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Promiscuous People: Distant and Disconnected?


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#1    ambelamba

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Posted 25 November 2013 - 07:37 AM

I guess it's a very sensitive issue. And the title sounds rather paradoxical.

But science articles and my own observation make me believe that those kind of people are actually emotionally-detached. And I am the polar opposite.

Although I am a loner, I always yearn for emotional connections and friendship with others. But I am afraid of doing so because my quirk will scare them away. I might behave insensitively, but deep inside I am very concerned about how others see me. And I am very sensitive to how others feel.

Knowing that, it was difficult to get into casual dating scene. And I really couldn't be a playa because I didn't want be a heartbreaker, if I ever can be one.

But I observed that promiscuous people have polar -opposite outlook. They care less about other people's feelings and are often emotionally detached from other people. Surprisingly, quite a few loose people have very few friend out of their own decisions.

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#2    Lilly

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Posted 25 November 2013 - 11:58 AM

Yeah, I'd say that people who treat others as little more than disposable pleasures have a problem. The reason for the behaviour may vary, but the end result will certainly be the lack of mature/emotional/close relationships. I see this sort of thing all the time though, even among old people like myself. Apparently, this is a social trend...IMO it's not a good thing for individuals or the society.

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#3    lightly

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Posted 25 November 2013 - 12:42 PM

A bit   distant and disconnected?   hmmmm   that's actually a good description of  a  "promiscuous"  girl  I knew very well in high school.   It just seemed like a compulsion with her.  I don't think she was heartless... but her "needs"  outweighed any other considerations.  

  I don't know what today's "promiscuity "   might be all about . . .  I'd guess ego struggles.

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#4    Skep B

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Posted 26 November 2013 - 02:21 AM

sex is a way of feeling something, most people go about their days desensitized to whats around them, so an excuse to feel some kind of emotion that allows it to happen (relatively) quickly is going to be jumped at.  But, intimacy scares these same people, so they jump from person to person in an attempt to feel something without putting in any real work for it.

....sorry Theory*

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#5    Imaginarynumber1

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Posted 26 November 2013 - 02:35 AM

View PostLilly, on 25 November 2013 - 11:58 AM, said:

Yeah, I'd say that people who treat others as little more than disposable pleasures have a problem. The reason for the behaviour may vary, but the end result will certainly be the lack of mature/emotional/close relationships. I see this sort of thing all the time though, even among old people like myself. Apparently, this is a social trend...IMO it's not a good thing for individuals or the society.

I don't necessarily agree with that. If someone has a psychological disorder, such as sex addiction, sure. And there are underlying issues that come with that. But, I for, example, very much enjoy sex. Before I was in the relationship that I am now, I had lots of partners. I have very close friends and do not lack mature/emotional/close relationships with people to this day.

Again, I'm sure your explanation is true for some, but certainly not for all. Sex is a wonderful consequence of our evolution.

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#6    George Ford

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Posted 26 November 2013 - 02:47 AM

When I was younger I went though a (about 7 years) long phase of promiscuity. I would go out drinking and clubbing and often 'get lucky'. I honestly didn't think I did anything wrong and I certainly had fun. I would have some sort of connection with the lasses I was with and they loved the sex as much as I did, it was just a mutual release of frustration. I'd also loved cooking breakfast the next day and sitting watching TV whilst eating and chatting before getting intimate maybe later on, or going back out and socializing again. I totally cared about every single one of them and wanted to make sure they were happy and felt safe and were having fun. I dunno if thats too much information so if any Mods read please feel free to delete it.

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#7    Purplos

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Posted 26 November 2013 - 04:09 AM

I don't think you can pigeonhole people that share one trait as all the same.  I'm sure there are insensitive and disconnected people who sleep around and people who are too emotional and looking for a deep connection through sex and those who are open and honest and just go into these short relationships for fun and make sure the other person knows it too.

Why generalize? It just creates unnecessary stigmas.

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#8    psyche101

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Posted 26 November 2013 - 04:35 AM

I was talking about this last night with my wife.
I'm pretty sure she said something like 'Psyche you don't listen enough'
I said 'yeah maybe you're right
I can't help it, my mind drifts off
And I'm not really here anymore but I'll try'
She said 'while we're here on the subject
I wanna know why you haven't grown up yet'
I said 'don't be upset
But I really didn't hear a fricken word that you just said'.
They say I'm disconnected, that's alright, my friends are too though.

Edited by psyche101, 26 November 2013 - 04:37 AM.

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#9    ambelamba

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Posted 26 November 2013 - 04:37 AM

View PostPurplos, on 26 November 2013 - 04:09 AM, said:

I don't think you can pigeonhole people that share one trait as all the same.  I'm sure there are insensitive and disconnected people who sleep around and people who are too emotional and looking for a deep connection through sex and those who are open and honest and just go into these short relationships for fun and make sure the other person knows it too.

Why generalize? It just creates unnecessary stigmas.

Actually it was a research result from somewhere. And my encounters with various people confirmed that.

They came with a Bible and their religion. stole our land, crushed our spirit, and now they tell us we should be thankful to the Lord for being saved.

-Chief Pontiac (1718-1769)

#10    Lilly

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Posted 26 November 2013 - 01:30 PM

Ok, for those who advocate a promiscuous lifestyle: How (exactly) does one have a "mature/emotional/close relationship" while sleeping with any and all who are available/physically attractive? A multitude of one night stands, or even short term trysts isn't going to achieve the type of intimacy/emotional connection I'm talking about. This is indeed a "Brave New World that has such people in it" but a "Brave New World" is exactly what one is going to get with such a lifestyle. Oh, it might be *fun* when one is young (provided one uses protection) but in the final analysis what does it really achieve?

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#11    AtlantisRises

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Posted 26 November 2013 - 07:20 PM

Assuming the consenting adults and the use of protection then I don't see the big deal. Sex is good exercise, it is of great recreational value. Granted there are benefits to the long term commited relationship as well but different horses different courses. Monogomy is not for everyone. Plenty of people have no interest in a  mature/emotional/close relationship. And why does anyone need to achieve anything. I can understand how someone would consider that such a minor and irrelevant side of their life that only takes away from the rest of their lives. Sex is a biological necessity at times and what's more it's a good bit of fun,  but it doesn't need to be anything more then that. Get it out of the way and concentrate on important things.

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#12    Dark_Grey

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Posted 26 November 2013 - 07:29 PM

View PostAtlantisRises, on 26 November 2013 - 07:20 PM, said:

Plenty of people have no interest in a  mature/emotional/close relationship.

Until they mature beyond their peak years and fall into a mild depression because "there's nothing meaningful in my life".

View PostAtlantisRises, on 26 November 2013 - 07:20 PM, said:

Sex is a biological necessity at times and what's more it's a good bit of fun,  but it doesn't need to be anything more then that. Get it out of the way and concentrate on important things.

You underestimate the power of sexuality. It's the core of who we are as primates. Your career, your ego, your lifestyle...almost everything you do, can be tied to sex on a fundemental level. It's a very deep, deep seeded constant in your brain as that is our (physical) purpose.

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#13    psyche101

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Posted 27 November 2013 - 08:13 AM

View PostLilly, on 26 November 2013 - 01:30 PM, said:

Ok, for those who advocate a promiscuous lifestyle: How (exactly) does one have a "mature/emotional/close relationship" while sleeping with any and all who are available/physically attractive? A multitude of one night stands, or even short term trysts isn't going to achieve the type of intimacy/emotional connection I'm talking about. This is indeed a "Brave New World that has such people in it" but a "Brave New World" is exactly what one is going to get with such a lifestyle. Oh, it might be *fun* when one is young (provided one uses protection) but in the final analysis what does it really achieve?

I used to work with a lady who firmly believed humans are not meant to be monogamous. She was not promiscuous, and deployed her own standards, but after two kids to her husband, she moved on, and maintained a friendship with him, she met someones else, got married, divorced, maintained another friendship, met someone else, and decided the marriage thing was unnecessary, and I do not know from there on but she completely believed that one should change partners about every 5-8 years and told me those words herself.

She was a very happy and confident woman who was completely in control of herself. Lovely lady, I became good friends with her (not that good), but have not seen her since she moved to another company.

My little sister has a similar lifestyle, going through a "Cougar" phase at the moment. She is on her 6th "serious" relationship.

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#14    psyche101

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Posted 27 November 2013 - 08:16 AM

View PostDark_Grey, on 26 November 2013 - 07:29 PM, said:

Until they mature beyond their peak years and fall into a mild depression because "there's nothing meaningful in my life".

Kids fill that hole. Big time. Having children is the most meaningful thing I did with my existance. Funny thing, is I never was fussed on being a Dad. When it happened, life started all over again. It was a pleasant surprise.

View PostDark_Grey, on 26 November 2013 - 07:29 PM, said:

You underestimate the power of sexuality. It's the core of who we are as primates. Your career, your ego, your lifestyle...almost everything you do, can be tied to sex on a fundemental level. It's a very deep, deep seeded constant in your brain as that is our (physical) purpose.

Sometimes a root is just a root too.

Things are what they are. - Me Reality can't be debunked. That's the beauty of it. - Capeo If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. - Sir Isaac Newton Let me repeat the lesson learned from the Sturrock scientific review panel: Pack up your old data and forget it. Ufology needs new data, new cases, new rigorous and scientific methodologies if it hopes ever to get out of its pit. - Ed Stewart Youtube is the last refuge of the ignorant and is more often used for disinformation than genuine research.  There is a REASON for PEER REVIEW... - Chrlzs Nothing is inexplicable, just unexplained. - Dr Who

#15    Neognosis

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Posted 28 November 2013 - 12:01 AM

Quote

she completely believed that one should change partners about every 5-8 years and told me those words herself.

i don't believe that one "SHOULD" change partners every 5-8 years, but our biology does seem geared toward that, doesn't it?

I believe that we are serial monogamists. The average duration of most marriages would seem to indictate that. The fact that there's a name for the "Seven Year itch" would seem to support that too. As well as that a human child can run and feed itself and has achieved a certain level of independence around age 5 would seem to support this as well.

As for promiscuity... how are we defining that? Sex with lots of random people, without any other kind of relationship with those parters?

What about a young man who has a lot of close female friends, and he sleeps or has slept with nearly all of them, while maintaining their friendship? Is that being promiscuous?

Why the need to ****-shame and diagnose promiscuous people with some kind of mental illness?

Is it possible that sex can enrich and enhance a friendship?

As for a study that shows that promiscuous people are disconnected, can we see a link?
If you can't provide a link, then I put forth a study that I heard about that indicated that men who have many female friends and they have sex with them are generally of above average intelligence, sensitivity, and are generally emotionally and intellectually superior.

Edited by Neognosis, 28 November 2013 - 12:01 AM.





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