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Why do people get so mad when questioned ?


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#151    artymoon

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 01:29 AM

View PostSherapy, on 18 August 2013 - 07:32 PM, said:

Hey Arty, it has been a while since you have been on Um, nice to see you posting.


Arty, for me, it doesn't make sense to advocate tolerance and neutral language on one hand, yet excuse Limbaugh on the other. As a culture we are trying to move towards a more respectful dialog especially when we disagree with others. I think (IMO) we could try and see if we could benefit from communication standards in the way we disagree and challenge the things we do not hold fast too.
It is my understanding/experience/opinion that Limbaugh has a difficult time doing this; in other words, it is not his strong suit.


http://www.carbonite...Ads-on-Limbaugh

With that being said it is nice to see you back posting, Arty.
Hi Sheri, thanks for the welcome back. The forum is certainly not as busy as I remember though!

Regarding your points:

I don't excuse Limbaugh, I agree with him. But this post isn't about defending him or trying to convince you otherwise. It is more about the action of seeking out the truth, no matter if it hurts or challenges what you thought you believed was true. And really my overall point is… many people just don't care and are lazy, they just don't try hard enough to search for truth. They're perfectly happy accepting that what they're told is true. We owe it to ourselves to seek and become more knowledgeable… it's either that or become sheeple. And to clarify I'm using 'truth' in how it applies to human interactions with each other and their dealings if you will… not necessarily in the broad sense of people's religious beliefs (truth nonetheless to them).

Also, I'm not necessarily a fan of neutral language and tolerance(political correctness) either… just for the sake of each. It hinders our ability to speak honestly and can cloud judgement and instincts. For tolerance to be successful persons involved must have certain core principles that are aligned. If they aren't, then obviously that can bring about conflict, especially if one side wishes to change the other.

Political parties are a perfect example of how we can be pulled apart as individuals. I have had political conversations with many people from every side and 85% of the stuff we'd debate we'd come to agreement on at the end. And usually it ends up we all want significantly less government intrusion in our lives. Most of us want freedom of speech (not freedom from being offended), freedom to worship or not, a free-market system, freedom to protect ourselves and our property. I believe a majority of humans want this. Our downfall as people is when we try to control each other, and it happens from all sides and has happened as long as history has been written.


#152    Ealdwita

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 10:58 AM

View PostFrank Merton, on 18 August 2013 - 11:44 PM, said:

My we are walking on eggs today;  .

"Politeness costs nothing and betimes eases the road ahead."

Samuel Pepys

Edited by ealdwita, 19 August 2013 - 11:17 AM.

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#153    brlesq1

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 12:20 PM

In my life's experiences, limited as those may be, I find that people don't like to be questioned about their beliefs, whether it's religion, politics, or belief in the paranormal. Maybe it's because by your questioning their beliefs, then they end up questioning them, also. Which, of course, begs the question of whether they really believed in the first place.

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#154    Asadora

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 03:09 PM

I'm just going to jump in here and say my two pence worth. [Please keep in mind: The following words are based on my own personal experiences in dealing with people on a day to day basis. I realise that what I may say, could cause various heckles to be raised, but remember, these are experiences that I have had with people, people that may very well not fit into your own shoes.] - Thank you for reading my disclaimer.

People have different reasons and justifications for how they react when questioned. Most of the time it does matter as to -how- the question is poised, with tone and inflection and depending on the former in the manner in which it was received, this could cause the answerer to feel put on the spot or suddenly defensive for a plethora of reasons. When the answerer responds with a emotional reaction which is to be representative of how the answerer has been made to feel, then the questioner finds themselves perhaps offended in the way on how the answerer is perceiving them, which quickly raises the defenses of the questioner.

"I don't understand how you can spout such nonsense. Why do you do it?"
"How can you believe in something that doesn't make sense to anyone else?"
"Why don't you just explain how you came to that conclusion?"

The questions listed above can be read in different ways, depending on the person who is reading them. Mostly the perception of these types of questions can have a negative outcome. Words are important when communicating especially on a wider audience. Forming those words with the intention of them being well received can produce a more positive outcome.

"Can you give more detail on that? I'm quite curious."
"It is admirable that you can have such strength in your convictions. Can you explain as to how it makes sense to you?"
"I am very interested to hear you explain that conclusion, could you please?"

Diplomacy, tact, artfulness, however you may wish to see it, is something that could be perhaps bring a more positive aire to many communication mediums.
Restraint from any emotional context when asking someone a question can be difficult. Especially when the topic is rather emotional itself. So, it may be best to expect someone somewhere to be offended and/or upset even when a basic question is asked. No one knows the path that someone else's shoes have walked, so in all things in dealing with others, remember you don't know their emotional triggers, so do be careful in -how- you ask them a question.

Questions are good things. It is in our nature to ask, to want to know, why, when, and how. We are just as passionate in our questions as we are in our answers. Never be afraid to ask a question, (a polite worded one, mind you.) But do be cautious in the way in which the answer could be possibly received.

We are Humans. We are social creatures. We all want that extra bit of attention, because we all feel that what we say, think and feel are important and everyone should be aware. We have social media which can either compel us to tell the world of our bad hair days or provoke us into commenting on the bad hair days of others. We have forums where sometimes the replies come thick and fast and sometimes they are left alone, until someone with their own answer to whatever question was poised, comes along and sparks new life into that thread.

The questions themselves are not 'bad', it is simply how the questions are asked and the intention behind them. Obviously a ill-Will threaded question will receive a ill-Willed, yet, passionate answer. A neutral question could be received better; however, even if the intention of the question was good or neutral, it doesn't make it a secure known that the person asked will not be passionate in answer.

The relationship status could also be a factor, as to why the reason why the answerer may feel the need to become upset when questioned. If someone you see everyday, asks you a question, then you may feel more at ease in giving them an answer on a level to where it is maintainable. The more you know a person, the easier it is to tell them your own truth, without fear of judgmental reprisal. The less you know of a person, then naturally you may not feel so 'free' with your answer, so you hold back, causing a sense of defense.

We are all so different that I think that each person will have their own personal answer as to why being questioned can cause upset. I don't like to upset people or have them feel awkward when speaking with me, so I am always fully aware of my tongue and proceed with caution whenever a question threatens to escape my mouth;)

Thank you for reading.
Kind Regards:)

Edited by Asadora, 19 August 2013 - 03:12 PM.

"From time to time there appear on the face of the earth men of rare and consummate excellence, who dazzle us by their virtue, and whose outstanding qualities shed a stupendous light. Like those extraordinary stars of whose origins we are ignorant, and of whose fate, once they have vanished, we know even less, such men have neither forebears nor descendants: they are the whole of their race."  -- Jean de la Bruyere 1645-1696.

#155    Sherapy

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 04:41 PM

View Postartymoon, on 19 August 2013 - 01:29 AM, said:

Hi Sheri, thanks for the welcome back. The forum is certainly not as busy as I remember though!

Regarding your points:

I don't excuse Limbaugh, I agree with him. But this post isn't about defending him or trying to convince you otherwise. It is more about the action of seeking out the truth, no matter if it hurts or challenges what you thought you believed was true. And really my overall point is… many people just don't care and are lazy, they just don't try hard enough to search for truth. They're perfectly happy accepting that what they're told is true. We owe it to ourselves to seek and become more knowledgeable… it's either that or become sheeple. And to clarify I'm using 'truth' in how it applies to human interactions with each other and their dealings if you will… not necessarily in the broad sense of people's religious beliefs (truth nonetheless to them).

Also, I'm not necessarily a fan of neutral language and tolerance(political correctness) either… just for the sake of each. It hinders our ability to speak honestly and can cloud judgement and instincts. For tolerance to be successful persons involved must have certain core principles that are aligned. If they aren't, then obviously that can bring about conflict, especially if one side wishes to change the other.

Political parties are a perfect example of how we can be pulled apart as individuals. I have had political conversations with many people from every side and 85% of the stuff we'd debate we'd come to agreement on at the end. And usually it ends up we all want significantly less government intrusion in our lives. Most of us want freedom of speech (not freedom from being offended), freedom to worship or not, a free-market system, freedom to protect ourselves and our property. I believe a majority of humans want this. Our downfall as people is when we try to control each other, and it happens from all sides and has happened as long as history has been written.
For me, I find that depending on who I am talking to will depend on how I frame my opinion, some people are comfortable with a balls out conversation, some are not and I would work within that, as my objective is to further the conversation, not be right, not to clash and create division. I do not observe that the only way one can be honest is by using an aggressive approach though. I think honesty can show up in respectful debates too. I do agree though that if a person has good points to consider it can get through, regardless of approach. Like what you are sharing-- that for you Limbaugh works and I have no issue with that as you yourself are neutral/respectful in your approach. I will not be adding Limbaugh any time soon, :blush: but the crux of your message does make sense to me and it seems you are saying keep an open mind-- do not be daunted by an approach. Good point, Arty.

Edited by Sherapy, 19 August 2013 - 04:44 PM.


#156    Frank Merton

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 07:10 PM

I've only listened to Limbaugh maybe half a dozen times; there were things I agreed with and things I didn't.  However, he simplifies and resorts to jokes that are deliberately insulting.


#157    Sherapy

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 10:53 PM

View PostFrank Merton, on 19 August 2013 - 07:10 PM, said:

I've only listened to Limbaugh maybe half a dozen times; there were things I agreed with and things I didn't.  However, he simplifies and resorts to jokes that are deliberately insulting.

For me, he leans way to far to the right, although at times on some issues I think it can spotlight the seriousness of an issue. For instance, I would/do advocate non violence and am far left on considering ways to implement gun control. My youngest son who is pursuing an eventual career in Law Enforcement takes a "righter" position. The interesting thing is we do not resort to retorts, or deliberate insulitng of each other, or stony "I disagree to agree stand offs" and the interesting outcome is we both listen and respect the others POV. We use neutral language and are honest at the same time. I do think a resepctful approach can help facilitate dialogs that are fruitful and productive for povs that disagree. (It has been viable in my house.) I think having  a voice is important and a blessing, but I would try and choose to use it with integrity though, if possible. I think one can benefit from being clear on their intent on a issue, at times people can get lost and invested in the need to be right instead of effective, I sure have at times.. Just my two cents though.

Edited by Sherapy, 19 August 2013 - 10:54 PM.


#158    Leonardo

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 10:23 PM

As with any public place, people have different reasons for visiting UM. Some come here for open-minded discussion. Some come here to evaluate, or examine, their beliefs - or some aspect of their beliefs. Some come to 'window-shop' and just see what others have to say without necessarily inputting anything of their own. And some come to have their beliefs validated.

It is this last group (although the list I provided is not exhaustive) that I believe the OP has found most difficult most often, and naturally so. However, it is, in part, down to us to recognise why others come here - and that is done through conversation. Sometimes, jumping straight into the topic is the worst possible strategy.

Edited by Leonardo, 22 August 2013 - 10:25 PM.

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