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My husband and I are done

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#91    moosehead

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Posted 02 October 2012 - 12:45 PM

Yes we have talked about me coming back and doing some kind of therapy. I am not sure I want to at this pt. I am happy here and I can tell by talking to him, he has not changed.
I want to continue on this course and see what happens. He just wants someone to take care of his everyday needs. Not a wife. I used to tell him I am not June Cleaver.
Today my daughter and I and granddaughter are going to get our pics made together. 3 generations. Will be awesome. Prob go shopping a little and have lunch.
I am looking forward to it a lot. I got a Smart Phone yesterday and I am NOT as smart. Ha. My gdaughter is showing me more about it. So everyone have a great day and wil catch you later.

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#92    spayneuter

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Posted 02 October 2012 - 02:34 PM

View Postmoosehead, on 02 October 2012 - 12:45 PM, said:

Yes we have talked about me coming back and doing some kind of therapy. I am not sure I want to at this pt. I am happy here and I can tell by talking to him, he has not changed.
I want to continue on this course and see what happens. He just wants someone to take care of his everyday needs. Not a wife. I used to tell him I am not June Cleaver.
Today my daughter and I and granddaughter are going to get our pics made together. 3 generations. Will be awesome. Prob go shopping a little and have lunch.
I am looking forward to it a lot. I got a Smart Phone yesterday and I am NOT as smart. Ha. My gdaughter is showing me more about it. So everyone have a great day and wil catch you later.

Oh, I wouldn't move back in with him until after a bit of counselling   How far do you two live apart?  Can he come to your town for appointments?  That would be a good test to see how serious he is about changing.

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#93    joc

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Posted 03 October 2012 - 03:55 AM

View Postspayneuter, on 02 October 2012 - 02:34 PM, said:

Oh, I wouldn't move back in with him until after a bit of counselling   How far do you two live apart?  Can he come to your town for appointments?  That would be a good test to see how serious he is about changing.
I wouldn't move back in with him period!  And you don't need counseling Moosehead...you are doing fine...you know your own heart and your own gut.  And most importantly...people do NOT change..that is a myth...people will change like a camelion to get what they want...but they never, ever, not in a thousand million years change...ever!

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#94    moosehead

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Posted 03 October 2012 - 12:38 PM

Yea I know. We are now about 500 miles apart. He wants me to come back and try counseling. But I have thought a lot about it. I think I gave in and tried already. I told him if I ever got out of there I would never come back. I am facing some diffucult problems tho w my health and other things too. I don't know if I will be able to do this job. have had trouble for sev mts with my eyes getting blurry and esp. one. And after looking down like reading or being on the computer and I look up It takes forever for my eyes to clear up. I do have diabetes and that is off I am sure. But have been to 2 eye drs and they can't see anything wrong. Goin to today to a dentist to see if it is a tooth.
Sometimes my eyes are so blurry and will not clear up at all. Getting old I guess is a big part of that. But something is not right and don't even know what kind of Dr to go to to see about it.
I don't think at this pt I want to go back. I hated it there in Tn. I feel so much better just being home. I know how men promise this and that. I doubt counseling would help anyway. And he works 12 plus sometimes hrs a day. When is he gonna have time to go for counseling?
And he still doesn't want Krystal. Wants me to leave her here w my daughter. I wouldn't mind that but she is the one closest to me now. Pickles will have to be put to sleep soon and Minnie is 'his' dog. She loves him to death and he does her. Odd. She would ride the tractor  with him or run in the fields as he bushhogged. She misses that now a nd so does K. Krystla needs a farm to roam and run on. NOt like this. I have about 12 ft of yard so that is awful for them.
Supposed to start this job tues. and not near ready to. Need to get in some Drs appts. etc.
Anyway how is everyone today? I have some new posters I see. Thanks and hello.
This is one nice site. I really like it and my 'friends' on here have been a lot of support and help.
Welcome

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#95    ouija ouija

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Posted 03 October 2012 - 12:54 PM

I would like to emphasise what joc says; people may make the effort to change for a short while until they get what they want, then they will slip right back to being their old selves. This means you should take absolutely no notice of declarations about 'Give me another chance ..... everyone deserves a second chance, don't they?'. Notice how that second phrase attempts to make you out to be a bad person if you don't give a second chance? If you go back to him that is as good as saying 'Your behaviour is OK, it is acceptable. I am the one who is wrong because I am the one who moved out'.

Regarding your eyesight: do you eat stuff with sugar in it? (This would include fruit & fruit juices). Because if you do, that could be making your eyes blurry. I have had this problem occasionally(I have diabetes), and my optician told me that it wouldn't show up in an eye test if I hadn't had any sugar in the previous 24hrs(he made a definite connection between the blurriness and eating sugar).

I'm concerned about your dogs ...... is there someone who could take them out while you were working, even if only for a short time? Might be a good way to make friends in your new neighbourhood. Do your dogs howl when left alone? If they do, you might find yourself in trouble with your neighbours ........ better to get in first and try to head off the problem before it starts. Good luck.

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#96    lizzieboo

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Posted 03 October 2012 - 02:17 PM

The only thing I agree with is the counseling issue. He needs counseling, but sweetie, so do you. The reason you need counseling is to find out why you would even entertain the notion of returning to a man who threatened to shoot your dogs.

I wrote before about having done volunteer work at a center for abused women. I heard it all from both sides, and 100% of the time the man blamed the woman. Far too often, the women agreed! I couldn't believe it when I heard these women making excuses for men who had brutalized them mentally and physically.

If I left an abusive relationship and stayed in touch with the abuser, and he told me that his abuse was my fault, I'd say, "Know what? You're right. It was my fault for putting up with your crap as long as I did. I need to get some counseling to find out why I am attracted to a**holes like you. Thanks, pal, for the one and only good thing you ever did for me: helping me see that I need to avoid creeps like you like the plague you are."

No one here can help you if you are seriously considering returning to that man. To be honest with you--and this is harsh, but it's my honest feeling--I don't feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for your dogs, whom you say you love but are willing to put in harm's way by taking them back into a situation where they will, more than likely, end up being shot.

Edited by lizzieboo, 03 October 2012 - 02:18 PM.

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#97    ouija ouija

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Posted 03 October 2012 - 04:37 PM

View Postlizzieboo, on 03 October 2012 - 02:17 PM, said:

No one here can help you if you are seriously considering returning to that man. To be honest with you--and this is harsh, but it's my honest feeling--I don't feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for your dogs, whom you say you love but are willing to put in harm's way by taking them back into a situation where they will, more than likely, end up being shot.

Being cruel to be kind ........ I agree with what Lizzie says. IF you go back, leave the dogs behind(in a good place, obviously). But, I'm willing to bet that if you go back, minus the animals, he will find something else to kick off about! It could be you having a shot fired in your general direction next time. Not sure if this has been mentioned further back in this thread or not: people who are cruel to animals sooner or later also turn to being cruel to people too.

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#98    moosehead

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Posted 05 October 2012 - 12:24 PM

Well I have no intention to go back. He has not changed and won't. I just feel bad that my dogs are so restrained now. And K has broken a 3rd collar. But like I said I am happier just being home. When I go out to do things I feel so much better. Its been about 5 or 6 yrs since I cm here to visit. Things have changed a lot. But I found a job and a place which I don't think he thought I could do. I told him I was a survivor and would make it.
He only wants someone to do his laundry and dote on him constantly. He asked me if I was coming back and I said no. That he hasn't changed and never will.
Just being home helped my depression a  lot. I still worry so much about everything but that is me. I am a worrier.
Thanks again. I have just gotten most everything unpacked. The place is looking nice now and I feel like my own person once again. I dont' like to be told what to do in a marriage. I like just being me. Too bad he didn't.

Happiness illudes me. Each day is a struggle.

#99    spayneuter

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Posted 06 October 2012 - 12:01 AM

View Postmoosehead, on 05 October 2012 - 12:24 PM, said:

Well I have no intention to go back. He has not changed and won't. I just feel bad that my dogs are so restrained now. And K has broken a 3rd collar. But like I said I am happier just being home. When I go out to do things I feel so much better. Its been about 5 or 6 yrs since I cm here to visit. Things have changed a lot. But I found a job and a place which I don't think he thought I could do. I told him I was a survivor and would make it.
He only wants someone to do his laundry and dote on him constantly. He asked me if I was coming back and I said no. That he hasn't changed and never will.
Just being home helped my depression a  lot. I still worry so much about everything but that is me. I am a worrier.
Thanks again. I have just gotten most everything unpacked. The place is looking nice now and I feel like my own person once again. I dont' like to be told what to do in a marriage. I like just being me. Too bad he didn't.

You sound happy and strong.  You are going to be fine.  And your furbabies will be fine too.  You will see to that.
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#100    ShadowBoy86x

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Posted 10 October 2012 - 12:03 PM

Stay away from him and things will keep on getting better


#101    moosehead

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Posted 11 October 2012 - 01:30 PM

Well he wants me to come back. I have not even thought of it. I am trying so hard to make this work here and w new job that I start on Tues. I do miss him but see no difference in him at all. I don't miss the state or the town at all. Nothing good about W Tn. I miss the farm and the dogs running free. But there is nothing there. No jobs. Rude people. Gossiping people. I like it here where people don't care what you are doing or who you are. People there are too nosy. Too 'holier than thou'.
Its been hard. And I'm sure it will be hard. I worry about so much. But all I can do I guess is keep on going one day at a time. All of you have been such a great support for me. Thanks

Happiness illudes me. Each day is a struggle.

#102    ouija ouija

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Posted 11 October 2012 - 04:09 PM

Feel like changing your 'location' details(under your avatar)? ;)

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