Kira Posted June 9, 2003 #1 Share Posted June 9, 2003 A lonely brain cell A female brain cell ends up in a male brain. Finding herself all alone she decides to see if anyone else is about and calls out in her pretty voice: "Hello? Is there anybody there?" She waits for an answer but no one replies. So after a little while she calls out again, this time with a bit of gusto: "HELLOOO! Is there anybody there?" But still there's no answer. Getting a bit worried, she raises the decibels and bellows: "HELLOOOOOO! Is there anybody THERE? Anybody at all?" Just then she hears a tiny little voice in the distance... "We're all down here!" Motorway madness An elderly gentleman, Fred, is listening to the radio when he hears the news that a car has been spotted travelling the wrong way down the M4. Knowing his elderly wife is heading home down the M4 today, he gets a little concerned and decides to phone her and warn her. "Mable, darling," he says, "watch yourself on your way home because there's a nutter driving their car the wrong way down the motorway!" "Fred," she replies, "it's worse than you think - there's loads of them!" the power of Cod Two prawns, Justin and Christian, are swimming around in the sea. They are constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrol the area. Finally, one day, Justin says to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten." Just as Justin is fantasising about being a big, strong predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold Justin is transformed into a shark. Horrified by what's just happened and afraid of being eaten by his old mate, Christian swims away. After a while of being a shark, Justin finds himself becoming bored and lonely. Whenever he approaches his old mates they all scurry away. While out swimming alone one day, Justin sees the mysterious cod again and begs the cod to work its magic and turn him back into a prawn so he can hang out with his friends again. The cod agrees and Justin is tranformed back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his little eyes, he swims back to his friends but his old pal Christian is nowhere to be seen. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, completely distraught that his best friend changed sides and became a shark," the other prawns tell Justin. So, eager to put things right again and end their mutual pain and torture, he sets off to Christian's house. Banging on the door in an attempt to make up with his pal, he shouts: "Christian, it's me, Justin, your old friend. Please come out and see me again." "No way," Christian replies. "You're a shark, you're the enemy and not to be trusted. How do I know you won't eat me?" "It's OK now," argues Justin, "I'm not a shark any more. That was the old me. I've changed. I've seen Cod. I'm a prawn again Christian!" Twins A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal'. The other goes to a family in Spain, and they name him 'Juan'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. "But why, honey? After all, they're identical twins." Her husband responds. "And once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neen Posted June 9, 2003 #2 Share Posted June 9, 2003 they were great Celticwitch, loved the brain cell joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo_Jones Posted June 9, 2003 #3 Share Posted June 9, 2003 1; 2: 3: 4: He! He! 2 groans 2 laughs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djdodo Posted June 9, 2003 #4 Share Posted June 9, 2003 These are funny ones Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loonboy Posted June 9, 2003 #5 Share Posted June 9, 2003 Quadruple Groans.... but I did giggle at the prawn one... sheesh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kismit Posted June 9, 2003 #6 Share Posted June 9, 2003 Loved that Brain cell joke . and here's another for the groan section . An elderly woman takes her dead pet cat to the vets . Unable to accept the loss of her beloved Kitty , she has brought the cat into the vets for a second oppinion . The Vet's diagnosis ...... that the cat is infact dead ..... The elderly woman is still unable to consede to grief ,and requests a second opinion . So the Vet goes out to the waiting room where he finds a fine looking golden retreiver/labrador . The dog walks up to the cat sniffs it twice , turns it's nose upand walks away .. " Clearly", the Vet says " Your cat is dead ......" "No" the woman wails " I wan't another opinion . So again the vet wonders out to the waiting room... this time he brings back a lovely looking Grey persian kitty . Who then proceeds to sniff the dead animal twice , stick it's nose up in the air and also walk away . " Now you must agree with me that your Cat is Dead "said the vet , the old lady nodded and agreed , "how much will it cost ?" she asked . "That will be $450.00 " retorted the vet. " How much " gasped the woman ... "$450.00.... $50.00 vet consultation , $200.00 Lab report , and a $200.00 Cat scan .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Posted June 9, 2003 #7 Share Posted June 9, 2003 2 laughs 3 Groans so far. (in that order) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j6p Posted June 9, 2003 #8 Share Posted June 9, 2003 "If you see Juan youve seen Amal" I like that A fellow from Mexico named his first son Jose, his second son was Hose B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homer Posted June 9, 2003 #9 Share Posted June 9, 2003 I agree with Tommy Laugh, laugh, groan, groan, groan. In that order Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceyKC Posted June 9, 2003 #10 Share Posted June 9, 2003 I mostly laughed ~ I'm easy to please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schadeaux Posted June 9, 2003 #11 Share Posted June 9, 2003 A lonely brain cell That might explain it! They ain't voices! Them's echos! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimm Posted June 9, 2003 #12 Share Posted June 9, 2003 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homer Posted June 9, 2003 #13 Share Posted June 9, 2003 I'm easy to please. Me too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie Posted June 11, 2003 #14 Share Posted June 11, 2003 I've heard the Motorway Madness one before, and it's still my favorite! They're all pretty funny too!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aerialhippo Posted June 18, 2003 #15 Share Posted June 18, 2003 I liked them all I just really like plays on words Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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