First, a little background on me and what lead up to the experience. I am diagnosed with bipolar I disorder, and three years ago I was going through my first (and so far only) true manic episode, to the point where it had psychotic features. I was a devout Christian at the time, and a lot of the psychotic features were religious in nature. In addition, I had just overcome an addiction to pornography, and hadn't had any sort of release/nocturnal emission for 3 months; also, I'm a virgin. Theologically, this means I had open doors at the time to demonic influences, particularly sexual sin. At the time of this manic awakening, I had no idea I was under the influence of a disorder, and combined with additional stress including 2 hours of sleep per night for 3 months, it lead to full blown psychosis. After staying awake for 3 days straight at the end of these 3 months, it happened.
I felt something touch my hand, not physically, but something deeper, down to my soul, and it warmed me while I was lying in bed wondering what was going to happen to me. I was completely awake, but another post could describe the world I saw. I remember most of what happened so vividly. Her touch was perfect, and her master in the art beyond my imagination. I couldn't see her - I just felt sensations on my body and talked with her in my mind. She bid me to take her to a quiet place where my parents wouldn't hear, so I went out to the car in the dark.
Things further progressed sexually, and my energies were absolutely phenomenal - she always did the perfect thing to keep me going. As things progressed, I could begin to see more of her. The one thing that caught my eyes the most were hers - when I looked into them, I saw the stars and the heavens and thought of the atoms and matter that make each one, but all of that was still not enough to justify the eyes. They pointed me to another world, and all of what I saw in them pointed to an innocent desire to make love. Her body was effervescent, it changed according to what would arouse me the most, and I could not see her breasts or private parts - they were numb to the eyes. It was her hair, body type, skin color, ethnicity that all changed. She would morph seamlessly, moment by moment.
Another prominent feature of the experience was her scent. It was incredibly intoxicating, like a sort of indescribable flower with intimate features. It reminded me of everything that is good and beautiful in the world, and it described what I saw in her eyes. All of her touch - it wasn't so much physical as it was much, much deeper.
The whole nature of the experience was so innocent. I felt no guilt, no darkness, no lust whatsoever. The focus was on pleasing her, and in turn she wished to please me. She would often giggle and I felt as though we were in the Garden of Eden, making love for the first time in all creation, and that God had given her such a magnifiscent gift of doing so - I didn't believe that, but that's the closest way my mind could describe it.
She brought me to a certain point where I felt I could go no further, never achieving climax yet during the experience. All of a sudden, she broke down crying, telling me that I would be going through a very hard time. Just then, I saw a vision and felt presences around me. I was reminded of Christ and his experiences leading up to his crucifixion with visual hallucinations, and I saw the spiritual side of what was happening to him.
I asked her who she was, and she didn't answer. I saw that she understood that she could not understand the pain that i had just witnessed. After 6 hours from her first touch, she worked me to an incredible climax.
I had no idea at the time of what that being was I thought visited me. I thought it was an angel sent by God, as that intense experience helped get me through that hard time, and I saw a lot more of the world through the experience. But I've never heard of angels doing such things. It seems from what little research I've come across that this is related to a succubus visit. I didn't know what you guys think. Honestly, this experience has had a profound impact on me... In a way, it saved my life as that experience carried me through my hospitalization period soon afterwards. It did come with some deceit as well - which I see as a demonic feature as well that I won't get into.
I'm fascinated with the intersections of psychological states and the spiritual realm - and I believe mania with psychotic features is one way to explore this.
Oh, I wasn't touching myself for the record.
Does this sound characteristic of a succubus visit? Is it unheard of to have it while you're awake, as I was at this point (but with no sleep for 3 days)?