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Do you ever wonder why?


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#1    pappagooch

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Posted 18 November 2003 - 03:54 PM

Didja ever ask yourself why:

We work out, diet and eat miserable food so that we can live longer to work out even more, diet and eat miserable food?

Madonna has been in as many hit movies as I have?

No one admits to reading the Enquirer, but the racks are always half empty in the stores that carry them?

You can just look at some people and tell they have bad breath?

All the best pies and cakes baked in my house always seem to be designated for some relative or friend?

Head colds, mosquitoes and doilies were invented?

You can't name one good dish/recipe that has beets in it?

Serial killers in prison get fan mail, and teachers never do?

More businesses don't run like churches do? At church, you get your service up front and then decide how much you want to pay for it. Wouldn't it be cool if some businesses operated that way?

We'll order three chili dogs, a large order of onion rings and a Diet Coke?

We'll also order those same three chili dogs, a large order of onion rings and a Diet Coke right before a 1 p.m. staff meeting that will last for two hours and be packed out with people?

Lottery players are categorized as gamblers, but stockbrokers are categorized as businessmen or women?

Standards for columnists aren't higher? (Man, I stuck out my chin four miles on that one, didn't I?)

No one admits to buying Beano or Preparation H?

It's harder to tell what's cussin' and what's not anymore?

We doubt UFOs, yet believe politicians?

Publix doesn't advertise their sub sandwiches more, cause they are absolutely great?

Even as an adult, visiting your dentist still makes you pucker up like a yellow caution light (excepting Dr. Boland, the Elvis of dentists)?

No one's surprised that Mike Tyson is broke?

German chocolate cake is becoming my favorite kind?

Toupees still look like a dead rat sitting up on top of a man's head?

One of the biggest hit movies out these days (Freddy vs. Jason) is about two guys who can't die that get into a fight to see who can kill the other?

More ladies don't write their favorite humor columnist and tell him that he's cuddly?

We get all excited about these sales tax free days, which means we save 6 percent, and routinely ignore sales at establishments where they advertise savings of 10 to 20 percent or more?

A neighbor's dog can come over and poop in your yard, and you have to accept it, but if you went over and pooped in your neighbor's yard you'd go to jail?

It's so hard to find Jelly Belly Sours anywhere?

All the stuff that got me in trouble as a kid is paying off for me now?

Politicians worry about tax relief for people who don't pay taxes?

We can't hunt without permits, but someone who has never hunted in their lives can get one?

The Andy Griffith Show is more fun to watch now than when you were growing up?

We don't hug our favorite columnists more?

We don't hug our favorite authors more?

We don't hug our favorite speakers more?

Someone will say the funniest thing imaginable when you have a mouthful of something?

Your teenage children think your house is a Holiday Inn for their friends?

Some people are urging me to have a contest where the winner gets to spend a weekend at the IHOP with the Brotherhood?

A low cut blouse can cut a man's IQ in half before you can blink?

Raisin Bran makes my stomach rumble like a fission reactor?

You'd love to be regarded as a sex object by a woman at least one time in your life?

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#2    snuffypuffer

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Posted 18 November 2003 - 07:05 PM

QUOTE (pappagooch @ Nov 18 2003, 02:54 PM)


Standards for columnists aren't higher? (Man, I stuck out my chin four miles on that one, didn't I?)


Even as an adult, visiting your dentist still makes you pucker up like a yellow caution light (excepting Dr. Boland, the Elvis of dentists)?


More ladies don't write their favorite humor columnist and tell him that he's cuddly?


We don't hug our favorite columnists more?


You'd love to be regarded as a sex object by a woman at least one time in your life?

Link

I think you ladies need to get to work, I'm sitting here all alone with no hugs.  And somebody has gots ta think I'm a sex object.  Come on you slackers....

I'm a columnist, I think, of course, UM has very low standards, (I'm kidding Saruman, you rawk wub.gif )

Great article Pappa.

Nothing to see here.

#3    Nancy

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Posted 18 November 2003 - 08:48 PM

QUOTE (snuffypuffer @ Nov 18 2003, 02:05 PM)
I think you ladies need to get to work, I'm sitting here all alone with no hugs.  And somebody has gots ta think I'm a sex object.  Come on you slackers....

I'm a columnist, I think, of course, UM has very low standards, (I'm kidding Saruman, you rawk wub.gif )

Great article Pappa.

<~~~ from one of the "low standard" columnists........ Here's a HUG to my favorite SEXY Writer.............  ((((((((((((((((Snuffy)))))))))))))))))))))

come closer to the screen, Darlin  whistling2.gif


dying is easy ... tis the living that's hard...

#4    Melladior

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Posted 18 November 2003 - 09:42 PM

QUOTE
We'll order three chili dogs, a large order of onion rings and a Diet Coke?


It's a well known, reputably founded fact that Diet sodas cancel out fattening food.  

Mathematical example:  

     Diet Pepsi
+ Snickers Bar
  ---------------
= 0 calories
    
It is because of this loophole that I haven't technically consumed any calories in 8 years.                              



#5    Melladior

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Posted 18 November 2003 - 09:46 PM

QUOTE
You'd love to be regarded as a sex object by a woman at least one time in your life?




P.S.--  Hugs and Kisses, you little snugglebuns sex machine!!


#6    connecian

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Posted 12 December 2003 - 04:20 AM

(((((( snuffy)))))




QUOTE
Head colds, mosquitoes and doilies were invented?



Also doilies were invented who knows..but it is s a lost art that I love to work on
( I was taught my grandfathers sister)

QUOTE
A low cut blouse can cut a man's IQ in half before you can blink?

This one I LOVE!!!! Shoppping anyone? I need some new blouses  wink2.gif  

I will give you my heart
but please be careful
do not break it
for it is fragile

#7    Nancy

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Posted 12 December 2003 - 09:48 PM

Speaking of Snuffy, where the HECK is he?

I've posted on another thread, asking, but so far? Nothing! He and gonzowalker have disappeared..........  crying.gif

I know Snuffs was really ill...... does anyone have an update?
Thanks.....
n

dying is easy ... tis the living that's hard...

#8    The Krow

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 07:42 PM

I dont wonder why...the only thing i wonder about is why they give me a reciept for a donut...You give me the donut, i give you the money...End of transaction, we dont need to bring paper and ink into this...Why do i need a reciept, to prove to a sceptical friend "Dont even act like i didnt buy that Donut, i got the documentation right here...no, wait, its at home, in the files, under D, for donut"

I have morals, they're just subject to revision as the situation dictates.

Myspace...

This Is The Cancer From My Cellular Phone
That Emits Radiation Which Destroys My Brain
This Is The Cancer From My Television Screen
Which Reports The Danger While It Does The Same
So Can We Free Ourselves, From The Threat Of Death

Posted Image

#9    Nancy

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 08:22 PM

Krow...........  grin2.gif
I agree! Although? I think it's the other way around..... YOU give them the $$ and only then do they sell you the donut.

As for the receipt? I think it has something to do with "inventory".........  

dying is easy ... tis the living that's hard...

#10    The Krow

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 08:26 PM

I was a joke done by Mitch Hedberg...a very, very funny man...

I have morals, they're just subject to revision as the situation dictates.

Myspace...

This Is The Cancer From My Cellular Phone
That Emits Radiation Which Destroys My Brain
This Is The Cancer From My Television Screen
Which Reports The Danger While It Does The Same
So Can We Free Ourselves, From The Threat Of Death

Posted Image

#11    Tess

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Posted 15 December 2003 - 08:06 PM

"We'll order three chili dogs, a large order of onion rings and a Diet Coke? "

Have you ever been out somewhere eating and it's always the heaviest women that order a "diet" coke with their meal?Do you ever have to fight the urge to say something to them about it?I mean,why bother with the diet coke if you're gonna eat all the other fattening stuff?.........or,at the other end of the spectrum,it's anorexic women that weigh about 85 or 90 lbs.that order the diet drinks??Why?I just don't get it! wacko.gif


All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher."
~Ambrose Bierce~

#12    Tess

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Posted 21 December 2003 - 12:08 AM

I just realized what i said about heavy and anorexic people was kinda mean and not funny........oops! sorry!

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher."
~Ambrose Bierce~

#13    tired_dad

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Posted 04 January 2004 - 05:21 PM

I used to eat three chili dogs with everything and a diet coke before going into a packed meeting. ohmy.gif

1. It was great to stand around and look at others with a smirk on my face as if to say "I know it was you who did that!". ph34r.gif

2. After a little bit of that the meeting seemed to end a lot faster. whistling2.gif

3. It takes so little to amuse me in my old age. rolleyes.gif

4. Who needed the credit card for low cut blouses? w00t.gif  w00t.gif  thumbsup.gif  


#14    sabretooth

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Posted 19 January 2004 - 02:43 PM

yes is there life after  blink.gif life?


#15    Sweetpumper

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Posted 19 January 2004 - 08:08 PM

Why does Home Depot has the best hot dogs?

"At it's most basic level, science is supposed to represent the investigation of the unexplained, not the explanation of the uninvestigated." - Hunt for the Skinwalker

"The ultimate irony of the Disclosure movement is that it deeply distrusts officialdom, while simultaneously looking to officialdom for the truth." - Robbie Graham Silver Screen Saucers




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