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I Finally Did It!


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#1    Voyager

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 12:56 AM

(From October 16, 2012)
I've been working at a recycling plant for the past 2 months; it's a temporary job, so I don't know how long I'm going to be there.

But from day 1, there was this gentleman who I spotted, and from the moment I saw him I knew I had to find a way to touch bases with him... I know when people say "he/she looks like an angel" it now sound so corny and cliche.' I, for one, have never seen an angel, but this guy has to be the closest to one I have ever seen! That's the only way I can describe him. We haven't had a lot of interaction because we work in two separate areas. We only see each other when we're clocking in and out.

He looked in my face one morning and said "what's up?" and I was so tongue tied that I don't remember if I said anything back. he must have thought that was rude or maybe that I wasn't interested. But over the past couple weeks I've been trying to make him more comfortable around me, because he often walks with his eyes looking at the ground... so I speak whenever I can... and it seems like he has warmed up to me as much as he can with the brief interaction. But several days ago it hit me that I may only be on this job another week or two, and this is the only place where I ever see him. So I have been trying to work up the nerve to introduce myself and give him my contact info. I only knew his name from incidentally standing behind him one day when he was clocking out (because I was too scared to talk to him). You know how it is when you have a crush on someone? Well at least for me, I get really clumsy!

So, today I talked myself into introducing myself to him, hoping I would catch him alone. And it just so happened that he was sitting in the office (door is always opened) with the light off, and there was no one in the hallway waiting to clock out this time. I saw him when he walked in. So I thought to myself "this may be your chance... do it now...do it now!" So, with every nerve in my body going haywire, I sucked it up, went to the office door and asked him if I could "holler" at em' for a second. he was like "What happened?" (lol), and I motion for the nearby door that leads outside, tripping over a rug on my way out (good thing I didn't fall on my face)... I just told him that I never properly introduced myself, that I didn't know how long I would be there or how long he would be there, and I gave him my number. I didn't know what he was going to do, but he actually saved it in his phone.

So now I play the waiting game. I don't know if he just saved the number as simply not to be snobbish and say "Nah, I'm good..." or if he really intends on calling me. I'm glad that I actually worked up the courage (for the first time in my 30 years of life) to talk to my crush face to face and give him my telephone number. But it's only half the battle. Now, I have to wonder about if he's going to call, and if he does, what I'm going to say to him.

So my question is: Do you think he will call? if so, how long do you think it will take for him to call?

I'm sorry about the length of this. I'm a storyteller, and I was trying to give enough details so you would have a good overall view of the situation (I tried not to be too elaborate).


*(10/21/12)*

He hasn't called, but I'm going to try not to sweat it. I do see him every day at work, though. The other day, however, I walked in the changing room where they hang out until it's time to go. He and a couple other men (including his dad) were playing a game of dice. I never spoke to them before but because he was there (and I want to take every possible chance to interact with him) I commented on their game ("What kind of game yall got going here?"]. Their response seemed welcoming... but he made the comment to an older man "When you going to introduce me to your daughter?" Only he and I would know what that meant: it was his indirect--and non-rude way of telling me is into girls, not guys.

Plus he hasn't been showing me much of anything to suggest that he's interested. A couple of people who I have run this situation by tell me that he is probably Bi-curious (having only been with females but attracted to guys also) but that I need to give him time and space, because I put him on the spot with giving him my phone number. Now he's uncomfortable but still likes what I did... and just has mixed feelings/thoughts about the situation... but will eventually open up, if I show interest in getting to know him and keep the ball in his court, at the same time. So, I'm going to take the advise of many and be patient with him. He has to be bale to trust me first, and I understand that.


I might have done it backwards, indeed, but I've been making small talk whenever I get the chance (the only time we really have to chat is when we're waiting by the time clock). Although he never initiates a conversation with me, he does engage convo when I initiate it (and doesn't seem withdrawn at all). The other day I did ask him about how he likes working in his department and so on... I just started to chat with his dad as well; turns out that he even knows my mom. But he used to play football---so my dude probably also plays football---I'll bring this up to him the next time I see him. I imagine there are a few good subjects to talk about with him, and eventually I will. I think I will, however, avoid asking him anything that has to do with a significant other, because if it turns out he does have a wife or a g/f it's only going to make me jealous. I want to keep the (potential) friendship as basic as possible until we're both comfortable enough to go deeper. But judging from his comment the other day "When are you going to introduce me to your daughter?" I gather that he's probably single.

I also ride to and from work with his cousin, so I've been learning little things from him as well. From what I understand, my dude is a "good kid." I saw this in him to begin with and his cousin's comment only confirms what I felt about him. and I understand that he's also a funny guy (joker). This is a definite plus, because I love a dude who has a good sense of humor and can make me laugh... his smile is adorable too, so I think I would try to keep him smiling as much as possible.


*UPDATE* (10/22/12)

I think he can read between the lines. I honestly think he is confused by the gesture, though. What's probably running through his mind is: "This dude definitely just hit on me... Naaah, it couldn't be... what would give him the gall to just assume I'm into dudes anyway...?!... Do I look or act gay? maybe he's just really friendly... but he does seem kinda weird... he doesn't talk much, and he acts nervous around me... I'm not going to call him until I feel this situation out a little more... but just in case he thinks he can try any funny business, I'll keep a little distance..." I read a lot from body language, conversation, the tone of one's voice... and this is how he has been acting since I approached him. It even seems like he's literally running from me (by little behavioral patterns that he's now changed). Again, he'll answer questions with no push-back, but it may just be that he's such a nice guy that he'll engage me just not to be rude... because he never speaks to me on his own (other than that one day before this happened) or even looks at me, or acknowledges my existence (Does a it hurt? Yes. I've been thinking about it all day since I noticed it this morning; almost thought I wouldn't be able to eat my lunch today for being so upset, or down in the dump, rather). I will say, he did come in the door the other morning and I turned to catch him locking eyes with me for about 2 secs before I turned away in shock!

Edited by Voyager, 23 October 2012 - 01:04 AM.


#2    StarMountainKid

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 01:48 AM

Seems to me the next move in the game would be up to him? I really think he's not interested, but then again, he may just be just considering things. On the other hand, he may not like you. It happens.  I've had similar experiences, and I've discovered as time goes by and no interest is shown on his part, forget about it.

I could be wrong, of course.

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#3    s33ker

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 02:07 AM

just frigging ask him. Its kind of creepy the way your going about it and turn your gaydar on.


#4    Ashotep

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 03:21 AM

Most of the time if someone isn't interested in you from the beginning they never will be.


#5    ImaLoner

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 03:45 AM

I think that StarMountainKid is right.  The Mommy in me is going to tell you a story... Forgive me, but I am a storyteller too.  Just today, my son wrote a "Do-You-Like-Me-Check-Yes-Or-No" letter to a little girl he absolutely adores.  I don't know what gave him the bravery to do it, because he's so reserved and shy.  He came home this afternoon and was just standing on the back porch and wouldn't come in.  Apparently, he was licking his wounds.  He told his sister he now hated the little girl.  On the one hand, I have to commend him for his ability to overcome his insecurity and at least let her know he liked her, on the other, I'm crying inside for him, because it hurts when someone doesn't like you back.  I took him aside and talked to him about how he shouldn't dislike the girl - because she had written that she "likes him, but only as a friend... sorry".  In other words, the girl wasn't mean about it, when she could've been.  I told my son how this response wasn't necessarily a bad thing, and that he should be her friend - and he should go to her and tell her that he was sorry if he made her feel uncomfortable.  I told him this, because we know that feelings CAN change, but if they don't he could be passing up the opportunity to be friends with a wonderful person.  I'm not saying I'm some kind of expert, but from what I've read here, you have, in your own way, let him know that you are at least somewhat interested by giving him your phone number.  It sounds like in his round-about way, he was letting you know with the "Introduce me to your daughter" comment that he's into girls.  Please don't try to read more into it than what's there.  That doesn't mean that he may not be open to friendship.  It sounds like you are dealing with a nice guy.  His avoidance of you could be simply his way of making sure he says nothing that will hurt you, ie., turning you down, or being blatantly honest if confronted with a situation which might make him uncomfortable.  Just be your nice, friendly self - but not overly so.  Give it time.  And it's easy to say, but hard for many to do.. But, don't obsess over it or it'll just drive you mad.  If things work out for friendship, great!  If things work out for more than friendship, it might take time, but also great!  But, if the latter is the case, let him come to you.


#6    Orcseeker

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 09:19 AM

Honestly I think it would be a hard time being gay not knowing if someone else is considering there aren't as many as straight people. I've been hit on a few times by gay men, I don't really mind it and respond with friendliness and appreciative towards whatever they had to say regardless. I'd probably continue as this guy is doing, being friendly, non judgmental, maybe distance myself to subtlety imply that I'm not gay if I were to see these guys on a day-to-day basis.

I'm really not sure about what this guy could be though. I think he might have an idea you are interested as a result of the locking of eyes situation.

Overall nice work, in 30 years thats a big step. Who cares if they knock you back, if you try that's another big step for you and progress is progress. There is no ultimate man or woman for everyone. And no one is the ultimate man or woman. A short, fat, balding man could have a chance with miss universe. Other way round applies too.

If you're happy with someone, that is all that matters, don't let people tell you or make you feel like you should be with someone else just because it is part of the status quo.

Edited by Orcseeker, 23 October 2012 - 09:25 AM.


#7    Voyager

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 10:34 AM

View Posts33ker, on 23 October 2012 - 02:07 AM, said:

just frigging ask him. Its kind of creepy the way your going about it and turn your gaydar on.


I do want to ask him, but I'm thinking maybe being that direct could open me up to a sexual harassment charge? I don't think he would do such a thing, but you never know. I may just do this after feeling the situation out well enough. I know it's kinda creepy and I'm trying to make it less creepy. I really want to apologize to him for possibly making him uncomfortable, but this might make things even more awkward? ...Plus. he might get aggravated with me stealing him off to the side once again? (last thing I want to do is corrupt his nice-guyness).

Edited by Voyager, 23 October 2012 - 10:41 AM.


#8    Orcseeker

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 12:17 PM

How is that harassment of the sexual kind?


#9    pallidin

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 01:55 PM

Uh, what's your phone number, Voyager?


#10    StarMountainKid

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 04:50 PM

pallidin said:

How is that harassment of the sexual kind?

In today's corporate world the smallest thing can be considered sexual harassment. All someone has to do is tell the boss that someone is bothering him/her in a romantic or sexual way, and bang that person is fired. I've seen it happen.

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#11    JGirl

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 05:11 PM

why is this in the philosophy forum?


#12    mfrmboy

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 05:51 PM

Voyager
I have been in a very simular situation on both sides. I had a guy at work I really liked and asked him if he'd like to go hang out with me to a local pool room and maybe grab a couple drinks.
  We met there and from watching him, his eye's, body language and conversation I could tell he was into girls not guys.  We had a good time and that was as far as it went, we still see each other out from time to time and hang it's just a buddy thing.
I often have girls come on to me and sometimes guy's...I am a nice person and will carry on conversation with them (I don't meet strangers). However I do let them know that I am not interested in a friendly manner.
I have met some great people along the way that I am still friends with.
Now in your situation you could follow the example I used above and you never know, but from what you have written it does not seem he is interested in a man on man relationship. Even if he is Bi or curious and he did end up interested in you it would probably just be a sex thing and that may be ok if thats all you want but if you develop feelings for him you will be the one hurt in the end. I have been in that kind of relationship and it's never a good thing.
Good luck to you and if you need to talk just message me.

Edited by mfrmboy, 23 October 2012 - 06:23 PM.

One man's TOOL is another man's TOY ! :tu:

#13    Voyager

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 09:27 PM

View PostJGirl, on 23 October 2012 - 05:11 PM, said:

why is this in the philosophy forum?

Since I couldn't find a "personal development" or "self-help" section, I thought the closest thing would be along the lines of psychology?


#14    markdohle

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 12:15 PM

You know you are building a whole soap opera out of this.  It is better to ask, get it over with.  It is not fair to you or to him to have this relationship with his twin in your head, when in fact it may not be true at all.  Friendship and sex or not the same, which do you want?  I have a few gay friends, some have come on to me.  Some have thought I was into them sexually, which I was not.  So I told them, and we are still friends.  Step over that wall before it becomes too high for you to climb.

peace
mark


#15    Voyager

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 09:46 PM

View Postmarkdohle, on 24 October 2012 - 12:15 PM, said:

You know you are building a whole soap opera out of this.  It is better to ask, get it over with.  It is not fair to you or to him to have this relationship with his twin in your head, when in fact it may not be true at all.  Friendship and sex or not the same, which do you want?  I have a few gay friends, some have come on to me.  Some have thought I was into them sexually, which I was not.  So I told them, and we are still friends.  Step over that wall before it becomes too high for you to climb.

peace
mark

I really don't know what I want with him. I just want to be in his world. This isn't to say that I haven't fantasized about sex with him (because I have), but I don't feel that this connection is all about sex (as it is with other guys I have crushed on). When I see him or he walks by, it's like my heart starts vibrating. He's beyond "sexy" to me---he's beautiful ! Like everything about him is perfection, to me, and I don't want to corrupt him in any way, which is why I'm being so careful with him. If anything, I see myself as a devil and him as an angel (figuratively speaking). I honestly don't believe I'm deserving or worthy of him, but I know how badly I want to connect with him. I guess if it really is meant to be then it will happen. I don't want to try to force it along nor do I want to ignore it.

Edited by Voyager, 24 October 2012 - 10:39 PM.





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