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i need your opinion


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12 replies to this topic

#1    Forsaken Hero

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 02:34 AM

im in a band thats just starting out...  we are an emo/ screamo/ metal band   and me and the bass player wrote some lyrics....

i was wondering if u guys thought they were any good...

                                      Here's the plan.
                              
I saw an angel today. standing atop a revolving black light burning down the world. it watches the children as there flesh melts like candles in a death ridden black out. move along to a new time. grab a gun and let the bullets fly. no one cares. everyone will die. sometime. cut the crap and be a man.  its everyone for themselves, time to kill. There’s no turning back now. Everyone sees life in a whole new way, bodies filled with lead implants of destruction, the cast iron framework melts into an aluminum lifeline, being corroded by the light. as I stand there. shaking with pride. knowing I just did everything the world needed. (everything the world needed)
                                                                                   - Forsaken Hero


#2    tendo

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 05:35 AM

well...it sounds like itd be a killer song!! very awesome...but what is the symbolism? up until the part where u start killin ppl, i thought that u were talkin about the hole in the ozone layer...but then u kinda lost me. could u give us some background information as to what its about?


#3    DCSHOECOUSA

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 05:41 AM

i  like just about all music I seen a  few lines that rhymed. I  like rhymes better to me those lyrics are ok....
Raiting of 1 -  10  I give it  3 whistling2.gif  

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#4    Tess

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 06:40 AM

I think it sounds pretty gnarl! thumbsup.gif  

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#5    The Krow

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 08:16 PM

its ok...its not the greatest...but...you know...

I have morals, they're just subject to revision as the situation dictates.

Myspace...

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That Emits Radiation Which Destroys My Brain
This Is The Cancer From My Television Screen
Which Reports The Danger While It Does The Same
So Can We Free Ourselves, From The Threat Of Death

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#6    Jera

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 08:28 PM

I think it sounds really good. Would like to hear it with music...

I'll be here...

Why?

I'll be waiting… here

For what?

I´ll be waiting here for you…so...

If you come here, you will
find me.

I Promise

#7    Forsaken Hero

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 09:28 PM

the song is about how there are way to many people in places they shouldnt be  (not trying to stereotype or generalize)    like how african americans,  should be in africa and arabs should be in the middle eastern area,   so what the world needs is the seperation of the people and were gonna do it in a very violent way    mthe bass player wrote the sog,  and he's very violent   so dont hold me a ccountable for how violent this song is   i wrote the part....

"Everyone sees life in a whole new way, bodies filled with lead implants of destruction, the cast iron framework melts into an aluminum lifeline, being corroded by the light. "

thats what i contributed,   kinda like the band Thursday,  but not as good

and um,  not all songs rhyme, none of the bands we like have rhymes in there songs ( boys night out, from auntumn to ashes, fordirelifesake)   maybe a few rhymes  but not many.....

sry if i come off as being a horrible racist person,  didnt mean it that way



#8    Forsaken Hero

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 09:29 PM

im no good at typing,  sorry,   try to put it together



#9    The Krow

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 09:48 PM

okey doekey then

I have morals, they're just subject to revision as the situation dictates.

Myspace...

This Is The Cancer From My Cellular Phone
That Emits Radiation Which Destroys My Brain
This Is The Cancer From My Television Screen
Which Reports The Danger While It Does The Same
So Can We Free Ourselves, From The Threat Of Death

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#10    moe eubleck

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 09:50 PM

a song about segregation? that'll go over like a fart in church.  rolleyes.gif  

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#11    thefirstman

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Posted 13 December 2003 - 09:55 PM

The lyrics are ok,i prefer a bit more clarity in the lyrics,but hidden clarity,behind metaphors etc.but i think it would make a good song. thumbsup.gif  

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#12    joc

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Posted 15 December 2003 - 06:41 AM

'Tis my personal opinion dude, that if the lyrics of a song carry the message without further explanation then the lyrics rock.  If it only makes sense to you, then........i guess you rock.....but alone in a closet somewhere.  blink.gif  Just Kidding.

The Lyrics are OK.  Not Great.  But OK.  Just remember  that the lyrics don't, won't carry the song...they carry the message of the song.  The MUSIC carries the song.  The music IS the song.  Good Luck

Joc

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#13    doomgirl

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Posted 15 December 2003 - 02:20 PM

Sounds like the world the way it is today and like Joc said

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