Fasting from thoughts
Personal thoughts are not often freely chosen. Tapes or inner movies might be a better word for many of us. In the inner domain there is no time. The past, present and yes our thoughts of the future all exist side by side. Most memories from the past are hidden. In fact I believe most of our days are consigned to oblivion. Not in the sense that the memories cease to exist, they are just out of sight and mind; many for good reason.
Many of our internal commentaries that run on automatic that have the same storyline but will have different people playing the different roles from day to day, or even from hour to hour; have their roots in the deep past. Our inner landscape is filled with all kinds of inner turmoil, as well as more positive emotions and feelings that have their root in our personal experiences when very young. Say the first five years of our lives. It is from here that the psyche gets its energy for many of our unconscious actions throughout the day. That is why they can seem so intense and yes primitive in how they are experienced.
The problem with these inner musings is that they do have a life of their own and even if they are painful to experience, they are known and may carry with them a certain species of comfort. One such is making everyone else the problem, while the one having the thoughts is the victim, or the one seeking and getting revenge, or perhaps the one who abandons instead of being left behind. It is trying to set things straight, but it only disassociates from reality and can destroy deeply important relationships.
Fasting from such thoughts, that is, stepping in and gently stopping them, difficult as that may be, will simply turn them to ash for a time, though they will return. I believe the actual desire to step back from these deeply felt inner experiences, can be very painful since it is a call to face reality in the ‘now’ and to start the process of unraveling these inner knots. Once the journey is begun, no matter how slow it may seem, healing does begin. For the moment one begins to ask questions of ‘why’ some form of objectivity is slowly established.
It is funny how hungry I can get for these inner fantasies, these breaks with reality. In fact I do sink into them, but as I age the time I am lost in this inner maze lessens as the years go by. How I deal with people now, how I speak to them, how I do not scapegoat them is what is important. Wiping out the inner world is not the issue; it is learning how to be present and to slowly untie the chains that our past can bind us with, not to have absolutely control of our inner domain.
When awake we do dream,
lost in our inner pain or anger,
our desires or needs,
the world takes on that reality,
yet in fact, we may be dreaming,
the waking up is the task,
harder than it seems,
perhaps a life long process,
this waking up.