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Hiker


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#16    Bone_Collector

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Posted 22 September 2005 - 04:16 AM

Quote


Horrible. The dialogue is dreadful and doesn't resemble the conversational flow that any two people in the place known as "the real world" would ever carry with each other. The ending is a third grader's attempt at a Sixth Sense ending.

Thank you very much!
First of all, let me remind you that this is the URBAN LEGEND forum. The stories that we read here are a type of folklore, in the form of supposedly-true stories circulated primarily by word of mouth. I never claimed that I created this story; I heard it and tried to put it in my own words as I mentioned at he very beginning of my first post. I'm glad some people liked it.

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Please don't ever post again, anywhere on the internet.

Ooooh....I'm scaaaared...what do I do now, I'm threatened by the Internet overlord. My posting days are over. laugh.gif

Edited by Bone_Collector, 22 September 2005 - 06:12 AM.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep... and miles to go before I sleep ~Robert Frost

#17    wabbit

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Posted 22 September 2005 - 04:26 AM

I personally liked it... it spooked me, so it was awesome... original.gif

don't let people who have nothing better to say then spew their negative and unwanted criticism stop you from ever making up another story like that and please keep posting..

I look forward to reading more Urband Legends from you  thumbsup.gif


#18    Bone_Collector

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Posted 23 September 2005 - 04:35 AM

Good to know that you liked it wabbit and thanks for your words. I will post another Urban Legend soon.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep... and miles to go before I sleep ~Robert Frost

#19    manitou

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Posted 23 September 2005 - 04:07 PM

Well, to get into the technical part of writing, the poking with the elbow is just a little stale. The laughing hysterically, or whatever superlative you used there, gets recycled and doesn't make the story better. The joke comes a little too quick, the 'ghost' gives up too fast. Then the ending twist is something a bit unexpected, I have to say, but after that it's also pretty familiar in some way.

About Urban Legends... I never quite understood how this all could ever be written down if both parties in the legend don't write it down. Here we have the ghost disappearing and the man dying instantly. Who collected all the info for the next of kin? That actually makes it just another story, with no 'actually happened to a friend of a friend of mine' at all.

Anyway, I liked the story but you should practice.
Then again: don't we all?


#20    wrighty

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Posted 23 September 2005 - 05:05 PM

Great story. Fantastic end.


#21    Tornado

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Posted 23 September 2005 - 08:17 PM

Quote


Horrible. The dialogue is dreadful and doesn't resemble the conversational flow that any two people in the place known as "the real world" would ever carry with each other. The ending is a third grader's attempt at a Sixth Sense ending. Please don't ever post again, anywhere on the internet.



^ That was harsh ... no need for that!

Hi Bone Collector. I liked your story.

Edited by Tornado, 23 September 2005 - 08:25 PM.

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#22    GhostW/aSkinSuit

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Posted 25 September 2005 - 12:14 AM

That was a good one, I really liked the twist at the end. And like they say, the people that can tell a good story, tell it. The people that can't, gripe about the ones that can. thumbsup.gif

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#23    Barnacle Battlefront

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Posted 25 September 2005 - 04:55 PM

i've heard several variations on this legend.

a guy picks up a girl on a dangerous piece of road called 'Devils Elbow' (or something like that), takes the girl to her brothers, gets there and the girl is not in the car anymore. so he knocks on the door anyway, turns out the chik had been going to visit her sick mother in hospital, and had died in a car accident on the Devils Elbow. And every year, people picked up her ghost, always on the anniversery of her death.

and there were others, but i can't remember them right now mellow.gif

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older. Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.


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#24    Bone_Collector

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Posted 26 September 2005 - 04:42 AM

Quote


Well, to get into the technical part of writing, the poking with the elbow is just a little stale. The laughing hysterically, or whatever superlative you used there, gets recycled and doesn't make the story better. The joke comes a little too quick, the 'ghost' gives up too fast. Then the ending twist is something a bit unexpected, I have to say, but after that it's also pretty familiar in some way.

Well...I didn't exactly post this story to show off my writing skills; it was a story I heard from somebody and I tried to put it in the best possible way I could, however, I will consider few of the points that you mentioned when I attempt to write the next time.

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About Urban Legends... I never quite understood how this all could ever be written down if both parties in the legend don't write it down. Here we have the ghost disappearing and the man dying instantly. Who collected all the info for the next of kin? That actually makes it just another story, with no 'actually happened to a friend of a friend of mine' at all.

Good observation but the whole thing was being recorded by the Hiker for his TV show, remember?


The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep... and miles to go before I sleep ~Robert Frost

#25    nativechick1989

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Posted 27 September 2005 - 07:00 AM

Great story . . . had me going 'til the end!   ohmy.gif

thumbsup.gif


#26    Bone_Collector

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Posted 03 October 2005 - 09:40 AM

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Great story. Fantastic end.

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Hi Bone Collector. I liked your story.

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That was a good one, I really liked the twist at the end. And like they say, the people that can tell a good story, tell it. The people that can't, gripe about the ones that can. thumbsup.gif

Quote


Great story . . . had me going 'til the end!   ohmy.gif
thumbsup.gif

Thanks everybody!

Quote


i've heard several variations on this legend.

a guy picks up a girl on a dangerous piece of road called 'Devils Elbow' (or something like that), takes the girl to her brothers, gets there and the girl is not in the car anymore. so he knocks on the door anyway, turns out the chik had been going to visit her sick mother in hospital, and had died in a car accident on the Devils Elbow. And every year, people picked up her ghost, always on the anniversery of her death.

and there were others, but i can't remember them right now mellow.gif

mmm....I heard that one too but this one's different, don't you think?

Edited by Bone_Collector, 03 October 2005 - 12:38 PM.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep... and miles to go before I sleep ~Robert Frost

#27    Barnacle Battlefront

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Posted 03 October 2005 - 09:43 AM

i suppose so. but i was more refering to the whole 'ghostly hiker, gets picked up then mysteriously disappears' thing tongue.gif

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older. Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.


Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy as hell.- Maca02


#28    Raptor

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Posted 03 October 2005 - 05:52 PM

Lol. Pretty cool twist happy.gif


#29    justcallmefox

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Posted 03 October 2005 - 10:52 PM

'twas a good story...ignore all the people hating it. they need to remember it's a STORY.
but anyway, some more would be good. thumbsup.gif

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#30    Original

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Posted 04 October 2005 - 01:07 AM

I thought it was a good story, and if you know anymore don't hesitate to post.  thumbsup.gif





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