Holy Week for Christians is unique to each. For some it is a week wherein they renew their faith and try to understand the mystery of Christ on a deeper level. For others, Holy Week is a time of distress; as if a heavy weight has been placed over their shoulders and all they can do is get through the week. I fall into the second category and I think it is due to the fact that I know, I will never understand this mystery of Christ death. Perhaps it shows how goodness is often met in this world. There is a type of defenselessness in goodness, and the deeper the goodness goes the easier for it to be hunted down and destroyed. There is a freedom that comes with having a loving heart and that freedom allows love to flourish. A loving heart is not free to hurt, kill, slander or abuse, or if it does, then it is lessened by that.
A wounded and bitter heart also has a certain freedom, possibly the opposite of the loving heart….I think most of us fall somewhere in the middle. It is the inner conflict that can cause so much pain, since there is no place for rest. Those who give in to hate are free in a way, though I believe it is one that leads to a dark inner cell. There is a type of integration that is experienced when someone gives themselves over to their fears, desires, hatreds and rages.
It may be harder to grow towards a loving heart, for I believe it is a conscious and not an instinctive decision. I believe that we are called to love and that struggle, at least for me has been going on all my life. I don’t want to be defenseless, so I continue to be in conflict, when it comes to my allowing grace to work deeper in my fearful, wounded and often angry heart.
Before his entrance into Jerusalem on that Palm Sunday,
Jesus told how deep his distress was to his followers,
for he knew that goodness often feeds the rage of those wounded,
his loving heart made him defenseless against such tumult.
So he entered, we cheered him, waving palms,
he smiled perhaps sadly and with compassion,
for he knows what is in the hearts of men;
the pain, anger, the desires that can drive us crazy
and the rage against God and existence itself,
so filled with pain and injustice.
How easy it is to turn, to embrace the freedom of rage;
to destroy what is good, most human, and to exalt in violence and injustice,
to be caught up in the mob that flows like a river with ease,
until it flows over that which is sought and hated, at least in the moment,
for often after the horror over and done with,
we wake up as if in a dream, appalled at what was done.
The loving heart is a human heart; perhaps that is why it is feared,
for to understand the hell that is often our inner lives reality,
bears a heavy price to be borne. This reality was seen and understood
by the heart of Christ, wounded in love,
for he has no defense.