Trying to be a caregiver
Boundaries can be difficult when trying to be a caregiver. Each person is so unique that different paths need to be taken with them. The compulsive side to any gift one has is the major source of suffering in any aspect of work and the only way out of that situation is to yet again look at the under-side of the upper-side. People who need to be taken care or in positions of powerlessness that most of us don't understand until we are there. So when to allow and when to say no can be difficult. Dealing with their anxious concerns can also be wearing, but I believe that anything worthwhile will always bring a time of self-introspection and hopefully a new beginning until next time. If not, well there is always burn out.
Many become caregivers because they have to. Taking care of one person, a loved one, can actually be much more difficult than what I do, since I have help and work in an environment where I can if need be take a break. Those who are alone often can’t, so the experience is different not only by degree but also the danger to physical health. Family caregivers often die before the ones they are trying to help, the stress being so great. For some this happens because they never learn to set boundaries, nor can they let go of control of their role and allow others in….this can be and in fact is often unconscious. For others, other family members don’t help; often because the caregiver fails to let others know what they exactly need, then get angry when no help comes their way. It is a difficult situation for all when this happens.
If the care giver knows that his or her self-care is up to them, then things won’t spiral out of control. Self care leads to a better ability to care for others. If not then there is anger, resentment and communication can be impossible. What I call a ‘human situation’, one that can’t be resolved since any responsibility is not taken to rectify the situation.