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Lost my faith in romantic. love..but am happy


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#1    LostSouls7

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 06:20 AM

When I was young and even in my early 20s I was very depressed. After reading a lot about the mind and just understanding my own soul it was because I longed for romantic love or to find a pure true soul mate love.
I used to stay up very late reading online about soul mates trying to find answers and get drunk.

Well after some years I simply lost faith in love well romantic love for certain.
The reason for this is I don't really see much real romantic love in the world.

As I have remained pure and STD free. I look at myself as superior to people who sleep around and have STD unwanted children or pay child support. Once I just lost faith in romantic love and focused on myself things changed in my life. Before I made no money and was not productive. Now I am not only productive but make money that I want and am chasing my dreams.

Scarface once said with the right woman I can go straight to the top. The thing is you can go to the top without the right woman. Yet I feel good and iN "love" with life , the universe, my own magical energy, with art, with nature. That is what is true and real to me. People often ask me when they see me out in public happy and in positive vibes.. if I am in love or drunk.. i tell them yes in love with life and nature... But romantic love does not exist to me..and I couldn't be happier about it.

You see as a young person I thought not having romantic love limited me from doing what I wanted in life... but it was only a limiting belief... must like I used to think.. being a slave to the church.. was serving God...

sorry... to some people this will sound arrogant.. or evil...
but I only serve MYSELF... and I am Self Empowerd... i don't serve the desires of agenda.. of any woman..
church or organization.... thank you! :)

I AM FREE.. and happy.. and no stars and the universe ... is the limit to what I can do in life..
and accomplish... oh yesss !

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#2    Nighthawk9653

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 06:58 AM

Awesome :) I know how you feel there. Working on the mind and soul is truly an amazing experience.

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#3    Frank Merton

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 09:10 AM

Romantic love is also known as oxytocin.


#4    onereaderone

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 10:15 AM

the simple truth about  soul mated pares  is  this ,  they  can  not  find  you if  you look  like every  one else .
if  you  are true  to  your greater  soul  greatness , you will  be  unique  and  not among the  standards of  civil life.

the  great  problem  with  that  is...   women  as  a generalization  care  a great  deal  about being  "normal"
being liked  counts to  a women   far  more  than  men can grasp  or  can even  understand .
for  women  ...  numbers  count , they would  rather  be  liked  in a shallow  and superficial way  by  100,oo  people..
than  have  a crew identity  with  your  team mates for  30  years...   where  your  out casts  and  shunned..   but  in  that  crew ,  your  understood  and fit  in.

the  real  key  to  a soul  pared  mate  is  not  the  man...  but  the  women  who  can  first  see  the  greatness of  her  mate...
and then  not  frighten  him  away  by  being  too  excited  at finding  him .

one  of  lifes  greatest  illusions  is  that  men  want  a aggressive  women  putting  the  moves  on  them.
this  could  not  be  farther  from the  truth .   frankly speaking, men  are  far  more  romantic  than women , and  far  easier  to  scare when a women  makes  it  clear  she  wants  his  intrest .  

this  is  not  true  with  soul mate  pares.
soul mates  have  three  great problems  to over come...   the  first  is  to find  their   other  half .
frankly speaking...   this  is  the one  single greatest  factor  that  limits  the  number  of  soul mated pares .
and  why  they  are  so  rare.
very  often  ,  the  women  will feel  time  acutely , and  give  up before  she  even  looks,  and settle on  some  one  who  "will  do" .
very  often  the  man  will  listen  to  others  about  his  greatness being  to hard , to  strange , or far to  uncommon ...  and he  will  find the  first  trade  craft  he  can   ...  and  try  to fit  in... in effect  making  it  imposable  for  the  women  to recognise  him as  her  soul mate .

less  common  among soul  mates  is  scaring  each  other  because  "you  come  on to strongly "  ...  if  (s)he  is  your  soul mate ,  no matter  what  you do , (s)he  will  see  you ...  (s)he  has  soul mate  maddness ,  and its  like  soul radar ...  if  your  with  in  100  miles  ,  (s)he  will  find  a way  to get  in  your  way .
just  because  you screw it up...  stop struggling..  back  up  and  let  things  calm down....  if  (s)he  is  really  your soul mate, your  both  going  to  run  back togather again .

warning:  if  your  just  really stupid  over  the  girl ,  and  she  thinks  your  a toad... get  over  it ...  move  on  and  for  god  sake  get  some  distance  between  you  and  the  girl .  a  soul mated  pare  is  not  something  you  are  not sure about .  both  of  you will  be sure ,  if  she  thinks  your  a  toad  and  a crazy person...   its  likly  you need  to get  over  this...   and  you  need  to move  on .

if  she  is  a soul mated  pare ,  other  girls  near her  will  very  much  want  to get  in  her  way .
guys  are  not  so  much  like  this ,  but  if  your  the guy  ,  your  girl  may  seem a bit  dangerious,  even  violent tword
other  girls  that  you have  no  intrest  in  ...  but  these  other  girls  may  even  be making  sleezy  low pass at  you.
why  this  is  true  is  a mystery...   but  it  is  not simply common place ,  but  it  is  more  rare when  it  does  not happen .
....try  to  be  understanding....
all  soul  mated  pares are unique , nothing  is  given .
but  they  are  all  pretty  much  the  same ... they  make  the  other  person  whole .

nearly  every  one  who  has  a successful marrage  thinks  that  they  have  a soul mated pare.
this  is  actualy  not  the  case.

soul  mates  are  like  two  animals  caught  in  to small  a cage , they feel  lost   when  they  sleep and  are  not  touching  the  other .  they  get  angry  and  will  fight  in a fur ball  where  you see  only  a fuzzy  blur...  then  calm  like  nothing happened.
your  never  invited  into their  inner world...  even if  your  their children .   one half  completes  the  other  half ,  not like two puzzel  peices that  look  the  same  and fit  toghaer...

   more  like  paper  and  pen w/ ink ....   a  gun  and bullets  ,   key  and  a lock ,  intel  and  microsoft .

if  you want  to  be happy  , successful  and complete...  be your self  and  your  soul mate  will  appear.
if  you want  to  be  calm  , rich  and  in control  of  your  life ...   avoid  your soul mate.


#5    onereaderone

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 10:27 AM

i do  need  to add...   i  am seeking to find her.
and  i  to have given  up  .

i  will  make  a few thosands  of  dollors ,  get  stupid...  , bleed   and nearly  die...   and  then  give  up  again.
unless  your  a person  who  needs  your  soul  pare...  you  do  not  understand...

for  the  genius ,  the  artist  ,  and  the  madman...   it  makes  complete sense


#6    aimlesswalk

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 11:07 AM

I too no longer believe in 'romantic love' and like yourse

View PostLostSouls7, on 25 October 2013 - 06:20 AM, said:

When I was young and even in my early 20s I was very depressed. After reading a lot about the mind and just understanding my own soul it was because I longed for romantic love or to find a pure true soul mate love.
I used to stay up very late reading online about soul mates trying to find answers and get drunk.

Well after some years I simply lost faith in love well romantic love for certain.
The reason for this is I don't really see much real romantic love in the world.

As I have remained pure and STD free. I look at myself as superior to people who sleep around and have STD unwanted children or pay child support. Once I just lost faith in romantic love and focused on myself things changed in my life. Before I made no money and was not productive. Now I am not only productive but make money that I want and am chasing my dreams.

Scarface once said with the right woman I can go straight to the top. The thing is you can go to the top without the right woman. Yet I feel good and iN "love" with life , the universe, my own magical energy, with art, with nature. That is what is true and real to me. People often ask me when they see me out in public happy and in positive vibes.. if I am in love or drunk.. i tell them yes in love with life and nature... But romantic love does not exist to me..and I couldn't be happier about it.

You see as a young person I thought not having romantic love limited me from doing what I wanted in life... but it was only a limiting belief... must like I used to think.. being a slave to the church.. was serving God...

sorry... to some people this will sound arrogant.. or evil...
but I only serve MYSELF... and I am Self Empowerd... i don't serve the desires of agenda.. of any woman..
church or organization.... thank you! :)

I AM FREE.. and happy.. and no stars and the universe ... is the limit to what I can do in life..
and accomplish... oh yesss !

I too no longer believe in 'romantic love' and like yourself I use to naively believe that it was possible but after observing what I have seen around me throughout my entire life any notion such as 'romantic love' is false and should be completely discarded as the lie it is. I think it's about time people acknowledge that attraction between males and females is based on chemical reactions and hormones which during the exhilaration of youth is mainly lust and later on relationships are formed on the basis of convenience and mutual self interest and 'romantic love' in it's true sense doesn't exist and probably never did. Of course sentimentalists will always insist true love exists but all I see is relationships based on primitive attraction foremost and then social and economic compatibility.

If true love did exist then the homeless man with nothing would have a partner and not the good looking affluent yuppie. It's time we all got realistic about 'romantic love'.

Edited by aimlesswalk, 25 October 2013 - 11:23 AM.


#7    Lilly

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 11:49 AM

Well, as much as I risk being seen as 'jaded', I have to agree that there's no such thing as romantic love per say. Now, there are most certainly people who do love one another, but this type of love derives from more than simply lust or mutual convenience. Perhaps these people started out being physically attracted and/or economically compatible and then over time love for one another developed? I'm rather unsure about how the love that endures comes into being. Perhaps it's just luck that some find enduring love, but I'm pretty sure that the vast majority of us do not.

"Ignorance is ignorance. It is a state of mind, not an opinion." ~MID~

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#8    aimlesswalk

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 12:00 PM

View PostLilly, on 25 October 2013 - 11:49 AM, said:

Well, as much as I risk being seen as 'jaded', I have to agree that there's no such thing as romantic love per say. Now, there are most certainly people who do love one another, but this type of love derives from more than simply lust or mutual convenience. Perhaps these people started out being physically attracted and/or economically compatible and then over time love for one another developed? I'm rather unsure about how the love that endures comes into being. Perhaps it's just luck that some find enduring love, but I'm pretty sure that the vast majority of us do not.

I wouldn't say it's being 'jaded' at all just truthful and I often find it interesting that the people who say romantic love exists are probably in relationships themselves so caught up in the exhilaration of thinking they are in 'love' so have the luxury to take an idealistic view about this matter without seeing it in a clear light. I do think people in relationships care about one another (as often it is in their self interest and also expected of them) but after the initial excitement of lust has subsided most relationships are probably based on mutual convenience and even self preservation.

Also the fact that social and economic compatibility determines the vast majority of relationships in my view invalidates any starry eyed notion of 'romantic love'.

Edited by aimlesswalk, 25 October 2013 - 12:40 PM.


#9    Talion

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 12:31 PM

All I can think of is this:
"Did you ever go back and find him the man with the lion tattoo? [No.] Unreal, do you know how selfish that is? Because you didn't just ruin your life, you ruined his." Once upon A Time-

"The ANUNNAKI created (at least) two distinct hybrid humans: one, the fully-functioning demi-god (as described in the Old Testament): the other, a ‘dumbed-down’, more manageable ‘drone’ version (but still, crucially, with godlike abilities latent within it’s DNA). The story goes that the descendants of both versions populate the Earth today with, inevitably, one version ruling the other…"

#10    Frank Merton

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 12:43 PM

I'm not sure what romantic love is supposed to be -- I think the notion comes down to the West from tales of knights and damsels in distress, but no woman I know would ever be a damsel, at least not without a good fight.  Of course that requires there be no dragons involved.

Everyone seems to agree romance and sex are different things, but still the good romances seem to end with babies.


#11    Timonthy

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 01:34 PM

Romantic love definitely exists. It's a shame that you have written it off.
But also it is good that you have become self sufficient.

You should stay open to the possibility though...

View PostFrank Merton, on 25 October 2013 - 12:43 PM, said:

Everyone seems to agree romance and sex are different things, but still the good romances seem to end with babies.
Yes romance and sex are different by definition.
But you can have highly erotic romantic sex too. Most people need different kinds of sex at different times, sometimes to use their lovers for the purpose of a quick orgasm, other times for slow and teasing foreplay, other times for deep slow and passionate sex etc. Either way, both sexes can want all of this and more at different times.

Like with most things, there is no rule of thumb.
But it is sad when someone writes something off like romantic love because of past experience.

And babies often result from people who are ready to have a child and stop using contraception, or people who are careless and don't use it. You can still have amazing romance with contraception...

Edit: Autocorrect typos.

Edited by Timonthy, 25 October 2013 - 01:47 PM.

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#12    simplybill

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 03:23 PM

Edited because:
Re-read my post. Decided it wasn't relevant.

Edited by simplybill, 25 October 2013 - 04:11 PM.

Every warrior is happy when his enemies flee before him, but much more blessed is the man to whom his fiercest enemies can come with confidence, knowing beforehand they will be received with love.
Richard Wurmbrand in Reaching Toward the Heights.

#13    Frank Merton

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 03:27 PM

My point is that really good romances end in marriages and assuming different sexes this means babies.  (In fact even with same sex marriages there is usually a desire to adopt or something).


#14    White Crane Feather

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 05:31 PM

Love is a choice. It is not a feeling. You choose to love  someone. It's not some magic fluffy feeling. That is our good ole hormones and bonding nuro transmitters.

When two people choose to love each other they can live empowered lives. But the OP is right. One must choose to live and be empowered within themselves first and formost before they can choose to love another otherwise they are seeking from the other which is not love.

After loveing Somone for a while they become part of you. It's not about pleasing each other it's about a unified existence with another. A greater and more effective whole to raise children and stand against the storms of the world.

"I wish neither to possess, Nor to be possessed. I no longer covet paradise, more important, I no longer fear hell. The medicine for my suffering I had within me from the very beginning, but I did not take it. My ailment came from within myself, But I did not observe it until this moment. Now I see that I will never find the light.  Unless, like the candle, I am my own fuel, Consuming myself. "
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#15    Sherapy

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Posted 25 October 2013 - 06:50 PM

View PostLilly, on 25 October 2013 - 11:49 AM, said:

Well, as much as I risk being seen as 'jaded', I have to agree that there's no such thing as romantic love per say. Now, there are most certainly people who do love one another, but this type of love derives from more than simply lust or mutual convenience. Perhaps these people started out being physically attracted and/or economically compatible and then over time love for one another developed? I'm rather unsure about how the love that endures comes into being. Perhaps it's just luck that some find enduring love, but I'm pretty sure that the vast majority of us do not.

Lily, I think what is omitted from the 'fairy tale' is that  love has to be nurtured and it is in that it grows/blossoms, uniquely to the couple involved. What is romantic to one may not be to another. My idea of romance is not getting flowers or throwing gifts at me, I think it is a waste of good money; I find it is romantic to help me with the laundry without me having to ask; I find it romantic to spend time with me, laugh at my stupid jokes as if they are hysterical.  In my relationship we have taken the time to get to know each other and base our reactions/wants on who we each are as opposed to some idealized generic version of romance. My husband thinks it is romantic to have a hot meal every day, to match his socks up. We both happen to be  similar in some great aspects ( I think that was luck)we are both sexually open minded, we both are active types who can't sit around. And,the ways we are different have helped us each grown in areas we are not so strong. I am very social, hubby is not-- over time I have learned to temper my friendly self and vice versa. I was not as structured as hubby who is very structured and I have learned to be organized because of his example.etc. etc.  I love, love, love my husband more today then I did when I met (even with all the hormones racing. LOL ) I admire him and respect him profoundly. It is not magic either it is 110 percent  effort and the investment in nurturing our union that makes this work for us. We both are committed to what makes the other happy,( it really matters) and are willing to work for that no matter what it takes, even if it means getting out of our own way/changing our view on things. I will say I am one of those that has an amazing marriage after 18 years, but it takes work not unlike having amazing kids they are this way because of the effort and time invested. I do say there can be fairy tales but not without effort and commitment.





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