt and do things they regret. It does not make them a monster with no morals. It makes them human.

Infidelity might have all sorts of causes, and in the end is down to two people to decide where they draw the line, but people who deceive you in the matter of fidelity, on an ongoing basis. are not the sort of people to be building a life with. Unless you like setting yourself up for hurt and humiliation.

[Kazoo]

Habitat, on 30 July 2012 - 06:04 AM, said:

Infidelity might have all sorts of causes, and in the end is down to two people to decide where they draw the line, but people who deceive you in the matter of fidelity, on an ongoing basis. are not the sort of people to be building a life with. Unless you like setting yourself up for hurt and humiliation.

Well that's not the average cheater. The average cheater is just a regular person who made a mistake.

  But yes people like this who show no remorse for cheating are probably in need of mental help and you should get them out of your life.

Edited by Kazoo, 30 July 2012 - 06:21 AM.

[Habitat]

Kazoo, on 30 July 2012 - 06:20 AM, said:

Well that's not the average cheater. The average cheater is just a regular person who made a mistake.

  But yes people like this who show no remorse for cheating are probably in need of mental help and you should get them out of your life.

I don't know, is that information available ? I mean "a" mistake  ? One ? I doubt it. Anyways, as in all things involving the  politics of a relationship, it can only be sorted out between the two people, as to what the limits are.

[Likely Guy]

People cheat in a relationship for only one reason. The relationship is weak.

[Kazoo]

Habitat, on 30 July 2012 - 06:38 AM, said:

I don't know, is that information available ? I mean "a" mistake  ? One ? I doubt it. Anyways, as in all things involving the  politics of a relationship, it can only be sorted out between the two people, as to what the limits are.

It does not matter what you doubt or not. It happens. Just because you cheat once does not mean you are going to be a cheater for your entire life and you will never ever deserve a meaningful relationship.

  And I assume the data we are using about lack of remorse is from data referring to sociopaths which is pretty much what most people are describing.



Sometimes peoples relationships go threw momentary weaknesses and they can rebuild.

Trust is hard to earn back. Not impossible.

Edited by Kazoo, 30 July 2012 - 07:28 AM.

[ZaraKitty]

Human impulses. We're all animals remember, we're not designed for monogamy.

[WhyDontYouBeliEveMe]

70% woman cheats... 50% of men cheats..   nothing to do with weakness.. but its exciting.. or sumtimes. those that cheats dont get what they want from their partner. and that is mostly the reason...  its not like they are unhappy with the one they love.. but unsatisfied with their sexlife... .. why would you else cheat? i would also cheat if my wife wont give me what i need ! but the qeustion is . can you live with it? or are you going to tell?
when men cheat = unsatisfied
when woman cheat = exciting.     that is the truth behind the word cheating..

[keninsc]

Alienated Being, on 27 July 2012 - 07:41 PM, said:

At work yesterday, my two co-workers talked about cheating. I am a male, and they are both female. They were talking about how they have been "that other girl" in the relationship with a man, whom was cheating on his actual partner. I told them, personally, that I could never see myself as being a cheater in a relationship. They said, "Don't knock it until you try it", so I informed them of a situation on a dating site that I had with a girl, to whom I sent a message saying, "I think your boyfriend would feel like a bag of **** if he knew that you were on here, looking for another partner" because she explicitly stated that she was looking for another partner, to try "something new".

Personally, I have never been able to see myself as being a cheater. I have had many opportunities to do so when I was with my ex girlfriend, but I never did. Lustful thoughts crossed my mind about others, but I never actually brought myself to be able to commit the act. I suppose I just feel as if it has to do with self-respect, which I have plenty of. I had been involved (sexually) with a girl who LATER informed me that she was still in a relationship with her ex boyfriend, and felt extremely guilty, and sorry for this gentleman... though, I could never bring myself to actually tell him.

She wanted to get to know me more, but I suppose, subconsciously, I felt lack of attraction for her as a result of this action, and completely turned her away by acting out as an "*******", which she so bluntly described me as being.

- Why do people cheat?

I used to feel the same and for my entire married life I was completely faithful to my wife, and not to sound like I'm bragging but I had more than my share of females want to have a taste. I never once regretted not having taken advantage of the opportunities that came my way..........until my wife up and left me. Thirty years of marriage went down the toilet like yesterday's lunch, seems she simply decided she didn't wish to be to me any more. Long story short, I now completely regret having turned down so many chances to have sex with another female other than my wife.

Granted, I'm probably not going to get the chances like I used to, but none will be missed in future, I don't give a damn what. Being a good boy is all well and good, but it's loaded with regret when the time comes to split the proverbial blanket.

[Lilly]

WhyDontYouBeliEveMe, on 30 July 2012 - 08:01 AM, said:

70% woman cheats... 50% of men cheats..  

You can't just make up statistics that fit your personal beliefs. Such is only your opinion.

BTW, actual research indicates that cheating is becoming just about gender equal. see link here

Edited by Lilly, 30 July 2012 - 09:45 AM.
addition

[Leave Britney alone!]

WhyDontYouBeliEveMe, on 30 July 2012 - 08:01 AM, said:

70% woman cheats... 50% of men cheats..   nothing to do with weakness.. but its exciting.. or sumtimes. those that cheats dont get what they want from their partner. and that is mostly the reason...  its not like they are unhappy with the one they love.. but unsatisfied with their sexlife... .. why would you else cheat? i would also cheat if my wife wont give me what i need ! but the qeustion is . can you live with it? or are you going to tell?
when men cheat = unsatisfied
when woman cheat = exciting. that is the truth behind the word cheating..

The numbers are not really important but it is true many cheat. It is corrosive to all. Couples who can get stronger after one or the other cheated are comendable. Cheating should not always be a reason to break up or ditch the cheater.

[Lilly]

Lookitisoneofthosepeople, on 30 July 2012 - 09:56 AM, said:

The numbers are not really important but it is true many cheat.

Quoting stats imply something's factually based. Like the old saying goes, "Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but not their own facts".

People cheat because they are so inclined and have the opportunity. The underlying reasons certainly vary. However, the bottom line is that cheating is a selfish act at the expense of another. People who are unhappy in their marriage/relationship need to leave first then go on to find another partner.