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No keyboards allowed (poem)


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5 replies to this topic

#1    Spiral staircase

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:30 PM

I'm old enough to have arthritis
but young enough to not hate the rain.
Dance in it with a knee that hurts,
deep from within, pain down my right leg.

Dance in it on the borderlines.
Run after them because they move all the time.
How could we ever be our true selves
living on the grid, within the rules, and on the line?

The masquerade is over.
Wealth changes hands every 100 years.
Aristocrats to Industrialists to the Government
but only one of them represents you.

I am cold, unable to trust anyone
especially those who act friendly to all
because that is not sincere
and friends like that float on, we all do.

I believe in my work. It expresses
my hopes, desires, fears, and in
a way like all minstrels we hope to
connect to a greater world.

I am cold, won't say thanks
for every comment
because such pleasantries
after 3 pages cheapen the work.

Will add (poem) to every poem
so others clicking will know
exactly what they are clicking on.
But this was a lesson learned hard.

I believe in others and am grateful
if you have read and were inspired
to write your own poem
especially if you know how to do so

without any writing instrument.


#2    Cobalt60

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:48 PM

i like this...one of the things about poetry that makes it difficult to do is that only the right words will do; nor do they have to match but it helps.


#3    Spiral staircase

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:21 PM

View PostCobalt60, on 08 January 2013 - 09:48 PM, said:

i like this...one of the things about poetry that makes it difficult to do is that only the right words will do; nor do they have to match but it helps.

You are right in only the right words will do but I had to break that rule. I really wanted to write "my left leg" instead of my right leg. It would have flowed smoother and I wanted to entitle the piece "My left leg" but since the subject of this poem was authenticity and I reread the part about "our true selves" I had to keep it accurate.

I really wish others would discuss their poems too, what they mean to them, what they hope for in writing them if they hope at all, and all that is very interesting. I see so many just saying "thx" to every comment that the thread turns into a place to be friendly and feel good about that while the poem itself gets lost.


#4    Mistydawn

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Posted 13 January 2013 - 08:11 PM

I believe, your poem is excellent. As with most verse I read it a few times and though I don't tend to post a comment I really wanted to respond to you, not only to say I found the poem though-provoking but also to explain why I don't ever write what I mean by my own verses.
I don't, because I find in the comments that others post, quite often they find totally different meanings to what I had intended and also because I don't like to open myself up to scrutiny either in my verses or in actual life.
I am always stunned and amazed that others bother to comment on my scribblings, which I am pretty sure are nothing more than the child within trying to out.

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#5    schizoidwoman

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Posted 14 January 2013 - 11:58 AM

I  thought this was wonderful, thanks for sharing it!


#6    Spiral staircase

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Posted 17 January 2013 - 07:22 AM

View PostMistydawn, on 13 January 2013 - 08:11 PM, said:

I believe, your poem is excellent. As with most verse I read it a few times and though I don't tend to post a comment I really wanted to respond to you, not only to say I found the poem though-provoking but also to explain why I don't ever write what I mean by my own verses.
I don't, because I find in the comments that others post, quite often they find totally different meanings to what I had intended and also because I don't like to open myself up to scrutiny either in my verses or in actual life.
I am always stunned and amazed that others bother to comment on my scribblings, which I am pretty sure are nothing more than the child within trying to out.

I find those who refuse to offer insight to their own works and instead allow everyone to hold their own interpretation as a bit pretentious.

The process of creation to me is equally if not more important than the finished product.

I also find it very frustrating when I take the time to comment on a piece only to have the author refuse discussion and leaving me to my own interpretation.

Everyone has their own preference I suppose. I relate this one to some pagans who feel their approach is so special they refuse to share with others. I understand the occult and esoteric remain hidden because most are not interested in those approaches but not because it is so special they can't share with others. And most pagan paths are hardly occult just littered with types who refuse to share but that is neither here or there just similar to me.

Edited by I believe you, 17 January 2013 - 07:25 AM.





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