The fact that you have accepted that does not change your reality. It doesn't "shatter" the elements which are fundamental to your existance. It's important you live your life to your full potential and don't get "freaked out" because you've been prompted to do some deep thinking.
From the sounds of it ( I could be wrong, but) you have read numerous books and come to some conclusion.
The most important thing to realize is that just because someone writes a book, it does not mean the content is true.
This is especially true of ufology.
I can assure you, there is far more nonsense published than there is fact.
Many, many authors present their own speculative conjecture as if it is cold, hard fact. Many are so good at it that they could convince many people that the Earth is hollow (bet you read that one).
No one has all the answers.
Many self-professed experts are people with an over-active imagination with access to Google and Youtube.
It's important that you seek proof for any claims you hear about. Maintaining an open mind does not mean believe everything you read.
Much as we stereotype people as either believers or skeptics...the healthiest approach to view the subject from a scientific perspective and seek confirmation for everything.
Personally I'm a believer with a healthy buffer of skepticism.
There's many authors and documentary producers out there who are just doing it to make money.
thank you for your reply and all those who showed interest on the matter.
apparently, my questions presented have been answered last night.
i always talk about the concept of freewill yet i have completely forgotten it and didn't live it.
pushing my opinions and beliefs to others would only portray nothing more than my own selfishness. someone said, "the understanding comes within."
anyways, i thank you synchronomy and to all others who did their best to provide the answers. i can't type any further my sudden ideas because they're too far from the topic i created.
anyone can disregard this thread now because the questions presented are all answered.
i humbly thank you with my wholeness. and again,
have a nice day.