Fantasy weddings threaten marriages

[Still Waters]

The growing pressure on couples to have a "perfect" wedding has become one of the biggest threats to marriage itself, the former Archbishop of Canterbury, Lord Williams, has warned.

He told an audience which included a clutch of divorce lawyers that young people are now faced with an "immense" offensive by advertisers and others driven by profit to have a showy and expensive day - often to the detriment of their relationship itself.

http://www.telegraph...n-Williams.html

[White Crane Feather]

Yeah tell that to the ladies.

[Space Commander Travis]

Well, that's understandable, I suppose. I expect a lot of people enjoy it so much that they can't wait to do it again.

[Frank Merton]

I hate big weddings, especially as they are done nowadays by the wealthy and those who have their neighbors think they are wealthy. It's a mix of Taoist and Western stuff; the brides now wear white except they tour the city going to temples and so on, getting their picture taken all over. The banquet is ridiculous, and the bridal party has to go to every table and have toasts -- so they get stewed. There are dozens of large halls in Ho Chi Minh City that do a steady business of this stuff and make it seem the bride is being cheated if they don't use their hall.

This is a socialist country where this sort of thing is not supposed to happen, but private interests have been allowed free reign in this area and see what happens.

[rashore]

Crazy perfect wedding stuff makes me want to run screaming away and go hide. Wedding obsession makes me cringe. I have a couple girlfriends that are all wedding nutty, and I just can't deal with it for long. I was never one for dreaming about weddings though, so perhaps has something to do with my aversion to people that really go overboard with it.

[Michelle]

I've never understood the reasoning behind spending tens of thousands of dollars on one day. It goes against every practicable bone in my body.

[Neognosis]

I thought gays were the biggest threat to marriage?

[Almagest]

Good to hear that a 60 year old virgin is handing down relationship advice.

[Frank Merton]

I thought gays were the biggest threat to marriage?

I think gays getting married introduces a note of honesty and reality to the institution.

[Stubbly_Dooright]

Yeah tell that to the ladies.

Well, I always thought, as a little girl, that I should be excited for that '''big day', and that I should fantasize walking down the aisle wearing the most beautiful and expensive wedding dress and I would love getting all that attention, with all the eyes on me.

To be honest, must be the introvert in me, but I ended up with a small wedding in my inlaws house at the time, and I couldn't wait for it to be over, because the attention on me, was........uncomfortable. Maybe a lot of the ladies would like that and they did, I didn't. I agree, it doesn't make sense to me. Plus all the money, and quite a few big weddings I have been too, the marriage itself ended up caput.

[HollyDolly]

My parents didn't have a big wedding.They got married by a justice of the peace in 1955.Then when the Airforce sent my dad to Kelly AFB in the 1950s they had a church wedding at the National Shrine of the Little Flower in San Antonio because momma wanted to be married in the Church. It was just them a couple of witnesses and the priest.I think the church is now a bascilica and is named for St.Therese of Liseux who was a french Carmelite nun who died very young and wrote a book or two.

None of the family had big weddings and they certainly weren't thousands of dolllars either. My parents marriage lasted till 1982 when momma died of a stroke and my dad never remarried. Guess a lot of these women think because they have this expensive wedding that the marriage is like a fairy tale but it's not. Glad I'm an old maid with cats. If somehow I ever did marry it will be just a couple of witnesses and dinner afterword at some nice restaurant or hotel and that's it.

[RedSquirrel]

I can totally see how a 'fantasy' wedding could cause problems in a marriage.

A wedding is very climactic, the clothing, all focus on the couple (bride mostly), the expectation of a Disney "Happily ever after"... then the reality sticks ya.

There are still arguments, a ceremony removes zero problems that you have. You feel the need for the rush of the wedding, but there is nothing 'bigger' than that (in the public eye).

All signs point to illusion, fooling yourself for a day. Today, I am a king, receiving my wife, the Queen.

(Citation: I dun got hitched a bit over two years ago, loved that I was promising myself to someone, hated the overdone show... but it was for her)

[Odin11]

Good to hear that a 60 year old virgin is handing down relationship advice.

He's Anglican. He is married and has kids.

[rashore]

He's Anglican. He is married and has kids.

I laughed so hard when I read this, I scared the cats out of the room. Excellent catch Odin

[Erowin]

Well, look at all these bridal shows- as a child, I know I thought that unless you had a big reception hall and a huge group of people watching you get married in some fancy cathedral it wasn't a real wedding. The best thing about a wedding to me would be the dress. I love dresses so much, but you don't get many chances to wear them. I got the poofiest, most princess looking one when I went to senior prom! I wouldn't spend thousands of dollars on it though, its a one time only thing (hopefully!) but I'd still want something flashy. Having everyone watch you seems a little nerve wracking though... and I doubt I'd even know enough people to fill half a church!

[Leonardo]

Who is this Williams fellow to tell people what marriage should mean to them?

That's down to the people getting married, not some bloke who used to dress in a funny robe and hat.

Edited January 17, 2014 by Leonardo

[Frank Merton]

Well, if I had my way -- understand this is the curmudgeon in me speaking -- marriage would consist of nothing more than going to some courthouse or police stations or whatever and signing some papers in front of a notary.

That's pretty much all it is in Vietnam -- the rest is all optional, and Vietnamese always have a party no matter what.