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How do you deal with death?


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#1    Sean93

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 12:59 AM

When a loved one dies, how do you react/have reacted? Be honest about it, it makes for an interesting discussion.  

For me, all my emotions only come out when I by myself, I hate being sentimental around others and try my best to avoid it at all costs. I don't cry at funerals although I almost felt like doing so at My Grandfathers a few months back simply because I was with him hours before he died and he said to me "For the first time in a while, I feel better". It's almost surreal in a way if you've ever experienced it, getting the news that someone you were talking with a few hours ago has died suddenly. I felt numb and somewhat emotionless when the paramedics were trying to resuscitate him, seeing everyone crying and hugging, it's all weird the way people act at these times and I don't like it, my little sister looked at me and said "Why aren't you crying?" which kinda' annyed me because she said it as if it was some requirement although I understand where she's coming from in a way. The only time I felt like tearing was when I found myself in my Grandfathers' empty home. I opened his DVD player to put in a DVD of my own and there was his favorite film, that starred Ava Gardner, his favorite actress; many times I'd sit with him when he was drunk on whiskey and he'd watch the damn thing over and over again, that's the closest I've come to crying at death at a mature age but as it stands, death to me is a natural thing that should be accepted and gotten over with as soon as possible. But that's my take.

I personally don't like all the crying and misery and mopping around and so reserve it, it's handier that way. I bet all the loved ones who have passed would want us to get on with our lives and not waste away, of course it might be hard to do for some people and that's understandable if you're that kinda' person. I guess if I were a religious person I'd find more solace in death but considering I'm not, I still find a bit of comfort knowing that it'll all be over, life I mean in terms of all the **** we have to pull through only to die in the end; imagine everlasting peace in a void of nothing. To go back to my grandfather for a second: he was a sever worrier and got upset at small things so in that sense, I'm glad he's at peace now, even if my idea of peace isn't all fine wine, harps and cherubs.

So fire away.

Edited by Sean93, 07 February 2013 - 01:01 AM.

"Regarding life, the wisest men of all ages have judged it alike: It is worthless."

"Be peaceful, be courteous, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery."

#2    Ashotep

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 01:28 AM

Its according how close I was to that person.  My Grandfather I cried for a week and couldn't eat or sleep.  My Grandmother was the one that hurt me the most, I cried for three weeks, couldn't think about her without crying.  She was more of a mother to me than my mother was.  When my mom died I cried at her funeral and that was it but she was suffering so it was for the best.  I cried for a week after my dog died, she was my best friend.  She was by my side constantly, slept by my bed.  She would of preferred sleeping in it with me but being a rottweiler she was too big.

When I lost them I really didn't think anything happened after you died.  Since then I have seen a ghost.


#3    Lilly

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 01:29 AM

Just an observation: It's different when older people die (as they've had their lives) verses when children or young adults die. Only those of us who have lost children or siblings can appreciate just how different.

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#4    Sean93

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 01:52 AM

View PostLilly, on 07 February 2013 - 01:29 AM, said:

Just an observation: It's different when older people die (as they've had their lives) verses when children or young adults die. Only those of us who have lost children or siblings can appreciate just how different.

I can't hep but think that children who have died at, say childbirth for example, are lucky. As grim as I may sound, I envy unborn children for the simple fact that they got out early. I don't see how life is advertised to be this wonderful thing. Sure I'm only young but so far it's been nasty and boring to say the least and I've seen more bad that good in this world and no, this isn't teenage angst or me trying to be 'out there' and 'shocking' to impress all the big adults on this forum, it's my honest view. I don't think that I am owned anything by life mind you, no one is but I reserve the right to hold my opinion of it regardless.

That being said, when a child dies then I start to sympathize with the parents simply because they'd be distraught about the loss, even more so if the child died in tragic circumstances, that's one thing that keeps me from wanting kids, if something were to happen to them or me. it's a lose-lose outcome either way.

Edited by Sean93, 07 February 2013 - 01:53 AM.

"Regarding life, the wisest men of all ages have judged it alike: It is worthless."

"Be peaceful, be courteous, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery."

#5    notoverrated

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 02:55 AM

View PostSean93, on 07 February 2013 - 01:52 AM, said:

I can't hep but think that children who have died at, say childbirth for example, are lucky. As grim as I may sound, I envy unborn children for the simple fact that they got out early. I don't see how life is advertised to be this wonderful thing. Sure I'm only young but so far it's been nasty and boring to say the least and I've seen more bad that good in this world and no, this isn't teenage angst or me trying to be 'out there' and 'shocking' to impress all the big adults on this forum, it's my honest view. I don't think that I am owned anything by life mind you, no one is but I reserve the right to hold my opinion of it regardless.

That being said, when a child dies then I start to sympathize with the parents simply because they'd be distraught about the loss, even more so if the child died in tragic circumstances, that's one thing that keeps me from wanting kids, if something were to happen to them or me. it's a lose-lose outcome either way.
O.o name 1 thing better then life :P

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#6    Kassekoe99

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 03:07 AM

I was recently thinking about this topic myself. I have lost many people close to me in my life. I am always sad, but rarely cry. My sadness doesn't last long either. I am very sensitive to other people's emotions and energies, so when other people are upset or angry, those feelings come out of me. It's almost like I can feel the peace that the person who has died feels. Maybe that is the wrong way to put it, but it's my best. I agree with you that the ones who die are lucky. I love living, but most of us are taught that where we go after life is grand. Why wouldn't you want that for someone else instead of this cruel world? People often mistake my actions for not giving a damn when a person or pet dies for not caring enough. I think some people are ok with death and accept it, and others are a bit selfish and don't want to be hurt or miss a person or pet.


#7    MechPenProdigy

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 06:51 AM

I've watched a lot of people die in my short time here on Earth, and only once have I ever cried. I think you're right in saying they wouldn't want us wasting our life grieving over their death...I know I wouldn't want that. I very rarely cry over someone's death, but sometimes I just don't understand. These last few years have really changed my perspective on things. One summer I had a very old friend die in a car accident. She wasn't wearing her seat belt, and she flew through the windshield. It was awful...then the following summer another one of my friends died in a car accident. This time she was wearing her seat belt...and it crushed her. Sometimes I sit up late at night and wonder, "Why am I alive? Is there something special about me? Am I wasting my life? Would they feel like their lives were wasted and short-lived?" I like to think not...and one thing better than life? That's an easy one. Love, of course. It's the only thing that keeps me holding on. If I didn't want to let down the ones that love me, I would have offed myself a long time ago.

Edited by MechPenProdigy, 07 February 2013 - 06:51 AM.

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#8    Jinxdom

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:21 AM

I'm simply don't, there is no need to, death is something that is simply just is. Instead of lingering on the fact they are gone, It's just business as usual, when i miss them linger on the good times and be glad that I had them and what I learned from them, and try to pass that on. Then again I seen lots of people die right around me as a kid. So I had plenty of chances to practice how to deal with it. People think I'm heartless because of it that is fine, but trying to hold on to them and basically keeping them alive in your heart is like the mental equivalent of a zombie. Sooner or later it's gonna eat your brains.


#9    Frank Merton

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:28 AM

View PostLilly, on 07 February 2013 - 01:29 AM, said:

Just an observation: It's different when older people die (as they've had their lives) verses when children or young adults die. Only those of us who have lost children or siblings can appreciate just how different.
Now that is not something I have experienced.  Old people want to live as much as young people, and our lives are so short that it hardly is a real difference.


#10    Frank Merton

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:30 AM

We should feel free to cry in our grief, and we should not feel guilty if we don't.  Each of us is different and each death affects us differently.


#11    Frank Merton

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 07:33 AM

View PostJinxdom, on 07 February 2013 - 07:21 AM, said:

I'm simply don't, there is no need to, death is something that is simply just is. Instead of lingering on the fact they are gone, It's just business as usual, when i miss them linger on the good times and be glad that I had them and what I learned from them, and try to pass that on. Then again I seen lots of people die right around me as a kid. So I had plenty of chances to practice how to deal with it. People think I'm heartless because of it that is fine, but trying to hold on to them and basically keeping them alive in your heart is like the mental equivalent of a zombie. Sooner or later it's gonna eat your brains.

Sill, I can't help but miss them.


#12    Sean93

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 08:46 AM

View Postnotoverrated, on 07 February 2013 - 02:55 AM, said:

O.o name 1 thing better then life :P

Dreamless sleep. Yeah you're still alive but you don't know it do you?

"Regarding life, the wisest men of all ages have judged it alike: It is worthless."

"Be peaceful, be courteous, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery."

#13    Kassekoe99

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Posted 08 February 2013 - 03:48 AM

View PostMechPenProdigy, on 07 February 2013 - 06:51 AM, said:

I like to think not...and one thing better than life? That's an easy one. Love, of course. It's the only thing that keeps me holding on. If I didn't want to let down the ones that love me, I would have offed myself a long time ago.

I agree that love is better than life. I am finally OK with being alive. I had a son out of wedlock 11 years ago. He asks me sometimes why I had him. I think some parents would dance around this question or give a generic answer. I tell him the truth...I believe everything happens for a reason, and the reason for his being was to save my life.


#14    Cryptid_Control

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Posted 10 February 2013 - 12:16 AM

View PostJinxdom, on 07 February 2013 - 07:21 AM, said:

I'm simply don't, there is no need to, death is something that is simply just is. Instead of lingering on the fact they are gone, It's just business as usual, when i miss them linger on the good times and be glad that I had them and what I learned from them, and try to pass that on. Then again I seen lots of people die right around me as a kid. So I had plenty of chances to practice how to deal with it. People think I'm heartless because of it that is fine, but trying to hold on to them and basically keeping them alive in your heart is like the mental equivalent of a zombie. Sooner or later it's gonna eat your brains.

Exactly my mentality about death!

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#15    pallidin

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Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:44 AM

When my mother died from cancer, I was a "basket case" for a while.(she was a very good mother, it hurt me a lot)

Even alcohol, which normally lifts me up, did nothing. Even with liquor shots, it felt like I had not drank at all. Weird.

After her death(back in '96), I must confess that I think more of my own death now.

Edited by pallidin, 10 February 2013 - 07:50 AM.





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