Let me tell you a little about myself. I grew up in a little hick town in southern Ohio, we didn't have much here. I grew up in a family of 4, I have a younger brother and we lived out in the sticks, in fact most of my family members lived on the same road as me.
We didn't have much growing up as kids, but dad did his best, he worked in the coal mines for 27 years. My mother did the best to raise two young boys. For fun my brother and I, would ride bikes, we grew up on four wheelers, and motorcycles, and Huffy bicycles. We would shoot guns, and go bass and cat fishing, we had tree houses and built damns off the creek beds catching minnows, and crawfish.
I had a regular Nintendo a Sega Genesis, and an Atari with a VHS player for indoor entertainment, we didn't have cable or satellite, growing up we had an antenna which got maybe 7 channels on a good day. We didn't get city water, we got our water from an old spring, my brother and I made a dirt track to ride our bikes and we had made a enough money from mowing lawns and bailing hay to buy a basketball pole and rim that we put in the dirt at the top of the hill, and dad made us a swing off this old oak tree that we would get really high off the ground in and jump out of.
We shot bows, and lots of guns, we had bottles, boxes, and cans, we sat up on the hill and shot at all kinds of stuff. On a good day you would find a snake or squirrel you could try to shoot at. We were to young to drink beer, but dad would bring us home O'douls beer because it was non-alcoholic. We had an apple tree, a honey suckle bush, and a black berry bush in the yard we would pick all the stuff off and eat it. We made homemade cobbler, and pies from the black berries and apples. If we were hiking the caves, and cliffs when we got thirsty if we weren't close to the creek would find some sassafras and chew it.
Our cousins lived next door we would go up to their house, and watch horror movies, and listen to all the new rock music because they were a little older than us. We could listen, to Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Michael Jackson, Kiss, Warrant, Skid Row and Aerosmith, and watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Godzilla, The Terminator and Childs Play.
When we got back home we mostly listened to country music, unless we were with mom she would listen to stuff like Michael Bolton, and Bobby Brown. But my mom worked at a video store called American video so she brought us all kinds of scary movies home to watch which was cool. I really only had one true friend until my teenage years, his name was Jarrod Stafford. He lived about 4 and half miles from my house so we would always meet about halfway by this old church on Pine Ridge off of Valley Chapel. We would decide who's house we would go to at that point. Most of the time we would go out by Jarrod's because he lived by the firework store and Dale would sell us kids fireworks, even though it wasn't legal. lol And we would go out to the Indian Burial ground above Jarrods house and set up a campfire and toss fireworks. We had a pond we would swing into off a grapevine, and we built a fort to shoot nerf guns at each other, Jarrods dad also built him a cabin and his older brother Steven had put a hammock beside it and we would chill out there and build fires and look at playboys and penthouses that we would steal off of Steve. lol
On the weekends we would go out to my house and go up to my uncles race track and watch the races, there would be lots of people there and we could meet pretty girls to talk too. I remember I had a crush on Jennifer Jenkins and Shannon Davidson. I got my first kiss around that time about 13 years old, but it wasn't from either of them it was from a girl from River Valley named Madison she was 17 years old and I was in love. She tongue kissed me on the Ring of Fire at the Apple Festival, I felt like a "real man" lmao. I never seen her again, but she was beautiful and my friends were jealous.
About that time Jarrod, and I had stopped going to church, and spent a lot more time at the town library. By the time I was 15, I had a girlfriend named Lisa and I had stopped listening to country music as much and was almost always listening to heavy metal. I went from wrangler and levi jeans and a nice t-shirt, too Jinco Jeans, baggy Silver Tabs, and rock t-shirts. By that time, I had a few more friends, who were into the same stuff, but Jarrod was still my best friend, even though I was hanging around my friend Hambone a lot more. Hambone and I would walk around town and drink beers looking for girls, listening to music. We started a band called the dumps, and preached about hating the government. We dabbled in Witchcraft, and Satanism, but I mostly was more rational and held strong views of philosophers and psychologist "I was big into science". My room went from Jenny Mccarthy, and Rose McGowan to them plus Slayer black light posters, a lot of Type O Negative and Marilyn Manson my American flag got turned upside down I had glowing stars on the ceiling and chains that connected to each other that went across the room. I had a lot of occult symbols and I hung my Ouija board on the wall. My room was definitely something magical look at especially the different lights and the bubble lamp that stood as tall as my wall. I burned a lot of incense, and by that time I played more video games mostly Playstation, Nintendo 64, and Sega Saturn. I spent a lot of time with my girlfriend, and I worked a job that involved cleaning facilities. I mostly vacuumed, dusted and mopped, it was an easy job, plus I got to see my girlfriend because when I would sweep the bank she would be waiting on me. We stayed together for a year and I lost my virginity that summer right before I turned 16. It was in the back of a Lincoln Continental. I thought I was in love, but we soon broke up, I was heart broken. lol
I decided to take revenge out on the female species, so I went through so many different girls I'm surprised I don't have some lurking STD, but I'm fortunately clean. It was a wild ride a fun ride, but a wild one I must admit. I smoked so much and drank so many King Cobra 40's my studies went from close to a 4.0 to about a 2.0 nothing interested me except beer, heavy metal, my band and *****. And then I got my license lol It all went down hill from there. Every night was a party, everyday at school became a sleep session. I quit the cleaning job and started working at Sonic in town part time, and I got into Insane Clown Posse. Pass though a few years and somehow I did manage to get my high school diploma. Though I didn't do so well my last few years in school, I still was very smart when I needed to be. I took the majority of first places at the Arts Festival, in poetry and art. I also took a superior achievement award for my recycling project at the science fair and was suppose to go to state finals but I chose not to do it. I guess I was afraid a bit, because I had never ventured that far except in wrestling. I was out of my comfort zone.
I scored above 30 on my act and sat's. Anyways by the time I graduated I was working full time as a manager at McDonalds, "I was the youngest at our store ever"
Big mistake for them, because I did so much crazy **** there, I thought I was hot stuff, I had gotten rid of the Lincoln and bought a Rally Sport Camero. All McDonalds was for me was a way to party more, by that time I had quit the Dumps and started rapping, my best friend Joe and I would throw party's inside the store after hours. Joe even had an orgy in the bathroom with a few girls and it was confusing for me because he did stuff with a guy that night as well and I didn't understand.
Once I looked passed all of that and realized he was still that same old Joe, I wasn't a homophobe anymore. It was just that growing up in a small town you never heard of it, and the ones that you suspected were gay kind of kept to themselves. Joe was anything but a suspect, no one expected it out of a guy like him because he was manly, a fighter and rebellious. So he was bi-sexual and still my dude.
So much happened over the years everything became a blur, I started doing a lot of pills and I was drinking more heavily. I landed in jail numerous times for violent fights, substance abuse and dui. My crazy chaotic lifestyle was finally starting to catch up to me, I was 24 years old, sick, battered, and mentally beaten up, so I decided to quit everything.
I quit everything cold turkey, and signed up for college at Rio Grande University. I went for a few years putting my nose to the grindstone, just getting my generals out of the way maintaining a 4.0 gpa. I met a sexy young lady named Randilyn who was a Lambda Kappa Chi and co-captain of the soccer team. I didn't play any sports in college, but I joined a fraternity and I chose the Alpha Eta Omegas we called ourselves AHO's. Randilyn and I dated for awhile, and I spent most of my time dedicating myself to my studies, and writing music. Everything was perfect until one fateful October 13th on a full moon I had decided to go to a huge party with my friend Caleb in Athens University, even after a black widow spider had nearly crawled up my leg earlier that day, and the girl Caleb sit me up with later that night had died shortly after we had left from a man they called Old Pappa who drugged her up with Oxycotins and liquor so he could rape her.
So anyways we head up to this party and it was awesome, until we had to drive home after stopping at the Pita Pit. I got in some big trouble for drinking and driving an trying to outrun the cops, by being afraid I had just ruined college and everything, and I had just made things even worse on myself. I went from a 4.0 to complete failure, I quit going to all of my classes except theater, I spent the rest of my day in the computer room on Myspace talking to a 17 year old girl, or in the shrinks office. I started drinking more and more again, and even though Randilyn was worried about me and was there for me for a lot of my troubles, I pretty much ignored her because of my mental instability. She eventually broke it off with me, and I hardly pay any attention. I was spending more time with a friend in Hamden named Steve who was an older man who had 4 kids, but only two lived with him. Every single night was a party, I practically lived there and I started to grow close to the 17 year old girl although we never did anything together sexually until a few years later. This girl named Lindsey Jay would grow to become one of my best friends and still one of my best friends to this day.
A few years pass and I'm now working at Burger King, and I meet my future ex-wife Vanessa who I have 2 amazing beautiful children with. It was a wild ride, I had quit doing all drugs and drinking again. I was clean for years, going to church again, as well as working out running and lifting weights, eating healthy and tanning.
I was 26 and stayed clean for 4 years dedicating my life to her and my daughter spoiling them both. I had found an amazing job working as a manager of a Gas Station, and I made really good money. Despite the money, and efforts and Vanessa and I being best friends we still managed to fail our marriage "though we are still good friends" we just mutually decided it was best to part ways. It was the drugs. She was still in her early twenty's and the last year we were together was a blur, we got into these things called Opanas and stayed out of our minds despite having a child, although I somehow still managed to pay the bills keep food in the house, put new clothes on my daughters back and keep a full time job. But it all caught up with me, soon the marriage was over and when the government quit making Opanas, which cost us anywhere from 60 to 100 dollars a pill, I had nowhere to turn to but to heroin. I started to do and deal heroin, I met very bad men. I have seen a lot of assault rifles and have been pushed against walls with guns to my head in order to gain trust from people dealing felonies.
Through all the occult practices I had ever done, through all the ghost hunting throughout the years, and trying to commune with spirits, I had finally met the devil. I seen him in the hollow eyes of wicked men, and through needles, lighters and cans. The most euphoric feeling, and angelic being will bring a man the most painful, twisted, sick, and disillusioned wasted world that a man can possible see. I've seen a lot of death and destruction throughout the years I ad 4 close friends taken from me by suicide. Two of them were my old band mates. In an old cemetery on top of a hill, is where I would spend most of my days and nights these last two years. Nodding in and out on anywhere from a gram to a gram and a half, with my friend Riga, listening to Alice In Chains or Type O Negative, a lot of Mushroom head and Devil Driver. I became homeless and both of my cars I took so good of care of went to hell, I lost my job, and both of my kids. I hadn't seen them in 6 months.
Things were looking bleek I went to jail a few more times, the first time I got out I went out and got high again, but this last time I got out I somehow have been managing to stay clean. I've been recovering at my parents house, and am looking for work again, I got a call today from the Barges to work on the river, and I'm thinking about going back to college to finish up in Botany. I want my own greenhouse. There's so much more to the story this isn't even the half of it, but it's all I could jot down without it becoming too stagnant. I figure if I ever write my life out in book form then that would be another story. Today at this moment you'll find a drug free tattooed guy into mostly metal and 60's and country music, I live free and love motorcycles, I spend a lot of time at night in graveyards or spooky places. I stay single chasing girls, and prefer it that way though it can be lonely at times I don't know if I have the loyal devotion for another woman. I sometimes enjoy dark rap like "Myself and Riga", Immortal Technique, Diabolic, Madchild, Twiztid, Insane Clown Posse, Necro, and Mr. Hyde. I still love horror movies, and science books. I still love the country and cat fishing, and ice cold lemonade and tea on hot summer days. My favorite season is Autumn, and I dislike Winter. I'm spirited, curious and almost euphoric in Autumn, in Winter I'm lonely and depressed, in Spring I'm eager, and cheerful, in the Summer I'm confident, and cocky. I still maintain a good relationship with my ex-wife, and my flesh and blood brother we have a good relationship. Sometimes I feel like I have failed my parents, which is why some days I wish I would go before them, but for my children I know I have to be strong. While most people have a happy little cozy life, I still struggle with addiction and failure. But I can say this if I left this earth tonight, I can say it was one hell of a ride.
I use the tortoise and the hare analogy, except in a different sense as most other do. The hare having raw talent being showing off, being overconfident taking risks not afraid of failure who lives in the present which is me, and then you have the tortoise who was slow and steady who had deep insight living for the future, but sad part is no matter how fast or steady we run the race we will never escape the third runner they fail to mention which is death. Life is a constant race against death that will always end in failure. You might appear to be ahead, you might think you got it beat, but death always catches up in the end, and the second before you cross the finish line it will be there to catch your fall. And that's why were always running away from our past. Not me, though I prefer to stare at it in the face.
The things that really shaped me were
1. Heavy Metal
4. Sins especially Lust, and Wrath
5. A small town in the country
6. Horror Movies
Edited by Daughter of the Nine Moons, 03 August 2013 - 02:02 PM.
Removed personal drug use references