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People who don't fall in love? Why?

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#1    LostSouls7

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 02:19 AM

Why do you think some people never fall in love? or why some people can't fall in love?
Are they to strong ? Maybe they didn't meet anyone that is hot enough to make them have interest?
What is the reason that people do not fall in love?

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#2    simplybill

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 03:17 AM

In some instances, it may be that the person was never taught how to form close relationships as a child. A child left to himself doesn't see emotional intimacy modeled in adults, and his or her ability to love simply atrophies. It's not unlike language skills that are hampered by lack of communication in extremely dysfunctional families.

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#3    LostSouls7

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 03:21 AM

Very wise answer my friend! But what is the person has relationships with friends and family.
But simply never fell into a romantic relationship.

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#4    notforgotten

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 03:58 AM

 LostSouls7, on 01 May 2014 - 02:19 AM, said:

Why do you think some people never fall in love? or why some people can't fall in love?
Are they to strong ? Maybe they didn't meet anyone that is hot enough to make them have interest?
What is the reason that people do not fall in love?
It has nothing to do with anyone being hot enough. It's all about getting along with the person and having compassion, understanding, forgiveness, tenderness and mercy. It's all about the little things and is never what you expect.


#5    Nighthawk9653

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 04:49 AM

It could be that they never saw it as children. They don't know what love is, they never learned it, they were never given it.

Or it could be more along the lines of asexuality. They just don't feel attracted to anyone, just like heterosexuals are attracted to those of the opposite sex, and homosexuals are attracted to those of the same sex. It's just the way they are. It's just their preferences.

OR if you want to delve into the spiritual, fate and soul mates and twin flames and stuff, maybe it's that their soul mate or twin flame that they are fated to love isn't here on earth, so they don't actually have the person they are meant to love.
If you follow fate, which is that everything is preplanned, then who you are bound to love fully is out there, and you are fated to only love them, because fate dictates you end up together. But if they die, or commit suicide, or just aren't here, then the one they are supposed to love isn't here.

Personally though, I think it has to do with preferences and stuff. Like part of their sexuality, it's just the way they are.

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#6    aka CAT

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 04:56 AM

Antidepressants May Thwart Quest for True Love Antidepressant drugs, already known to cause sexual side effects, may also suppress the basic human emotions of love and romance.

That SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors — the most common type of antidepressant — cause sexual dysfunction is common knowledge.
Of the 31 million adults in the United States who take the SSRIs, about 30 percent are believed to experience sexual dysfunction.

But a new theory suggests that SSRI antidepressants may also subtly alter the fundamental chemistry of love and romance,
snuffing the first sparks between two people otherwise destined to become lovers, and preventing couples from bonding.

"There’s every reason to think SSRIs blunt your ability to fall and stay in love," said Helen Fisher,
a Rutgers University biological anthropologist who has pioneered the modern science of love.

http://www.wired.com...ntidepressants/


#7    Hugh

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 04:58 AM

 LostSouls7, on 01 May 2014 - 02:19 AM, said:

What is the reason that people do not fall in love?

Sometimes it just works out that way, for many possible reasons.

Perhaps the person has low self esteem, and they feel they are not worthy of love from others. Some of these people are really nice, and good, but they feel that they might not match up to anyone's expectations in a relationship, and might fall short, and hurt the other person, which they would never want to do, so they avoid the whole relationship thing out of a perceived sense of love for the other person, and this is sad, because they really are so nice.

Sometimes there just isn't any likeable potential mates around, and the person is just too lazy to go out and look in new places for them, and they accept that they are lazy, and time marches on, day after day, year after year, and then it just never ends up happening.

Sometimes a person is deeply hurt as a child, and that hurt has caused a defensive wall to go up which is used to keep out any future deep contact. The person feels safe not getting deeply involved with anyone, and ends up never doing so out of fear.

Sometimes a person just plainly doesn't want to fall in love with anyone, and is happy and completely satisfied with only casual relationships and several close friendships.

Sometimes someone doesn't want to have children, for many different possible reasons, and so they avoid falling in love for fear that the other person may end up becoming pregnant, which they want to avoid at all costs.

These are but a few of the reasons why many don't fall in love.


#8    Frank Merton

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 05:06 AM

Love comes over time; in the West at first there is sexual attraction, then cohabitation (which usually accompanies marriage) and then love.  In the old days in my country the parents negotiated the bond and love usually did not come for a year or so.  It most often accompanies the birth of the first child.

I think the stuff above about antidepressants is nonsense.  I took them for many years and it suppressed suicidal impulses but did not effect my love nor my friendships.


#9    Rlyeh

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 05:31 AM

Maybe no one is compatible with them?


#10    simplybill

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 05:41 AM

 LostSouls7, on 01 May 2014 - 03:21 AM, said:

But what is the person has relationships with friends and family.
But simply never fell into a romantic relationship.
Some people are comfortable with their own company, and don't require too much in the way of companionship. I think it's important to learn that about yourself when you're young, so you don't stumble into marriage thinking it's a social requirement.
I actually kinda like the idea of arranged marriages, as Frank Merton mentioned above. Wise parents may know their children better than their children know themselves, and might make better choices! It would be interesting to know the marriage/divorce statistics of arranged marriages compared to Western-style marriage.

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#11    LostSouls7

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 06:07 AM

 Hugh, on 01 May 2014 - 04:58 AM, said:

Sometimes it just works out that way, for many possible reasons.

Perhaps the person has low self esteem, and they feel they are not worthy of love from others. Some of these people are really nice, and good, but they feel that they might not match up to anyone's expectations in a relationship, and might fall short, and hurt the other person, which they would never want to do, so they avoid the whole relationship thing out of a perceived sense of love for the other person, and this is sad, because they really are so nice.

Sometimes there just isn't any likeable potential mates around, and the person is just too lazy to go out and look in new places for them, and they accept that they are lazy, and time marches on, day after day, year after year, and then it just never ends up happening.

Sometimes a person is deeply hurt as a child, and that hurt has caused a defensive wall to go up which is used to keep out any future deep contact. The person feels safe not getting deeply involved with anyone, and ends up never doing so out of fear.

Sometimes a person just plainly doesn't want to fall in love with anyone, and is happy and completely satisfied with only casual relationships and several close friendships.

Sometimes someone doesn't want to have children, for many different possible reasons, and so they avoid falling in love for fear that the other person may end up becoming pregnant, which they want to avoid at all costs.

These are but a few of the reasons why many don't fall in love.

Very good post.. for me Im going to vote.. for me just being way to lazy to care lol.

Good post indeed

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#12    LostSouls7

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 06:09 AM

 aka CAT, on 01 May 2014 - 04:56 AM, said:

Antidepressants May Thwart Quest for True Love Antidepressant drugs, already known to cause sexual side effects, may also suppress the basic human emotions of love and romance.

That SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors — the most common type of antidepressant — cause sexual dysfunction is common knowledge.
Of the 31 million adults in the United States who take the SSRIs, about 30 percent are believed to experience sexual dysfunction.

But a new theory suggests that SSRI antidepressants may also subtly alter the fundamental chemistry of love and romance,
snuffing the first sparks between two people otherwise destined to become lovers, and preventing couples from bonding.

"There’s every reason to think SSRIs blunt your ability to fall and stay in love," said Helen Fisher,
a Rutgers University biological anthropologist who has pioneered the modern science of love.

http://www.wired.com...ntidepressants/
Helen Fisher.. she write and has some good videos about love on Youtube.

She said being in love feels as intense and as good as being on Heroin....
I've never tried drugs. But I know no one has ever made me feel THAT good..
so I know I've never been in love.

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#13    Erowin

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 06:37 AM

I'm someone who has never experienced it, and is honestly deeply afraid of relationships. I think I'm aromantic (someone who never feels romantic love). Though other times I hope I can be like everyone else and find someone, it likely wont happen anytime soon. I don't know why, but the idea of being in a relationship makes me panic. I have super close friendships, but if its romantic I freak out. I can be pretty reclusive and awkward about touch/hugs and stuff too though.


#14    Sean93

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 11:21 AM

Perhaps they're emotionally harder or have higher standards because many people date someone for a month and then declare their love to the heavens* only for it to turn bitter because they haven't given it enough time.

Aside from unnatural monogamy, some people who don't fall in love may see that in today's world it's all to easy to divorce or that sexual freedom is much more tenable which tends to chip away at the traditional 'One True Love' idea because how many people have you known who were in relationships where they would say to their partner 'I love you.' only to break up with them later - point being, love isn't exclusive and isn't as magical a thing as it's made out to be. It also tends to become obligated the longer you're with someone.  

It usually starts with someone taking a chance with someone else based on knowing them for a short while or -idiotically- seeing them from across the dance floor and having a love at first sight moment. Like I said above, after two people decide to date, they may grow to like each other more or perhaps the love that needs to reciprocate becomes obligated now that they're established in each other's lives.

I myself have only ever thought I loved one person but I was a silly 16 year old and while the girl did share the same idea and she was indeed cool, I eventually realized I wasn't thinking it through enough. It's also quite strange that people will say -as they sometimes do- that 'You should get yourself a girlfriend', as if a girlfriend or boyfriend is some mandatory thing we all need - that line of thinking is pretty toxic as well because if you're just going to get a partner for the sake of getting one, where is the Love in that?

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#15    willowdreams

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 01:52 PM

Here is something I learned from my own life.

I do not want nor desire a 'partner'. Period. No and's if's or buts'.

I LOVE many people, but i am not,. nor do i wish to be 'in love' with anyone. I have a wonderful relationship with my two children. Very tight knit. I have great relationships with friends.

I can jump into nearly any group and just begin chatting and we all end up laughting.

I LOVE people.

I have zero desires to be in love.  People come into my life and stay awhile, a few people other then my children, will stay in my life forever, some people for a few months others years.

But I do not need nor desire anyone to be IN my life forever until death do us part. (unless you count my kids of course. But i think everyone knows a parent relationship is different then a 'friend' or 'lover' relationship)

I am soo happy not to be answering to anyone. I love not having to make sure my pits and legs are shaved so i look good for another, i love jumping into my bed when I want to and not worrying about disturbing another. I like not having to include someone else in my plans. I read when and what I want, i watch on tv, what i want, when i want.. i go to bed when i want.

I am happy and love life.

It took me a while, but i figured out that *I* am a GREAT person to be 'alone' with..

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