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Was Jesus a vampire, or a zombie?


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#1    Elfin

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:02 AM

He collected a group of followers around him and told them to drink his blood, and then, when he was killed, he came back to life 3 days later.

Or was he a zombie, since he also told his followers to eat his body?


#2    rustygh

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:30 AM

Are you asking in the fictional story of jesus was he a vampire?
I guess not as he wouldn't have been killed by crusifiction if a true vampire.
Zombie, hmm could be.


#3    Likely Guy

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:31 AM

Was Jesus a vampire, or a zombie?

Or maybe a saviour or a holy man?


#4    Elfin

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:33 AM

View Postrustygh, on 04 August 2013 - 09:30 AM, said:

Are you asking in the fictional story of jesus was he a vampire?
I guess not as he wouldn't have been killed by crusifiction if a true vampire.
Zombie, hmm could be.

He wasn't killed by crucifixion. He came back to life after 3 days.


#5    Ratte

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:34 AM

Why would a zombie want people to eat its body?

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#6    Elfin

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:35 AM

View PostRatte, on 04 August 2013 - 09:34 AM, said:

Why would a zombie want people to eat its body?

He's probably more of a vampire then.


#7    Ratte

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:37 AM

View PostElfin, on 04 August 2013 - 09:35 AM, said:



He's probably more of a vampire then.
If vampire, I get the drinking blood part because some myths say you have to share the blood, yadda yadda. But eat the body makes no sense in either form.

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#8    Elfin

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:39 AM

View PostRatte, on 04 August 2013 - 09:37 AM, said:

If vampire, I get the drinking blood part because some myths say you have to share the blood, yadda yadda. But eat the body makes no sense in either form.

In older folklore, vampires were a lot more like reanimated corpses than the romantic figures of current imagination. Eating human flesh was not beyond them.


#9    Ratte

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:44 AM

View PostElfin, on 04 August 2013 - 09:39 AM, said:



In older folklore, vampires were a lot more like reanimated corpses than the romantic figures of current imagination. Eating human flesh was not beyond them.
Yes, I love the old stories; the vrykolokas, the jiangshi and all that. But it would seem detrimental for the creature for others to consume its flesh.

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#10    Elfin

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:46 AM

View PostRatte, on 04 August 2013 - 09:44 AM, said:

Yes, I love the old stories; the vrykolokas, the jiangshi and all that. But it would seem detrimental for the creature for others to consume its flesh.

They don't consume all of it, just a small part, so that they can become vampires too.


#11    Likely Guy

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:48 AM

Was Jesus a vampire, or a zombie?

I'm an apathethic agnostic, and I still go with 'holy man'.

Prove the existence of your 'vampires' and 'zombies'.

Edit: Because you introduced them first.

Edited by Likely Guy, 04 August 2013 - 09:53 AM.


#12    Ratte

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:50 AM

View PostElfin, on 04 August 2013 - 09:46 AM, said:



They don't consume all of it, just a small part, so that they can become vampires too.
I still think so many consuming even a tiny piece would still leave notable marks or cause a detriment. Besides, we can't prove anything about Jesus, so, who knows? He could have been a shaved Bigfoot for all we know.

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#13    Elfin

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:55 AM

View PostRatte, on 04 August 2013 - 09:50 AM, said:

I still think so many consuming even a tiny piece would still leave notable marks or cause a detriment. Besides, we can't prove anything about Jesus, so, who knows? He could have been a shaved Bigfoot for all we know.

And yet, we know that if you only take small pieces, it will grow back. If you add it all up, Christians must have eaten countless millions of tons of Jesus every Sunday for the past 2000 years. Where does all this come from? Are there vast storage vats concealed under the Vatican, where Jesus's flesh is grown in petri dishes then sent out to every church, every week?


#14    Ratte

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:57 AM

View PostElfin, on 04 August 2013 - 09:55 AM, said:



And yet, we know that if you only take small pieces, it will grow back. If you add it all up, Christians must have eaten countless millions of tons of Jesus every Sunday for the past 2000 years. Where does all this come from? Are there vast storage vats concealed under the Vatican, where Jesus's flesh is grown in petri dishes then sent out to every church, every week?
You mean those crackers? Those are just symbolism.

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#15    Likely Guy

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:58 AM

Yeah, maybe this topic should be relegated to the creative writing forum.





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