The river will never stop flowing, nor can we leave the road we travel on, of our own violation. Life is a stream and I am not sure if it is pre-planned, or if we are here for a set time. I think chance has a lot to do with it. How we take care of ourselves, or not, even then how we ‘go’ could be out of our hands…well it actually is. Being at the wrong place and the wrong time happens often. Life is dangerous, we can go anytime and perhaps it is good that we suppress that reality more than not. For to truly understand our situation, would perhaps keeps us locked up in a very small world that could be worse than actually dying.
Chance, chaos, luck, does not mean there is no underlying order or plan; it is just too deep perhaps for us to see it. Our senses, intuitions and intelligence while vast and a doorway into reality, is I believe also what limits us in our ability to see reality fully. That is one reason that the God question is an open issue in many circles and people in the end, choose which road to walk; even if it is somewhat, or completely unconscious. Either way, the beauty and harshness of life has to be faced until we are released. Into oblivion eternal as some believe, or the beginning of an eternal journey, is something we can hold to, believe deeply, yet on some level, it is all based on a type of faith. There is more we don’t know when dealing with the questions that are in reality the most important for most of us.
Our longings are pointers I believe to something more, in spite of the difficulty many have in believing at all. I have leaned to embrace my doubts, for they push me to seek deeper understanding of my own faith path; one I believe that is based on an historical personage, Jesus Christ. The resurrection is the reason that Christianity grew so rapidly, a true event, for Jesus appeared too many. The early Christians were not unintelligent, so they needed proof of the reality of the risen Jesus. Today many doubt, let them, but for me, my studies have shown me the reality of the Risen Lord.
I fail in many ways to live up to my faith. In times of inner chaos I tend to falter, seeming to lose my way, but then the path opens up again. My experienced is that I am the being pursued and my seeking is a response to grace. I believe that all seeking is in fact an answer to that grace. We are all brothers and sister on a long and difficult road, though in the end, when old, the journey may possibly seem quite short.