How confident are you?

I know that some people believe that the real reason others frequent message boards such as this one is because they lack the confidence to speak out in real life. While this might be true for some, I do know a few people here who seem very confident both online and in real life.

So, how confident are you?

And if so, what do you base this confidence on?

I have no confidence, I really don't, nothing about me is forth coming or willing to speak out in front of others. Besides the fact: I stutter, mumble, and forget what I am saying. Hahaha, I suck.
The reason I got a profile on here was simply to gain more knowledge and actually to get better conversational skills, I have posted a couple topics, none of them that great, and the fact is, I am just beginning, I don't care if they are dumb topics, because my knowledge will grow and hopefully I will post topics of true interest.

What about you?

Im confident when it comes to my career and job, dealing with coworkers, superiors and the public. When I'm not 'on the clock'...I'm very reclusive...I'm not an 'in-your-face-happy-go-lucky-people-person', but I hold my own. As for visiting forums ((UM is the only forum I visit)), surfing the net....is that the majority of my job is spent on the computer. So when I sign onto the net, its become a habit to log into UM and during that time; I have the chance to switch between windows and make a few posts thoughout the day.

I have a lot's of confidence, although most of it may be baseless. Who cares?

The thing is that I try to lead a dynamic life in what I do, in what I say and all that I am. But that can't be me all the time. In the last few years my persona has grown and I've begun to leave an impression.

One thing I've learned is to drop the fear!

If I want to get what I want in my heart then I can't be afraid to reach for it, now can I?

So, see Robinette, you're reaching for what it is that you want by gaining the knowlege that you need and posting is all part of that.

Right? So, good for you. Who dares wins!

And N.C...

a few posts? if the word "few" is french for 14000 then yes, you have a few

just as confident as I can be is just as insecure. just as outgoing is just as reclusive. seriously.

Now I really only have one friend that I'm in somewhat consistent contact with who believes in honor and one's word as well as boundaries . ( since cutting out all the fairweather ones. you'd be amazed at who we keep around ourselves ,why and for what price. I used to have 'friends' until I realized they only called when they were broke or their car needed work - it wasn't give give relationships and it was my own doing. no self esteem makes one a door mat)

But I have given speeches and don't mind doing so. Have taught privately and don't mind that ( but I'm not a good teacher - I'm harsh) Have been in a couple community plays (small parts) in the past.

yet now can go weeks without talking physically to a soul.




the most courageous people shake in their boots

No qualms with my confidence at any time, though I tend to be cautious with unknown situations. But my motto is : I believe in God and in me, in exactly that order.

The thing is to be able to put the fear aside and don't let it own you.

As far as being secure goes I really have to wonder who in this world is totally secure in everything about themselves?

But insecurity I feel, is like fear in that you have to be able to put it aside. It'll always be with you and maybe that isn't such a bad thing because it's always good to be a bit humble. But to overcome it is to ascend.

And really, like they say, "if you have something that you're proud of, run it up a flagpole and see who salutes it"

And it's so much more than just a brave face, it really has to be real. Like the man said...

"There's a difference between being a poseur and being someone who's so emotionally challenged they're kind of just doing their best to show you what they've got." -

-- Billy corgan

That I do.

Hmm this is a nice question for me.

Sometimes i can be very confident, others im a total sucker. It depends who is im talking too. Some people can intimidate me and that's when i will be very uncomfortbale talking with them. In other situations, like maybe dealing with friendly people, i can be very confident, even if i dont know them that much. First impressions can influence my confidence alot.

But as an overall person i really wish to boost up my confidence. I think confidence is absoultely related to self esteem. If one's self esteem is high, then confidence will surely show up.

I love that, it's so true.

That's one big thing for me, I'd never want to intimidate anyone. True self esteem isn't born from tearing down anothers'. Luckily I'm a naturally relaxed human because there's nothing more annoying that that In your face attitude that some people try to cultivate.

It can come from almost anything but for some people it still eludes them. I know some tremendously talented people who are so unbelievably shy, it's really hard for me to understand. But then again you meet the total bores who hold themselves in the highest regard. You really want to ask them,

"where do you get this unfounded sense of your own self worth?"

But as I said earlier, my own self esteem may be unfounded as well

so really, what do I know?

Hmm...I have confidence when I know what I'm talking about. I have the hardest time saying 'Hello, how are you?' if I don't know the person. However, I can very easily speak my mind or launch into a full blown debate if the circumstances call for it with quite a bit of confidence. However, if someone is trying to talk to me about something that I don't know anything about...Well, not much confidence there. I'm naturally shy, but I have absolutely no problem standing up for myself. A couple of times my voice has been shaking and I felt like hiding in a corner, but that's one thing that I'm not going to lie down and take. If someone is trying to do something unjust to me, or my friends, you'll have a hard time getting me to shut my mouth.

Confidence was never really an issue for me, strangely enough, because I've always been self-confident to the point of near-narcissism. What I struggled with for years was this strange kind of shyness. As I said before, it didn't come from lack of confidence so much as it came from a worry that no one would actually accept me as I am...I wouldn't hesitate now to say that I'm very much a bizarre individual but at the time I was scared of expressing that individual, so I hid it under various layers.

It really just took time and practice to get over that. There's still moments where I'll suddenly get a first grade flashback (or something along those lines) but for the most part, I can easily carry on a conversation with just about anybody about almost anything, very confidently. It really does make me wish I could go back to the past for a minute, say "Hi" and tell myself as a kid that "This is you in the future, just be patient, keep trying and eventually you'll make it."

Very cool!

And your sig image is very appropriate for this thread

funny

Yea i know what u mean, i saw a bunch of those people in my life ''total bores who hold themselves in the highest regard''. From my experience those people most of the time act like that because in fact they want to fool themselves that they are something they're not. They want to feel important and they end up over-acting upon themselves, in plain words bluffing.

This people really get into my nerves because they just can't accept what are their limits and they end up fooling themselves

And yes than you find really talented people who just don't believe in themselves, creating very low confidence, and hence deprieving themselves to show their true abilities to others...

I guess its all in the mind. We make of ourselves what we think we are.

I really liked this post because I can relate to it to some degree. I'm very confident and yet I still recede when it comes to approaching things sometimes. Women for example, it can still be tough for me to approach a woman and I still am somewhat surprised when one approaches me. for whatever reason. As I stated in another thread earlier, I'm always the last to know when I'm being hit on by a woman.

Yeah, it's as if certain things can suddenly slide right past the confidence.

The best example for for me is something that occasionally happens in group situations. For instance, I might be in a large group of friends and suddenly the conversation might turn in such a direction that everyone is teasing me for a second; normally I wouldn't mind, especially if it's in a very light manner but at other times I can just suddenly close up like a box. In that circumstance, even though I know that everyone is just kidding around, there's this strange paranoia inside me that makes me just want to disappear into thin air for a moment.

When I was very small (4/5 years old) I was so shy, I would hide behind the sofa if we had visitors and when we had a new teacher one day, I hid behind the old one and it took weeks before I would even speak to the new teacher lol.

As I grew older, I very slowly, gained a bit of confidence, but it never really came to the fore until about ten years ago.

Now I am quite confident and do not suffer from shyness nor do I worry very much about opening my big gob and saying what I think

However, having said that, I can be tactful and when it comes to work, I know when to keep my mouth shut.

Confidence, I think, comes with age and it can be so very difficult for young people at times, that's for sure.

Very true, the really wild thing is how some people use material things on which to base their worth. I have a cousin who really doesnt take care of himself, he's such an untidy individual, just an absolute mess. But he buys these sunglasses that cost like $100-150 bucks and that pair of shades just works like magic on him.

He doesn't even comb his hair when he wears them, but he walks around so inflated, it's funny.

I see these guys driving down the street with that car wrapped around them like it's all they'll ever need to be cool.

But what happens when you park?

wow, this is a cool thread everyone ticks really differently and while there are things in common it is all for different reasons..i like it!

i pose as confident as much off the forums as i do on...my inquisitiveness can be to the point of irritating for some i think...i am a TOTAL loner...i am "supposedly" confident enough not to need any support or friends, but the truth is i am shy and scared. I go to many parties and things like that, and i enjoy myself, but i manage to do it without too much socialising, alot of boystrous foolery which everyone loves me for, but this is not what i would say was socialising...it is almost an avoidance...i am not a pub chat sort a girl...i only feel comfortable to be calm with close friends, and if they arnt around i fear clinging to anyone else or being part of a group. i guess i avoid groups by demonstrating my independents to alienate. This puts me in a position where i do and say everything for my personal quests without a worry what others think i will be very productive and confident in group discussion off line and in public and am unafraid of asking for advice or asserting myself...it is ironic that this is feuled by a sort of deep seated insecurity/alienation...but hey it works.

I would say i was more of an actor, but i am so good at it i can even convince myself

NICE ONE!
nn23

You bring up some great points which I hadn't really considered. So much of being, or at least appearing confident is how you hold yourself. I am a total health fanatic and so physically my appearance is that of strength which would come off as confident without saying a word. But wether thats something that I want to naturally project is an entirely different matter. I'm very comfortable with my looks but that isn't really what I feel the most proud of. I lift weights but really what do muscles matter unless Im confident in moving things that are heavy. And no one ever wants to wrestle me, but again, is that my loss?
So my point is to ask where confidence comes into play? Is it at the point where you think about how other perceive you? Is that what tells you that you're good enough, or is it all dwelling deep within yourself and thats where the knowing resides?

And as far as that which is fueled by insecurity, I do think that all that you become and all that you master really does stem from what you've been through. And perhaps those insecurities are merely shells that you might shed one day, once you see that what you are is more than your fears.

Great post NN!

LOL!!

This is the only forum I come to and it's because it's fairly fast moving, great subjects, nice variety of opinions/beliefs.

Nothing to do with confidence.

I was really shy in school even high-school. I'm still not good at meeting new people. But since I quit school I'm a lot more confident, I'll walk up to people in pubs and stuff and introduce myself (more than likely the alcohol helps, lol) But my overrall confidence I think is pretty good these days.
I like who I am and dont let anyone tell me different even though I'm not the most tactful person in the world.

Verrrry cool!!

just made me think of this thats all, may edit more thoughts in tomorrow, i am SO tired!!!

fear and courage are brothers ~ Proverb

how much are confidence and insecurity a perpetuation unto each other...and if so, does that make the nature of "true" confidence something different from what we percieve and catagorise it to be....mmm...i guess perhaps "true" confidence is just love?? but thats sooooooooo cliched LOL !!!!

When I was a kid I was extremely shy and had a lot of self esteem issues. Once I hit my teens all that went away. I have my bad days but in the end, I love life.

Bad part is I have a hard time making friends irl because people dislike my confidence and instantly label me/hate me. It's a nice and rare feeling when people take a minute to actually talk to me and learn that I'm really not that terrible.

Yeah I can definately relate to that.

I am a conundrum. I can be both painfully shy and veraciously bold. It just depends on the subject, the group and my mood at the time. (And whether or not I am intoxicated at the time.) Lol.

I actually have a lot of confidence on and off the "boards".

I work in a visible job where I'm in front of a lot of people all the time, I'm not easily intimidated, I am rarely impressed by anyone elses social status. I'm outgoing with friends and strangers (I'll talk to anyone anywhere)... I probably sound a little bit more aggressive here on these boards than I am in real life. In real life, I'm pretty kick back, but have no problem taking charge either. I'm even pretty hard to embarass. haha.

You have always come across to me as pretty confident, you have a very cool air about you. And this is just from reading your posts because I don't really know you.

Which goes back to what I was saying about the way that you carry yourself, it's both physically and the way you come across to others with your words.

That's funny that you say that because that's a lot like I've perceived you. It's good that you say that as well because I think that people should really be themselves either here or in real life.

Unless they're jerks here, because in real life people can and will take a swing at you.

But no one mentions where they get their confidence.

I'm kind of like what you see is what you get.

Kind of wild...okay very wild child...but not really BAD or NASTY. I think I'm bold. I have no problems talking to compete strangers and do so everyday; especially if they look down and out...and then I smile. I love it when people smile back at me. Sheesh I sound like a big dork, eh??

Oh yes, I'm 5 foot 10; so some people are intimidated by my height. I don't allow them be intimidated. I talk to them first.

I speak somewhat gentle; but when I'm drunk I'm like a wild sailor; trash-talking; lamp-shade-wearing clown. Yea, I'm a dork allright.

I don't reveal my "inner" thoughts on a lot of things because well, I just don't want to... so people just see me as the fun party girl. Many have no idea I even have a brain!! LMAO.

I do protect myself during social events and at certain parties (until I get drunk) as to not focus on anything negative. I'm VERY positive but not to the point of gag reflux. Ummmm, I'm VERY silly. I always am laughing.

I treat very single person I know the same way...from the homeless (where I do charity stuff) to the President of million and/or billion dollar companies (from my work life) I feel I'm very respectful. Oh and I'm too forgiving but whatever.

I've been "used" before...I'm very giving...BUT I know I when I am being used and I don't mind. It's cool. I can sense it like a bloodhound. I feel it's better to give than to receive; forgive and try to forget.

Ugh...and I go off on tangents sometimes. Like I did right now. Sorry!!!! Jody ♥

I couldn't use your whole quote, it wouldnt let me. It said something about needing a larger monitor!

kidding

It's obvious that you have confidence, you took this board by storm and I don't know anyone else who is more universally liked as much as you are.

And a lot of that goes down to the way that you treat people but I think it does take confidence to share what you have and to give of yourself so much.

You do come across as smart though.

Aweeeeeeeeeee shucks GV...THANKS!! I♥U, Jody

I am a confident person on and off the boards. I try to make sure I don't cross the line of confidence to cockiness. I am a very easy going person and don't take things or myself to seriously. I am more than capable at laughing at myself. I am pretty good at conversation and easy to talk to and I usually try to make people feel good about themselves when talking with them. That is kind of hard to explain though, you might just have to know what I am trying to say.

I suppose it mostly comes from my folks if I had to guess. My sister is a lot like me. My daughter is like me in that respect too (except she's quiet, I'm a motor mouth--but she is definitely confident and also lacks the gene for being embarassed. haha.)

I guess we were never told that we had to be embarassed for much... and we were always told that the worst anyone would do was tell us to buzz off or tell us "no" ... I think that inspires confidence.

Like when you used to think "She is out to get me man!" about me, I never figured out what was so scary about me, maybe it was in my eyes.

I think I have that as well, at least the latter part about people buzzing you off, I hate to be passed over. I never ever want to be ordinary or to be looked at as such. It's not that I feel that I'm better than everyone one else but I do know that I've pushed what I've got further than a lot of people push theirs.

I want to be better than myself.

My Moms family was never really very artistic so as soon as she saw that in me she really tended it well. She did give me a lot of my confidence, and still does.

It's not like I try to impress but I do try to leave an impression.

Well that's because you're just so blunt and honest about everything, haha. Really, most people just skitter around the truth in an annoying way...something that you don't do and ironically enough, neither does my girlfriend now--it's actually a great quality but it took a little while to get used to.

I'm sorry I missed this post because I just got a mental image of that kitten and that chicken thing drunk.

I had a lot of kitten friends who drank... it was just sad

Are you insulting me?

Not at all, it was the kitten picture that made me laugh.

I'm sorry, I would never insult you

Nope GV is one of my first and truest friends here. He's not making fun of you hun

I'm both confident, and non-confident

it just depends on the day, the time, the subject, the person and all that other stuff. But I do think that I'm pretty strong. and very determind.
so that makes up for the 50/50 confident.

I have a great deal of confidence in my opinions, however I lack confidence in communication unless it's with people whom I feel comfortable around, which can take me a while.

I'd definitely say I'd come across as more confident over the internet as I feel absolutely unselfconscious.

I feel extremely "confident" and consider myself a very strong person , I take pride in all that I accomplish in a course of a day..if you can't do it right, just don't do it at all... MY motto.....

My father was very overprotective, he taught me not to take anything for granted...He was and still is my mentor, I feel he still watches over me...



glassvampire......you have given me more....than I ever thought was humanily possible...

I am very confident both on and off line. I base my confidence on the fact that my views, feelings and opinions are no less relevant or worthwhile than anyone else's. I've always been like this. I was lucky to have parents that instilled confidence and a feeling of not being afraid to try new things, in both of their children.

I can totally relate to that

Like I mentioned before, I'm not an 'in-your-face-happy-go-lucky' type of person...I'm very quiet and that always gets me labelled as ''mean''. People automatically think I'm a mean person, just because I'm quiet. And when they do take the time to talk to me and find out that I'm not a horrible person, they're like ''I thought you were real mean, but you're really nice to talk to''....

I think i'm confident, well, i manage to fool myself more times then not that i'm confident but i'm far from forthcoming. If i can avoid talking to people or socializing i will. I'm more then confident when it comes to looking after myself or discussing subjects close to my heart, and if i see someone who's being threatened or is seen as a bit odd (tramp or drug addict etc) i grow in confidence immediately and want to talk to them (that's only because i've walked in their shoes so i can relate).

Generally though i just tend to keep my mouth shut, stand in the background and avoid any type of attention.

Edit - i didn't mean i was a drug addict, more that i moved in those circles.