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c'mon dude...gimme your best jokes!


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43 replies to this topic

#1    Melo -

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Posted 10 February 2013 - 01:54 AM

i feel like the weirdness of this forum can add fuelzizz to this laughter-box im trying to bring to life!

what makes you laugh, dude?...anything makes me laugh hysterically, but not as much as a person with the last name 'cummings' LOL!



so if anyone will answer,...what tickles your nipples??.....im extremely curious....and no not bi-curious, lol!

more dangerous than any weapon is a face of evil, with a mask of good intention...

#2    Likely Guy

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Posted 10 February 2013 - 05:02 AM

It's your responsibility, as the OP, to provide your best joke.

That's a gimme!

You show us your's, we'll show you our's.


#3    MainerMikeBrown

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 09:28 PM

You know you're misinformed if someone comes up to you and asks if you'd like to invest in condominums and you say "I've never used one before."

LOL


#4    Technocrat

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Posted 18 April 2013 - 09:50 PM

A tortoise was mugged by a gang of snails. When he was asked afterwards if he could identify any of the assailants he said he didn't get a good look at any of them as it all happened so fast!

Edited by MrSerendipity, 18 April 2013 - 09:51 PM.

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​"​A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely fool proof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams.

#5    Lor_rainne

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Posted 21 April 2013 - 12:58 AM

ya will......... zi don't really think I have a sence of humor.....least  not that I'm aware of......HJowevert I can res


#6    Lor_rainne

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Posted 21 April 2013 - 01:41 AM

hugh.... I..no I don't think I have a sence of humor that  iam really aware of at the moment...:

oh , ha! I just had some gin . soo I when down in the glen , I was dress
very ah , very much dressed up in my promdress .So i took my gin , down to the glen and said to my
new my freind would like to share my  gin . well . to my suprise she spit in my eye,.....
now , the glen is mine .cause i am nice. as nice as a neibor could see.
mr.toad face , asked if i was tippsy..ha ha.....yeah , so he call the cops the even drove down in the glen.
toad face. said ya..see take her away...   So willy say s  she.s not goin any where! pal. so my neibor yelled
sain' put herin jail,I demand it
, ...K got to tellya this before I tell ya that .. willy the cop, said hey pal your trust passing. he memtioned his lama
was being molested hhhYA!   .... willy knows me well .... kinkda a boring day , so he said You Sir Are on privte property
the guy was MAD  YEah Like deep red color...  then he started say in something about my prom dress... oh yes .with lama  spittle down the front... I said where is your cow we were friends & she loved my drink a small bit of gin.
they took her to the Butcher........... And bought 2 lamas .  I said would you next time be a dear and tell me whats going on in my glen ... any way.... he got educated before jail he had to buy  a 2nd hand prom dress.And come too the realizetion that do what you want  just stay ouff my glen.  Morol of the Story That  Amercains  Don't really give a rats butt what yado  as long as you stay in your  own glen.   or yard.. or wooded area .....
I'll meet these lamas or Yamas tomorrow in my New old prom dress....an other moral " just because you have a place in the the woods doesn't mean we have too dress like an animal.   AM I NOT right?     what happen to ol toad face, he's in jail for dIP dui ah don't care  bye!!!!   chaos -charm a new dress  my work is done.


#7    Slave2Fate

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Posted 21 April 2013 - 02:01 AM

One of the funniest jokes I ever heard and I can only remember the punchline.

'Rectum? Hell, it damn near killed him!'

Any joke that ends with that has got to be pretty damn funny... :lol:

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#8    Technocrat

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Posted 21 April 2013 - 12:00 PM

View PostLor_rainne, on 21 April 2013 - 01:41 AM, said:

hugh.... I..no I don't think I have a sence of humor that  iam really aware of at the moment...:

oh , ha! I just had some gin . soo I when down in the glen , I was dress
very ah , very much dressed up in my promdress .So i took my gin , down to the glen and said to my
new my freind would like to share my  gin . well . to my suprise she spit in my eye,.....
now , the glen is mine .cause i am nice. as nice as a neibor could see.
mr.toad face , asked if i was tippsy..ha ha.....yeah , so he call the cops the even drove down in the glen.
toad face. said ya..see take her away...   So willy say s  she.s not goin any where! pal. so my neibor yelled
sain' put herin jail,I demand it
, ...K got to tellya this before I tell ya that .. willy the cop, said hey pal your trust passing. he memtioned his lama
was being molested hhhYA!   .... willy knows me well .... kinkda a boring day , so he said You Sir Are on privte property
the guy was MAD  YEah Like deep red color...  then he started say in something about my prom dress... oh yes .with lama  spittle down the front... I said where is your cow we were friends & she loved my drink a small bit of gin.
they took her to the Butcher........... And bought 2 lamas .  I said would you next time be a dear and tell me whats going on in my glen ... any way.... he got educated before jail he had to buy  a 2nd hand prom dress.And come too the realizetion that do what you want  just stay ouff my glen.  Morol of the Story That  Amercains  Don't really give a rats butt what yado  as long as you stay in your  own glen.   or yard.. or wooded area .....
I'll meet these lamas or Yamas tomorrow in my New old prom dress....an other moral " just because you have a place in the the woods doesn't mean we have too dress like an animal.   AM I NOT right? what happen to ol toad face, he's in jail for dIP dui ah don't care  bye!!!!   chaos -charm a new dress  my work is done.
  

???? :sleepy:

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​"​A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely fool proof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams.

#9    YukiEsmaElite0

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Posted 30 April 2013 - 01:05 PM

Funny joke?
Okay, what's the worst part about food poisoning in Germany?
The wurst has yet to come! LOL FAIL :lol:

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#10    Moon Gazer

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Posted 30 April 2013 - 01:28 PM

View PostMelo -, on 10 February 2013 - 01:54 AM, said:

i feel like the weirdness of this forum can add fuelzizz to this laughter-box im trying to bring to life!

what makes you laugh, dude?...anything makes me laugh hysterically, but not as much as a person with the last name 'cummings' LOL!



so if anyone will answer,...what tickles your nipples??.....im extremely curious....and no not bi-curious, lol!

The question "what tickles your nipples?" has got the biggest laugh out of me today :clap:


#11    Moon Gazer

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Posted 30 April 2013 - 01:34 PM

Actually, my kids made me laugh last night.  For reference, Dan is my 6yr old, Josh my my 4yr old and Dave my husband.

So we're driving home and Josh is trying to show Dave something on his finger.  Dan shouts "no, don't look it's a booger!".

So Dave says "Josh don't you wipe it on the seat or you won't be getting a Kinder egg when we get to the shop".

Josh assure us he won't.

30 seconds later Dan goes "uurrrgggghhhhhh gross...... he's put it back up his nose!!!!!"

Kids are gross lol. :lol:


#12    freetoroam

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Posted 30 April 2013 - 01:38 PM

I have some cracking jokes, but its not worth a 2 weeks suspension.

In an ideal World a law would be passed were NO guns were allowed and all those out there destroyed, trouble is the law makers are not going to take a risk of trying to pass that without making sure they are armed first.

#13    praetorian-legio XIII

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Posted 30 April 2013 - 01:42 PM

A skeleton walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender,shaking his head walks over and says "OK what'll it be"
The skeleton replies " Get me a pitcher of beer and a mop"


#14    Technocrat

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Posted 30 April 2013 - 02:55 PM

View Postfreetoroam, on 30 April 2013 - 01:38 PM, said:

I have some cracking jokes, but its not worth a 2 weeks suspension.

I didn't know about the two weeks' suspension!

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​"​A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely fool proof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams.

#15    Technocrat

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Posted 30 April 2013 - 03:03 PM

A man walked into a chemist's and said, "Have you got any Viagra?" The assistant asked, "Do you have a prescription Sir?" "No," said the man, "But I have a photograph of the wife!"

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​"​A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely fool proof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams.




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