Jump to content




Welcome to Unexplained Mysteries! Please sign in or create an account to start posting and to access a host of extra features.


- - - - -

The Fatebringer


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1    thepsychoticseaotter

thepsychoticseaotter

    Conspiracy Theorist

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 963 posts
  • Joined:12 Jul 2003
  • Location:Missouri

  • Ice, Snow, Blood and Iron!!!

Posted 30 November 2003 - 01:55 AM


Deleted...see latest post by author.




Ravens KeepA forum for Classic D&D, AD&D and the upcoming Castles and Crusades.

Soon it's over, all the dwarfs defeated
The silence of the caverns stand still
Orcs took the command of the caves and depths
The darklord has reached his will ---Battlelore

Fill my mug, I just want to forget
All the troubles and fighting
And the ghosts in my head --Battlelore

#2    Kryso

Kryso

    Always watching...

  • Member
  • 3,943 posts
  • Joined:21 Sep 2003
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:England

  • Truth titillates the imagination far less than fiction.

Posted 04 December 2003 - 03:07 AM

Iím impressed. I enjoyed reading this!  


#3    thepsychoticseaotter

thepsychoticseaotter

    Conspiracy Theorist

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 963 posts
  • Joined:12 Jul 2003
  • Location:Missouri

  • Ice, Snow, Blood and Iron!!!

Posted 05 December 2003 - 12:42 AM

Thank you.  

Ravens KeepA forum for Classic D&D, AD&D and the upcoming Castles and Crusades.

Soon it's over, all the dwarfs defeated
The silence of the caverns stand still
Orcs took the command of the caves and depths
The darklord has reached his will ---Battlelore

Fill my mug, I just want to forget
All the troubles and fighting
And the ghosts in my head --Battlelore

#4    thefirstman

thefirstman

    Psychic Spy

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,007 posts
  • Joined:08 Nov 2003
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Stirling

  • Finding inner peace through outer rage.

Posted 06 December 2003 - 11:48 PM

That was a very interesting read,i like this a lot!

Posted Image


"if we fight for money,I'll stop hitting you when you ask me to. If we fight for honour,I'll stop hitting you when I feel like it" Royce Gracie

#5    doomgirl

doomgirl

    Government Agent

  • Member
  • 3,323 posts
  • Joined:14 Dec 2003
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Australia

Posted 15 December 2003 - 01:24 PM

Excellent work Otter, I took great pleasure reading it, speaking as a writer myself. It's nice to read others creativeness.

sorry forgot to add this bit, not picking, but somethings just don't sound right, but other then that it's very good and can't wait to read more  grin2.gif  grin2.gif

QUOTE
At first she had paid it no mind to the dreams

QUOTE
the jewelry she would need and picked up a long staff newly made

QUOTE
Watching in horror, she tried to turn her eyes from the horror. (second use of horror)

QUOTE
Shavonnes features were hid by a covering of blood and dirt (try using hidden or concealled)

QUOTE
The part of the face not hid by the cloak was covered by a dark mask (same thing)

QUOTE
The other two walked on Julian joined them as they entered the settlement. (needs a comma)

QUOTE
After here sudden suspension† (spelling error)

QUOTE
the structure was built open surrounded by just† (missing something)

QUOTE
His face hid by a stone mask† (use of hid)



wub.gif Doomie

Spaceflight News - UM's Sister Site - Join Us

It ain't fittin'... it ain't fittin'. It jes' ain't fittin'... It ain't fittin'
Do I look like a freakin' people person?
All Things Wrestling Forum
Arts, Crafts N Gardens Forum

Computer Support Forum
Amby's Forum
Panda.org - WWF
Posted Image

#6    thepsychoticseaotter

thepsychoticseaotter

    Conspiracy Theorist

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 963 posts
  • Joined:12 Jul 2003
  • Location:Missouri

  • Ice, Snow, Blood and Iron!!!

Posted 16 December 2003 - 12:30 AM

Thanks Doomie,  wub.gif , Like I said before it's an early version The rewrite while slow is doing much better...

Ravens KeepA forum for Classic D&D, AD&D and the upcoming Castles and Crusades.

Soon it's over, all the dwarfs defeated
The silence of the caverns stand still
Orcs took the command of the caves and depths
The darklord has reached his will ---Battlelore

Fill my mug, I just want to forget
All the troubles and fighting
And the ghosts in my head --Battlelore

#7    doomgirl

doomgirl

    Government Agent

  • Member
  • 3,323 posts
  • Joined:14 Dec 2003
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Australia

Posted 16 December 2003 - 06:54 AM

Hi Seaotter

YW, just hope you didn't think I was picking, I know I like it when someone tells me what they think and what they don't understand, and I enjoyed it very much, I think I had dreams about it last night.

wub.gif Doomie


Spaceflight News - UM's Sister Site - Join Us

It ain't fittin'... it ain't fittin'. It jes' ain't fittin'... It ain't fittin'
Do I look like a freakin' people person?
All Things Wrestling Forum
Arts, Crafts N Gardens Forum

Computer Support Forum
Amby's Forum
Panda.org - WWF
Posted Image

#8    thepsychoticseaotter

thepsychoticseaotter

    Conspiracy Theorist

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 963 posts
  • Joined:12 Jul 2003
  • Location:Missouri

  • Ice, Snow, Blood and Iron!!!

Posted 10 January 2004 - 11:10 PM

Never doomie. wub.gif  Sorry It took so long to respond I have been doing reasearch on the  Rewrite as well as working on the overall story arc.

I do have the outline done and it will be alot different than the short story!!! I am very excited and have had alot of good feedback on this story as well.

Incidentally I am prepairing In the Markets of Marripesh for submission to a magazine . I have a good feeling on that as well.

So now all I need some suggestions on both stories.

And if you want we can discuss the rewrite here as well.

Thanks

Josh.


P.S. doomie, I'm falttered to hear you dreamed of it.  

Ravens KeepA forum for Classic D&D, AD&D and the upcoming Castles and Crusades.

Soon it's over, all the dwarfs defeated
The silence of the caverns stand still
Orcs took the command of the caves and depths
The darklord has reached his will ---Battlelore

Fill my mug, I just want to forget
All the troubles and fighting
And the ghosts in my head --Battlelore

#9    thepsychoticseaotter

thepsychoticseaotter

    Conspiracy Theorist

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 963 posts
  • Joined:12 Jul 2003
  • Location:Missouri

  • Ice, Snow, Blood and Iron!!!

Posted 31 January 2004 - 08:47 PM

Sorry guys but I've made too many changes to it to keep the story here.

I am working on a new short one that encompasses parts of the changes so you'll see what I am doing soon. ( I hope)


If your interested in reading it e-mail me and I will see what I can do.





Ravens KeepA forum for Classic D&D, AD&D and the upcoming Castles and Crusades.

Soon it's over, all the dwarfs defeated
The silence of the caverns stand still
Orcs took the command of the caves and depths
The darklord has reached his will ---Battlelore

Fill my mug, I just want to forget
All the troubles and fighting
And the ghosts in my head --Battlelore




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users