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#1    markdohle

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 11:03 PM

Waiting


I am having some health problems at this time.  Not sure how serious it is; time will tell.  I was talking to my Doctor today, who like me is a Christian (Catholic) and as we talked I was surprised that I told him that I think I am getting depressed over this.  The pain will not go away and my energy level is low.  I am also having trouble with my balance.  In fact it may be an inner ear problem.  I also said that at the same time I feel inner peace since I can still pray.  He paused and then said “Wish all my patients could do that”.  Many probably do.

A great deal of praying is about waiting and if I feel dry, or scattered, I found that I need to wait and then something happens.  Not something otherworldly, just an inner peace and a feeling of being grounded arises for me.  Perhaps it is because of my age, I am almost 64 and I have been working on my prayer life for most of those years.  Perhaps prayer is a habit now, though one I still have to choose to do.  In the end I still have the experience that the desire to pray is a call of grace and all I need do is to respond….even if my response may seem weak and un-centered. Yet that is how we humans are at times, all over the map. Minds can be at times like a monkey on speed.  Well mine is. To stick with it, being patient, leads to the experience of becoming more inwardly whole.

Trust, is the main ingredient, for when God seems far away, it is trust that allows prayer to flow and to seek the Lord in dryness and inner pain and probably worst of all….a feeling of complete nothingness and numbness....yes patients is needed.  God is, we change, our inner weather first calm, then fierce, then a lull, yet below it all, within it all, God dwells, we are not alone.  Yes faith and trust or choices, so is running away from the inner desert.


#2    Likely Guy

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 11:12 PM

Here's hope that you'll be feeling better soon.


#3    Beckys_Mom

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 11:37 PM

Mark... Are you tired all the time?... Do you find yourself more clumsy ? ..Memory good or failing?   It could be your thyroid having problems..


I hope your doctor has the answer and can give you the right treatment..  I'll say a prayer that the answer well come and you will get help...

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#4    Ashotep

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 11:39 PM

Sure hope you get to feeling better soon.  Try not to be too depressed.


#5    Copen

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 11:45 PM

I pray that God will lead the dr. to the right treatment; and you will be well soon. Depression is a tough one.
In Christ


#6    Beany

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 01:55 AM

Sorry to hear about your health, Mark. Growing old is not for the faint-hearted. I just turned 63 this month, and while my health isn't as good, and I definitely look my age, I'm happier than I've ever been. There are compensations for aging. My favorite is reaching a place where I really don't give a fig about what other people think about me. Wish I'd learned that years ago.


#7    sutemi

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 08:28 AM

Hi Mark, sorry to hear your not well hope you get better soon. All the best malc


#8    markdohle

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 12:26 PM

Thanks everyone.  It is most likely my inner ear, but mixed with a bout of blood pressure problems and a bad inner headache can make one a little depressed.  I am at peace and hopefully it is not too  much to worry about.  We all get nickled and dimed to death, and when we get to the dollar mark, well we die.  I think I am only about 40 cents worth at this time ;-).  I am ready in anycase.

Peace
mark


#9    Ehrman Pagels 1

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 08:59 AM

View Postmarkdohle, on 23 October 2012 - 11:03 PM, said:

I also said that at the same time I feel inner peace since I can still pray.  He paused and then said “Wish all my patients could do that”.  Many probably do.

In the end I still have the experience that the desire to pray is a call of grace and all I need do is to respond….even if my response may seem weak and un-centered. Yet that is how we humans are at times, all over the map. Minds can be at times like a monkey on speed.  Well mine is. To stick with it, being patient, leads to the experience of becoming more inwardly whole.

Trust, is the main ingredient, for when God seems far away, it is trust that allows prayer to flow and to seek the Lord in dryness and inner pain and probably worst of all….a feeling of complete nothingness and numbness....yes patients is needed.  God is, we change, our inner weather first calm, then fierce, then a lull, yet below it all, within it all, God dwells, we are not alone.  Yes faith and trust or choices, so is running away from the inner desert.
I stopped praying this year, actually. I realized that no matter what I do, things will happen...regardless of prayers. My prayers didn't stop the person I love from dying. My prayers didn't stop my home from being taken away from me. With prayers to prevent the loss of big money and an ideal lifestyle, I watched my life turned upside down. It's still crashing down right before my very eyes in fact (long, complicated story), but strange to say, it's not as shocking and I don't feel destroyed compared to 6 months ago. I'm also able to give thanks, for many reasons. Giving thanks is not the same as prayer, at least not to me. Prayer to me is wanting for something favorable to happen. Wanting versus giving. Giving thanks is basic acknowledgment 101. I, on the other hand, am not saying that people should stop praying. If it makes one happy, comforted, hope-filled, and all the good feelings that go with it, one should pray to one's heart's content -- by all means.

Edited by braveone2u, 25 October 2012 - 09:03 AM.


#10    markdohle

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 10:27 PM

View Postbraveone2u, on 25 October 2012 - 08:59 AM, said:

I stopped praying this year, actually. I realized that no matter what I do, things will happen...regardless of prayers. My prayers didn't stop the person I love from dying. My prayers didn't stop my home from being taken away from me. With prayers to prevent the loss of big money and an ideal lifestyle, I watched my life turned upside down. It's still crashing down right before my very eyes in fact (long, complicated story), but strange to say, it's not as shocking and I don't feel destroyed compared to 6 months ago. I'm also able to give thanks, for many reasons. Giving thanks is not the same as prayer, at least not to me. Prayer to me is wanting for something favorable to happen. Wanting versus giving. Giving thanks is basic acknowledgment 101. I, on the other hand, am not saying that people should stop praying. If it makes one happy, comforted, hope-filled, and all the good feelings that go with it, one should pray to one's heart's content -- by all means.

I understand where you are coming from, but what you say about prayer is only a small part of it, the part that believes we can make some kind of contract with the trancedent.  For me it is a relationship with love, eternal love.  Jesus prayed in the garden that the chalice be removed, it was not, yet he continued.  I hope things get better for you soon.

peace
mark


#11    Star of the Sea

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 10:53 PM

Hi Mark,

Sorry to hear you're not feeling so good. You have a lot of inner strength and I know that praying sustains you. I will remember you in my prayers tonight and here is a lovely one by:


St. Francis De Sales

Be at Peace

Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life;

rather look to them with full hope as they arise.

God, whose very own you are,

will deliver you from out of them.

He has kept you hitherto,

and He will lead you safely through all things;

and when you cannot stand it,

God will bury you in his arms.



Do not fear what may happen tomorrow;

the same everlasting Father who cares for you today

will take care of you then and everyday.

He will either shield you from suffering,

or will give you unfailing strength to bear it.

Be at peace,

and put aside all anxious thoughts and imagination.


Edited by Star of the Sea, 25 October 2012 - 10:56 PM.

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#12    Ehrman Pagels 1

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 10:57 PM

View Postmarkdohle, on 25 October 2012 - 10:27 PM, said:

For me it is a relationship with love, eternal love.
Please explain further.


View Postmarkdohle, on 25 October 2012 - 10:27 PM, said:

I understand where you are coming from, but what you say about prayer is only a small part of it, the part that believes we can make some kind of contract with the trancedent.

Jesus prayed in the garden that the chalice be removed, it was not, yet he continued.  I hope things get better for you soon.

peace
mark
Unlike Jesus, my God(?) is not of this world. Since my God(?) is unreachable from this world, I realized that I was praying to forces with no power to make things happen for me. I don't blame them, but I made the choice to not waste my time and power to continue praying (or asking). I'm not saying this out of bitterness and spite. As I have mentioned, prayer to me is not the same as giving thanks or voicing out my gratitude to the universe, etc.

Thank for the sincere reply, Mark.

Paul


#13    markdohle

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 11:27 PM

View PostStar of the Sea, on 25 October 2012 - 10:53 PM, said:

Hi Mark,

Sorry to hear you're not feeling so good. You have a lot of inner strength and I know that praying sustains you. I will remember you in my prayers tonight and here is a lovely one by:



St. Francis De Sales

Be at Peace

Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life;

rather look to them with full hope as they arise.

God, whose very own you are,

will deliver you from out of them.

He has kept you hitherto,

and He will lead you safely through all things;

and when you cannot stand it,

God will bury you in his arms.



Do not fear what may happen tomorrow;

the same everlasting Father who cares for you today

will take care of you then and everyday.

He will either shield you from suffering,

or will give you unfailing strength to bear it.

Be at peace,

and put aside all anxious thoughts and imagination.



Thank you my friend for you kind comments.

peace
mark


#14    markdohle

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 11:32 PM

View Postbraveone2u, on 25 October 2012 - 10:57 PM, said:

Please explain further.



Unlike Jesus, my God(?) is not of this world. Since my God(?) is unreachable from this world, I realized that I was praying to forces with no power to make things happen for me. I don't blame them, but I made the choice to not waste my time and power to continue praying (or asking). I'm not saying this out of bitterness and spite. As I have mentioned, prayer to me is not the same as giving thanks or voicing out my gratitude to the universe, etc.

Thank for the sincere reply, Mark.

Paul


Jesus used the image of God as Father.  In the parable of the prodigal son, it brings to light this reality.  God for the Christian is not distant, but both immanent and transcendent.  It does take a lot of faith to believe this, well it does for me.  Any relationship takes time, so for 64 years my relationship with God, as revealed by Jesus Christ as deepened and I have found healing through it.  I also trust, which is a choice, one I have made over and over again.  Because of this experience of my relationship with God, my love has increased, not only for God but also for all, which I believe flows from loving God.  

You sound like a deist (I know it is just a label), so I understand your position (as far as I am able) and thank you for sharing it here.

peace
mark


Edited by markdohle, 25 October 2012 - 11:33 PM.


#15    Ehrman Pagels 1

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Posted 26 October 2012 - 02:58 AM

View Postmarkdohle, on 25 October 2012 - 11:32 PM, said:

You sound like a deist (I know it is just a label), so I understand your position (as far as I am able) and thank you for sharing it here.

peace
mark

Hi, Mark:

I don't follow deism. In fact, one may even say that I'm far away from it. I had a very profound experience of my God(?) in the afterlife. Nowadays, I'm following my God(?) "promise" (of merging) while I'm in this world. That "promise" is my religion, so to speak. In a way, I was resurrected to give witness to the concrete reality of Nirvana, which is absolute freedom (the only real freedom) via one-ness with God(?), since there is only one God(?).

Peace.





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