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why is homophobia commonplace?


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#61    FLOMBIE

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:06 AM

I am very sorry to hear that, pallidin. I can't even imagine what a horrible experience that must have been. But you shouldn't be biased towards homosexuals. They are not all rapists, or pedophiles.


#62    Frank Merton

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:06 AM

Something similar happened to me when I was going to school in the States, but it was just weird and I never did anything about it.  First, of course, I was about twenty (memory doesn't serve me well when it comes to exact ages) so it was not about child rape, but it was still rape.  The guy cornered me in a men's room and tried to jack me off; but I didn't respond and turned away so he jacked himself off and then fled.  It all happened in a matter of a few seconds, and there was no "penetration" or anything like that.

The truth is, I kinda felt sorry for him, being so frustrated that he resorts to that.


#63    Likely Guy

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:22 AM

View PostFLOMBIE, on 28 February 2013 - 07:06 AM, said:

I am very sorry to hear that, pallidin. I can't even imagine what a horrible experience that must have been. But you shouldn't be biased towards homosexuals. They are not all rapists, or pedophiles.

I made a similar post, except that I guess that it disappeared in the ether.

Except that, given that trauma, any bias after the fact would be understandable.


#64    pallidin

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:24 AM

View PostFrank Merton, on 28 February 2013 - 07:06 AM, said:

Something similar happened to me when I was going to school in the States, but it was just weird and I never did anything about it.  First, of course, I was about twenty (memory doesn't serve me well when it comes to exact ages) so it was not about child rape, but it was still rape.  The guy cornered me in a men's room and tried to jack me off; but I didn't respond and turned away so he jacked himself off and then fled.  It all happened in a matter of a few seconds, and there was no "penetration" or anything like that.

The truth is, I kinda felt sorry for him, being so frustrated that he resorts to that.


I think(?) my source of homophobia is the result of my being raped as a very young child, and changing my life for the worse.

What's strange, or maybe not, if I am totally sober around gays I'm somewhat perfectly fine and have a sense of acceptance regarding their lifestyle.
But, if I'm drunk I find myself getting very angry. And VERY loud about it. I know, it's my problem.

Lesbians, for some reason, I have no problem with.

I stay away from many bars for the reason of my anger.

Edited by pallidin, 28 February 2013 - 07:29 AM.


#65    Likely Guy

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:30 AM

View PostFrank Merton, on 28 February 2013 - 07:06 AM, said:

Something similar happened to me...

The truth is, I kinda felt sorry for him, being so frustrated that he resorts to that.

I'm sorry Frank, I can't 'like' your comment per se. Again, all I can say is that I'm sorry to learn that. :(


#66    Likely Guy

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:47 AM

View Postpallidin, on 28 February 2013 - 07:24 AM, said:


I stay away from many bars for the reason of my anger.

Decades ago an ex-girlfriend came to the city I was living in and called me up for a visit. But she also wanted to visit an ex-roomate of her's living there as well that was, how they say, 'flaming'.

He and his 3 friends met up with us at a place (restaurant/bar) called Doll & Pennies on Robson St., Vancouver. We had the quintessential 'gay sarcastic waiter' and everything. I'd never had such fun time in my life, ever. Two or three times over the evening I had to wipe tears of laughter from my face. I grew up in a redneck town but for me, any thought of homophobia was forever dispelled. :)

That said, your personal bias is understandable. :(


#67    pallidin

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:51 AM

Thank you. I'm going to leave this topic for now as it's hard on me.

Peace...


#68    Frank Merton

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:53 AM

View PostLikely Guy, on 28 February 2013 - 07:30 AM, said:

I'm sorry Frank, I can't 'like' your comment per se. Again, all I can say is that I'm sorry to learn that. :(
There is no particular reason you should "like" it, but I don't understand why you are sorry that I kinda felt sorry for him.


#69    Likely Guy

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 08:00 AM

View PostFrank Merton, on 28 February 2013 - 07:53 AM, said:

There is no particular reason you should "like" it, but I don't understand why you are sorry that I kinda felt sorry for him.

Sorry Frank, miscommunication. I'm not sorry that you felt sorry for him. I'm sorry for your experience.


#70    Frank Merton

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 08:06 AM

View PostLikely Guy, on 28 February 2013 - 08:00 AM, said:

Sorry Frank, miscommunication. I'm not sorry that you felt sorry for him. I'm sorry for your experience.
It wasn't a bad experience.  I wasn't frightened or angry or even repulsed.  Just disinterested, and my turning away was pure reflex (although I think the correct thing to do in that I really did not know what he might be attempting until I was able to reflect on it).

I think that is how straight guys should respond to such approaches -- "Sorry, Mack, not my thing."  Of course if the guy is a minor then the authorities or at least a parent should be told about it.


#71    Nathan DiYorio

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 08:25 AM

That's how I'll respond to asking me out.

Giving me an unwanted reach-around is a totally different scenario. I would not react kindly.

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#72    Frank Merton

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 08:36 AM

View PostNathan DiYorio, on 28 February 2013 - 08:25 AM, said:

That's how I'll respond to asking me out.

Giving me an unwanted reach-around is a totally different scenario. I would not react kindly.
Well yea of course.


#73    shrooma

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 11:33 AM

View PostNathan DiYorio, on 27 February 2013 - 07:39 PM, said:

Homosexuality is a mental disorder in the same vein as many other things (such as being artistic, apparently)
.
i'm artistic, does that mean I now qualify for some kind of government grant on account of my newly discovered mental disorder??
in fact, knackers to the grant, i'd be happy with some free psychotropics!
yaaayy! mogadon paaarteee!!
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#74    Moon Gazer

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

View Postpallidin, on 28 February 2013 - 06:55 AM, said:

Thanks. Yeah, it really messed-up my teen years with girls. (I felt so ashamed, inside, telling no-one, and thus being very shy around girls)

I am happy to say that the second person was arrested and is in prison for multiple minor-child rapes.

Just to say, I "liked" your post because the person is in prison not because of the first part!


#75    Moon Gazer

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:36 PM

View Postpallidin, on 28 February 2013 - 07:24 AM, said:

I think(?) my source of homophobia is the result of my being raped as a very young child, and changing my life for the worse.

What's strange, or maybe not, if I am totally sober around gays I'm somewhat perfectly fine and have a sense of acceptance regarding their lifestyle.
But, if I'm drunk I find myself getting very angry. And VERY loud about it. I know, it's my problem.

Lesbians, for some reason, I have no problem with.

I stay away from many bars for the reason of my anger.

While I can't stand homophobia, yours is based on actual events that caused these feelings in you.  Im my opinion it's perfectly understandable why you feel that way.





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