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Please Help: Reoccuring Dreams of a Friend


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#1    DontAskAlice

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 02:45 PM

Hello, I really need some help on this. I would be do grateful to any insight: logical explanation or supernatural or both.

First, I'd like to give a bit of background into the situation.

This friend I've had re-occurring dreams of I met in the 2nd grade. We'll call him "Joe". The two of us were really close for about 2 years and we would often play in the school yard at recess together and he even came over to my house and my grandparents' house. We would mainly just play video games and then use our imagination and do role play like we were in video games.

It is important to note that nothing romantic ever happened between Joe and I.

Sadly, Joe moved at the end of 3rd grade and ended up going to a different elementary. We tried to keep in touch - I would call him but eventually drifted apart.

He later went to the same Jr. High and High School as me but we rarely, if ever talked. Jr. High was a nightmare for me. I was a constant target of bullying so my self-esteem was too low to approach him. I sorta developed a crush on him I guess until High School when there were other boys to crush on.

I didn't really date until college and I never kept in touch with Joe. Guys came and went.

Somewhere, about halfway through college, I started having dreams of Joe. Anything from being romantically involved with him or going on insane adventures together. It's odd because I never thought of him while awake.

I was friends on Facebook with him for a short time. I found out he got into a serious relationship with a girl I was kinda friends with. It didn't really bother me.

The dreams have been persisting for about five years now. I am out of college and engaged to a man I happily call my best friend. I still have these dreams of Joe and it's concerning. They are almost always romantic now and it's a strong need to be together.

It's starting to cross over into my real life even though I am in love with my fiancé. Please note I am in a good relationship, no abuse and my fiancé is nothing like Joe.

Joe got married. I really don't care and am quite happy for him. But I still keep having these dreams where we end up together and a sense of longing after I wake up from them.

I've had many make childhood friends I've crushed on. Why this one? I'm happy in my relationship. I don't really want to be with Joe because I have a wonderful fiancé.

Any explanations would be appreciated. This has been bothering me for a while now. I'd really like to stop dreaming about him.

Thank you!

Also, could it be that he is my soulmate? I never really believed in soul mates much but these dreams have got me thinking.


#2    Beany

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 03:08 PM

One of the most effective dream interpretation methods I've found is to considered everyone and everything in our dreams as an aspect of ourselves. Applying it to your dream, maybe it means that it's time you developed a more loving relationship with yourself. While this may or may not be an answer you're looking for, exploring this theme might help redirect your thoughts towards a more positive outcome and perspective.  Best of luck.


#3    DontAskAlice

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 03:28 PM

Well it would be nice to be more loving to myself but sadly, self-love is something I've been lacking. I was thinking maybe the Joe in my dreams does represent some aspect of me or my mind though. It's just really frustrating because I can't figure out what exactly.

Sometimes I just reckon it up to him representing a happier part of my childhood as a little after he left I found myself lost and hitting puberty early which led to a lot of bullying.

Maybe I just miss that optimism and hope from my childhood. I was much happier than.

Thank you for the reply! I appreciate it! :)


#4    John from Lowell

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 03:39 PM

Hello Alice,

These soul bond kind of relationships are quite powerful. I truly suspect that the intent for this one is to assist you with your self-love aspirations.

Envision a day when the romantic energy you feel from Joe is a lot like how you feel about yourself.

John

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#5    OverSword

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 03:41 PM

I was thinking along the same lines as beany but see the figure of your friend as a symbol of lost opportunity.  Next time you have a crush on someone perhaps let them know.


#6    DontAskAlice

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 05:40 PM

Well, at least focusing the on myself will help with my low self-esteem issues. Definitely something to meditate on and ponder.

It may have been a missed opportunity but I'm glad because I have my fiancé now and I would never give him up for Joe. :)

Part of my does wonder what would have happened if I'd have told him but I think it would have been a disaster. :P I was the most bullied girl in Jr. High. I'm sure he knew my rep. lol.

Im just grateful and lucky to have my fiancé in my life. He's helped me through a lot of stuff. I think our connection is much stronger than any connection to Joe.


#7    theotherguy

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 06:27 PM

When was the last time you spent any serious time with Joe? If you can, try getting your families together for lunch or a weekend or something. Tell him you've been thinking about your friendship with him a lot. See what he has to say.

Edited by theotherguy, 12 May 2014 - 06:28 PM.

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#8    DontAskAlice

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 06:52 PM

Eh no thanks! We lost contact a while ago (said hi to him once with my fiancé like two years ago lol). Would really rather not talk to him again. He's probably forgotten all about me. Plus I wouldn't want to hurt my fiancé's feelings. I don't think he'd want me talking to some guy telling him I've been thinking about him.

I'd just like for the dreams to go away. :)

Edited by DontAskAlice, 12 May 2014 - 06:52 PM.


#9    StoryMystic

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 06:53 PM

I would ask if there is any compelling action from within your soul that derives from all this.  

I had a similar experience with dreams of a girl I was once close friends with.  After being married for a few years, I started having dreams (very powerful and emotional dreams, much like the ones you describe) about her.  Though committed to my wife, I felt a strong compulsion from within to contact this girl.  Long story short, me contacting her led to her getting past a dead-end in her life to where she could move on, and now she is married and has a couple of kids of her own.  

If you feel led to take any sort of action from all this, suspend your doubt and move forward with the action you feel compelled to take.  You'll likely see later that there was a good reason for all this.


#10    simplybill

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 09:00 PM

Another aspect you might want to consider:
Your posts revolve around Joe and your fiance. Have there been others in your life that you felt comfortable around, or gave you support during your high school and college years, such as your parents, siblings, grandparents, favorite teachers, mentors?

 DontAskAlice, on 12 May 2014 - 03:28 PM, said:

Sometimes I just reckon it up to him representing a happier part of my childhood as a little after he left I found myself lost and hitting puberty early which led to a lot of bullying.
Maybe I just miss that optimism and hope from my childhood. I was much happier than.


That was my first thought also, though my second thought was that the answer was arrived at too easily. Maybe there is a deeper meaning, something that will require some deeper thinking. Since three of your four posts mention low self-esteem, that appears to be the issue. However, this quote makes me wonder if you're concerned that your fiance also has low self-esteem, and your subconscious mind is urging you to deal with it before you get married:    

"We lost contact a while ago (said hi to him once with my fiance, like two years ago). Would really rather not talk to him again. He's probably forgotten all about me. Plus I wouldn't want to hurt my fiance's feelings. I don't think he'd want me talking to some guy telling him I've been thinking about him."

I wouldn't recommend that you talk to your fiance about your romantic dreams, but you may want to take a closer look at your role in building up your fiance's self-esteem, especially if you suspect he might have a "jealous" sort of self-esteem problem. Could the "care-free" aspect of your dreams be a warning to you that your fiance is a bit too controlling?

(This is all speculation on my part, of course.)

Edited by simplybill, 12 May 2014 - 09:02 PM.

Every warrior is happy when his enemies flee before him, but much more blessed is the man to whom his fiercest enemies can come with confidence, knowing beforehand they will be received with love.
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#11    DontAskAlice

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 09:25 PM

My fiancé isn't controlling but he does get jealous if I have any guy friends that hit on me. Well maybe not jealous because I don't like my guy friends. More just like, "Stay away from my woman" type of thing. But I really don't have many guy friends anymore or really any friends just a few close friends. I cut a lot of people out of my life (not because of my fiancé) because they were either using me or bringing negativity into my life. Both my fiancé and I are introverts and don't have many friends. My fiancé is in no way controlling. He's more than happy to let me do my own thing but I'm sure he'd be hurt if I went to a bar or hung out with a guy alone. I'd be upset if he went to a bar or hung out with a girl so I can't really say anything to that.

We both have low self-esteem but we are working on building each other up. We have a support system going. Our relationship was rocky at first but we worked out our problems and have stuck by each other. He dealt with a lot of my negative issues and still does and hardly complains and accepts me for my faults and helps me overcome them.

As for people who give me support, my mom and all my grandparents have always been there for me and I'm really close with them. I'm kinda close with my dad. And I've had very close relationships with friends once the bullying stopped in high school. I always had a core group of people I was tight with throughout high school and college.

Right now I have my family, my fiancé, and my best friends for support. :)


#12    Beany

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 09:46 PM

 DontAskAlice, on 12 May 2014 - 05:40 PM, said:

Well, at least focusing the on myself will help with my low self-esteem issues. Definitely something to meditate on and ponder.

It may have been a missed opportunity but I'm glad because I have my fiancé now and I would never give him up for Joe. :)

Part of my does wonder what would have happened if I'd have told him but I think it would have been a disaster. :P I was the most bullied girl in Jr. High. I'm sure he knew my rep. lol.

Im just grateful and lucky to have my fiancé in my life. He's helped me through a lot of stuff. I think our connection is much stronger than any connection to Joe.

If you love Joe, then there is no missed opportunity. The missed opportunity would be not marrying the man you're in love with because of some unrealized or unrealistic ideas about a man who hasn't been in your life in any significant way for years. You're very lucky to have found the love you already have. I wouldn't trade that for anything.


#13    simplybill

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Posted 12 May 2014 - 09:53 PM

That's good to hear, DontAskAlice! It sounds as though you have a very healthy relationship with your fiance. So, I'm going with what Beany said:

 Beany, on 12 May 2014 - 03:08 PM, said:

One of the most effective dream interpretation methods I've found is to considered everyone and everything in our dreams as an aspect of ourselves. Applying it to your dream, maybe it means that it's time you developed a more loving relationship with yourself. While this may or may not be an answer you're looking for, exploring this theme might help redirect your thoughts towards a more positive outcome and perspective.  Best of luck.


If the Joe in your dreams is an aspect of yourself, then your dreams may be urging you to become the secure, carefree child of your youth. You've already identified your fiance's strong points and weak points, and he apparently has done the same with you. You're laying the foundation for a long, happy marriage.

Being a Christian, I always look for a relevant piece of advice in the Bible. This from Proverbs, Ch. 31, verses 11 & 12 seems to be appropriate: "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."

My personal advice: continue to seek wisdom, and one day you can change your screen name to: AskAlice
I wish you the best.

Every warrior is happy when his enemies flee before him, but much more blessed is the man to whom his fiercest enemies can come with confidence, knowing beforehand they will be received with love.
Richard Wurmbrand in Reaching Toward the Heights.

#14    bLu3 de 3n3rgy

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Posted 13 May 2014 - 04:08 PM

 DontAskAlice, on 12 May 2014 - 03:28 PM, said:

Well it would be nice to be more loving to myself but sadly, self-love is something I've been lacking. I was thinking maybe the Joe in my dreams does represent some aspect of me or my mind though. It's just really frustrating because I can't figure out what exactly.

Sometimes I just reckon it up to him representing a happier part of my childhood as a little after he left I found myself lost and hitting puberty early which led to a lot of bullying.

Maybe I just miss that optimism and hope from my childhood. I was much happier than.

Thank you for the reply! I appreciate it! :)

I think you've hit nail on head with this reply. He was the first safe person you trusted which was anchored from a young age and then double anchored because of how life changed when the bullying started.  In taking it even deeper it is probably your inner child who holds the reflection of him as you. If you take this perspective from now on when you have the dreams, then you might start seeing that he mirrors you in your dreams. Could go as far as saying he is what represents your ideal masculine side, because you might unconsciously connect the masculine side to happy times, not being bullied etc. I think it's a tendency with females to look for their strength in their masculine self if they have been abused or bullied or feel they have to compete in a male orientated world, as we often have to in this society. This  can sometimes leave the feminine side of us feeling abandoned and dis empowered, which is what leads to self loathing, self hate, and a lot of the common female problems females have and how they treat each other in general.

When in actual fact it's the feminine side that is the very walking definition of self empowerment and when its in balance with the 'masculine aspect' inside of us, it generates kindness, nurturing, and love ....it's one of the greatest misconceptions in our society that we have to suppress our feminine side to survive, or compete in a male orientated society.

This is kind of what stands out to me when i read you.

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#15    DontAskAlice

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Posted 29 May 2014 - 03:11 PM

Thank you all for the replies. I've had some time to think on these dreams and even had another dream in which Joe comforted me while I trembled in fear at something that was going to kill me.

I do think I feel like a weak and dependent person at times. I think Joe is the strong side of me which is my "masculine" side and my wanting to stand on my own two feet. I think Joe represents my want to be independent and not depend on others for my happiness and insecurity. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me to be strong and independent and that I am worthy of being loved.





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