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"Needing" other people.

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#1    SereneScene



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Posted 03 February 2014 - 10:39 PM

Ok so I hear all this stuff about being happy with yourself and what not, just be yourself etc etc.

Why do people get depressed often? Because of being lonely, no freinds, no significant other.

Why do people try to emulate others or act a certain way that they are not? To be around others, to make people like them.

My point is this, yea you have to be happy and like yourself but for many people being happy is being with other people.

"You can live like a king but what is the point if you have no one to share it with?"

I have always been an introverted person, quiet, in my mind, to myself, as an adult it has taken me a while but now I realize that all I want is to have freinds, people to laugh with, share with, be happy with, cry with, grow old and look back on stories together, real true freinds.

Its hard though, its hard to make freinds for some people, and I think that is what makes people depressed, they just want to be liked, appreciated, loved.

Do you believe we "need" each other? What happens to a persons soul and mind when they go their whole life without (true) friends?

#2    spartan max2

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Posted 03 February 2014 - 10:44 PM

We are social creatures if people want to believe it or not. Alone time is good of course but we do need each other I believe, we are designed that way

" I imagine that the intellegent people are the ones so intellegent that they dont even need or want to look "intellegent" anymore".
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#3    acute


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Posted 03 February 2014 - 11:33 PM

I could have written the first post myself!

Yes, we are social creatures, but friends are hard work!

I have a desire for close friendships, yet I keep potential friends at arms length because I am frightened of being hurt somehow, and I am too cynical and/or too lazy to put the required effort into maintaining the relationship.

As I get older I have become less shy and introverted, but I think my expectations are still too high. Surely it is better to have a few 'fairweather' friends than have no friends at all.


Edited by acute, 03 February 2014 - 11:34 PM.

#4    quiXilver


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Posted 03 February 2014 - 11:46 PM

Quality over quantity.
Balance in all things.

Unknowingly, we plow the dust of stars, blown about us by the wind and drink the universe in a glass of rain. ~ Ihab Hassan
You never change things by fighting the existing reality.  To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete. ~R. Buckminster Fuller
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#5    Skep B

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Posted 04 February 2014 - 12:18 AM

lets not also forget that everyone has different levels of comfort, I'm massively introverted, but very rarely i can enjoy being around other people.

...very, very rarely

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#6    Sean93


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Posted 04 February 2014 - 03:23 AM

I can totally be around other people so long as it doesn't become an obligation, you know?

I have very few friends and might do well to act more 'friendlier' to them, so to speak, but at the same time I do love the solitude. The only problem with the silence of solitude is that you do end up wanting some noise when those really dark thoughts start creeping in. That's when let company in the most. Incidentally, I've come to like bars/pubs only for the noise; you get no time to think in such an environment.

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#7    SereneScene



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Posted 04 February 2014 - 03:59 AM

I just dont want to be alone later in life, Going back to that "live like a king quote", the thing that reminded me of that was a friend of my brothers.

Him along with a group of others they all grew up with (now in their 40's), they were sitting in his new house, they all praised him saying how great and nice his house was, he said "it is nice and all but the way I see it is; its ours, all of this is ours, whats the point if I cant share and enjoy with my family".

That made me feel nice inside but sad at the same time because I myself dont have friends like this, these guys are like brothers, they are there for each other always and have gone through it all, it makes me feel sad that I am 24 and dont have friends like this.

Maybe in time but its eating me up inside now, I want freinds like this, I want a family in the future, kids, sometimes it feels like I wont get this, I dunno, maybe I just get emotional about stuff.

#8    keninsc



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Posted 04 February 2014 - 05:19 AM

Being with others is really part of us as a species. Alone time is great and we do need it but we also need human interaction, companionship, friendship, fellowship. What's the old quote? ".....no man is an island...."

#9    Drayno


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Posted 04 February 2014 - 07:59 AM

Being alone for long periods of time will drive any person mad.

For how could any human, being aware of the pointlessness of existence, not be driven mad?

"Let us sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the death of kings."
- William Shakespeare, Richard II, Act III, Scene II
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#10    rodentraiser



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Posted 04 February 2014 - 06:41 PM

Drayno, what do you consider to be a long period of time? Just curious, because I have spent 4 to 5 days in my room not having contact with anyone. The most I can say is it's boring because I get tired of books and crossword puzzles, but now Ihave my computer finally connected again and I have the whole world to talk to. Maybe that's my way of having contact - connected but not connected. Whatever, it works for me.

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#11    Orcseeker



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Posted 04 February 2014 - 10:06 PM

Yeh I see what you mean. I enjoy my alone time more than the average person. It does annoy me if I spend the whole day with people too much. Like I just need that alone time in there somewhere.

I consider myself lucky I have a huge variety of friends I can hang out with and have a rich history going back to high school and even primary school (elementary school for those in the US).

Although I have been feeling lonely on another front. The one person I am intimate with is living on the other side of the world. I saw her early this year but you never really get that proper time as you want. If you're like me and find it hard to even like someone more than a friend, this was the only girl I've ever seen and really felt compelled to do something about it.

I think anyone can find someone and friends. I'm not sure if you're like me and have a small scope of people you can really get along with but you'll get there. Memories create bonds with people. If you hang out with a bunch of people you can enjoy hanging out with, create some fond memories, that's all you need to get the ball rolling.

A problem I still have is the fact that I rarely plan things with my friends. Other friends of mine tend to be the ones doing the planning.

Good idea for a thread as well, I think a lot of us can find common ground here.

#12    Purplos


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Posted 04 February 2014 - 10:12 PM

I haven't had an offline friend since 1992 when I left high school. I socialize online to some extent, and that seems sufficient for me. I also talk to my immediate family semi-regularly. I'm 39 and divorced for quite a while now with no intentions of ever dating or getting married again. I don't feel any great hunger for close friends or even people to go out and do stuff with.

I would have absolutely no clue how to get any if I did want to anyway.

Embrace the impossible.

#13    White Crane Feather

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Posted 04 February 2014 - 11:37 PM

It's true we need people. Rrrrrrrr I hate admit it.

"I wish neither to possess, Nor to be possessed. I no longer covet paradise, more important, I no longer fear hell. The medicine for my suffering I had within me from the very beginning, but I did not take it. My ailment came from within myself, But I did not observe it until this moment. Now I see that I will never find the light.  Unless, like the candle, I am my own fuel, Consuming myself. "
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#14    XenoFish


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Posted 05 February 2014 - 12:45 AM

If I could be a hermit I would. I'm not fond of people. Not that I hate them. I'd rather be alone, to myself. If my wife passes before me I will, though I'll talk to my kids often.Yet live a very quiet life. A social life isn't for everyone.

Edited by XenoFish, 05 February 2014 - 12:46 AM.

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#15    little_dreamer


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Posted 05 February 2014 - 01:06 AM

View PostPurplos, on 04 February 2014 - 10:12 PM, said:

I haven't had an offline friend since 1992 when I left high school. I socialize online to some extent, and that seems sufficient for me. I also talk to my immediate family semi-regularly. I'm 39 and divorced for quite a while now with no intentions of ever dating or getting married again. I don't feel any great hunger for close friends or even people to go out and do stuff with.

I would have absolutely no clue how to get any if I did want to anyway.

There is probably nothing wrong with you. There are just different degrees of introversion vs. extroversion.

My own problem is that I get tired and worn out easily.  I need time alone with peace and quiet to recuperate, with lots of sleep.

The bad thing about friendship is that it comes and goes. I have been leaning on myself more than friends lately.

I am another anonymous face in the crowd. I am just another tiny wheel in the machinery of the world I live in.

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