Jump to content




Welcome to Unexplained Mysteries! Please sign in or create an account to start posting and to access a host of extra features.


- - - - -

Classic...see if you remember this


  • Please log in to reply
5 replies to this topic

#1    RedHouseHendrix

RedHouseHendrix

    Alien Embryo

  • Member
  • Pip
  • 19 posts
  • Joined:25 Jun 2013

Posted 27 June 2013 - 10:47 PM

I'm oooooold! And I'm not happy! And I don't like things now compared to the way they used to be. All this progress -- phooey! In my day, we didn't have these cash machines that would give you money when you needed it. There was only one bank in each state -- it was open only one hour a year. And you'd get in line, seventeen miles long, and the line became an angry mob of people -- fornicators and thieves, mutant children and circus freaks -- and you waited for years and by the time you got to the teller, you were senile and arthritic and you couldn't remember your own name. You were born, got in line, and ya died! And that's the way it was and we liked it!

Life was simpler then. There wasn't all this concern about hy-giene! It my days, we didn't have Kleenex. When you turned seventeen, you were given the family handkerchief. ... It hadn't been washed in generations and it stood on its own ... filled with diseases and swarmin' with flies. ... If you tried to blow your nose, you'd get an infection and your head would swell up and turn green and children would burst into tears at the sight o' ya! And that's the way it was and we liked it!

Life was a carnival! We entertained ourselves! We didn't need moooovin' pitchurrrres. In my day, there was only one show in town -- it was called "Stare at the sun!" ... That's right! You'd sit in the middle of an open field and stare up at the sun till your eyeballs burst into flames! And you thought, "Oh, no! Maybe I shouldn't've stared directly into the burning sun with my eyes wide open." But it was too late! Your head was on fire and people were roastin' chickens over it. ... And that's the way it was and we liked it!

Progress?! Flobble-de-flee! In my day, when we were angry and frustrated, we just said, "Flobble-de-flee!" 'cause we were idiots and we didn't know what else to say! Just a bunch o' illiterate Cro-Magnons, blowin' on crusty handkerchiefs, waitin' in lines for our head to burst into flame and that's the way it was and we liked it!

And what's all these safety features in cars nowadays?  When I was a boy we didn't have no air-bags or seat belts, if we got in a head on collision we went through the windshield face first....yep we went the windshield as if we'd been shot out of a cannon  AND WE LIKED IT cuz that's the way it was and we didn't know any better.
(reading it isn't nearly as good as hearing Dana Carvey delivery it but I still get a kick out of it)


#2    kannin

kannin

    Punisher of the wicked

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,766 posts
  • Joined:04 Jun 2013
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:canada

  • the secret to change is to focus all of your energy,not fighting the old, but building the new

Posted 27 June 2013 - 10:54 PM

lmao its pretty funny

happiness can be found in the darkest of times, only if one remembers to turn on the light

#3    bassai26

bassai26

    Ectoplasmic Residue

  • Member
  • Pip
  • 143 posts
  • Joined:04 Aug 2013
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Ethereal Plane

  • "Nobody can choose which star to be born under"

Posted 09 August 2013 - 01:57 PM

preeetty nice....
:yes:


#4    kannin

kannin

    Punisher of the wicked

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,766 posts
  • Joined:04 Jun 2013
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:canada

  • the secret to change is to focus all of your energy,not fighting the old, but building the new

Posted 09 August 2013 - 04:51 PM

lol indeed

happiness can be found in the darkest of times, only if one remembers to turn on the light

#5    brlesq1

brlesq1

    Fan Dancer

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,156 posts
  • Joined:22 Feb 2009
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:The Music Box

  • Reality is highly overrated.

Posted 28 August 2013 - 08:10 PM

That's definitely funny. And I remember when seatbelts in cars cost extra...

Forget what they told you. You want the truth, follow the money.
In this life, things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life, you're on your own.--Prince

#6    Mabon

Mabon

    Psychic Spy

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,688 posts
  • Joined:08 Feb 2007
  • Gender:Female

  • Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
    Baldrick: Yes, it's like goldy and bronzy only it's made out of iron.

Posted 28 August 2013 - 08:50 PM

Oh my! I needed that laugh.


Mabon.

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place.  ~ Emily Dickinson





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users