Our backgrounds can have a tight hold on us. They affect everything about us. How we relate to those around us, to authority, how we take care of ourselves etc. In our inner worlds the past and present co-mingle, tinting how we interpret those around us often by the lenses we were given when very young. Unconscious forces can be strong in controlling us and our lives.
Even in choosing to break away from the control of our past takes time, effort and many failures…..yet this desire or choice to change is necessary if ever the journey is to begin. It is easy to demand from others what I myself cannot do, this turning around ones life, breaking free from the limitations thrust upon us from the past.
It can be difficult to admit that freedom is not a state of being, but what happens after one small choice after another slowly becomes habit, allowing for ever broader choices in how one reacts to the situations of life.
I can feel stretched out, nailed down, hanging and fighting to breathe more deeply from life. Inner voices mock me, laughing at me, demanding that I do better, yet often I feel as if I am inwardly crumbling, bit by bit, yet I never do…. crumble that is. There is something deeper at work, calling me, giving me courage, gently demanding that I begin again….so I do. It seems endless, yet there is something important going on, for this suffering calls me to myself, demanding a response.
In Holy Week we gaze upon the sufferings of Jesus Christ, who says that he identifies with us, in fact is us, for perhaps most of us are among the least that he talks about.
This feeling nailed, unable to move forward, this desire to breathe more deeply, to become freeer and more loving, to be free from the bondage of the past, is this not Christ Jesus living in us, who took upon himself our lives, our failures, our sufferings, our deaths, our experience of feeling abandoned by God. Human alienation is a appalling thing, an horrendous experience, causing many to cry out in love, or frustration, or yes hatred: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
We nailed Christ to the cross, as we often do to goodness and love. We often mock those who are innocent or trusting. Many love destroying the virtue in others, and in doing so wound them-selves ever deeper. The human state is one of inner struggle, chaos, and failure, dying and rising. Christ Jesus took all of that, carried it, allowed our hatred, rage and inner sadness to flow over him, he took it, forgave us, loved us, in that is our freedom.
In the darkest times, Christ is with us, when there is no center, he is the deepest place in our souls that is constant, the same, loving, journeying with us, suffering with us, and in doing so bringing our lives the Father, for Holy Week is about how God journeys with us, he is immanent as well as transcendent, personal and loving, though that is a most difficult thing to understanding and at times to even believe.
Edited by markdohle, 16 April 2014 - 12:23 PM.