What are your guys' thoughts on male/female friendships? Do you think they are possible?

I mean close friendships, not just people you get along well with.

Personally I dont think I could do it.

Hey

Yes i think its possible . i have lots of friends but four best friends one is a guy and we have been friends since i was 7 and im 28 now and i can honestly say in all that time there has never been any problem. Its like having another older brother .

We get on well share the same interests . make each other laugh. He comes by my house sleeps over . watches my kids while i go out with the boyfriend. he comes along on our holidays now and again . He is married with a child of his own . my boyfriend has no problem with it nor does his wife . Never a problem there so yes it is very possible .

And no we have never so much as loooked at each other in any other way other than being friends.

My boyfriend has a female friend who he met at college four years ago and there relationship is the same. i respect that and it doesnt bother me in the slightest .

blessings SS79 x x x

well, I'm male, and (when I have ever had any friends, which isn't all that often, admittedly) i think I've got along better with females, I think. Though admittedly they've tended not to be the kind who are mainly interested in shopping and gossip about celebrities, and have been more interested in the kind of stuff that I'm interested in, like tanks and things.

"What are your guys' thoughts on male/female friendships? Do you think they are possible?"

No, they are not.

I'm sorry to hear that. *offers hug*

Yes. Respect and common sence bounderies. A shoulder to cry on or mate that drinks beer. lol

Very possible, I have more female than male friends. Understanding that friends does not mean "the same" helps.

well my best friend is a guy and ive been friends since i met him in yr 6 were now in yr8.It gets annoying when he has a girl friend cause she will accuse him of cheating..lol.
or when he hangs with his other friends which are guys cause i usualy dont have any one else then..
another of my good friends is also a guy but hes older than me and live in munich...but we get on well fine i can tell him anything and he always understands=)

Whats the point of trying to become friends with someone if you're going to make boundries with them? Also if you're setting up boundries with them you're obviously not close friends.

I guess it would be possible though if both people made a conscious effort to make sure it never went beyond friends. But I dont think putting that kind of effort into keeping a friend is worth it though.

It's very possible to have a mix of genders as friends. In fact my best friend is a guy.. We've been friends for *coughs* years. Both of us are married to different people and it's no heart burn to either of our spouses that we are friends in fact I introduced him to his wife and am the Godmother of their child. Sure there were comments over the years of people who thought that there was some frisky business going on (Ugh! Kiss my brother *shudders*) and I told them just because they couldn't conceive of or have a relationship between genders that was strictly friends wasn't my problem.

Regards,
Mabon.

At least he's being honest.

Of course men and women can be friends...close friends. I had to laugh when I saw the title, but it's a good topic of discussion.

What specifically is the OP asking? Can we see past gender? I've read several POVs here from men who say they couldn't be close friends with women, without being 'tempted'. It reminded me of this, lol:



From the movie: When Harry Met Sally


Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.

Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.

Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.

Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.



edit/typo

LOL Inner Space....I'm older than dirt, and through the years I have had my share of "guy" friends, and that's just what they were, friends...From high school on, I always seemed to mix better with the males than the females....Now it's a mix of both. My hubby also has alot of female friends, and neither one of us has ever had any problems with this...Now if jealousy was to have played a part then it would be a different story...But when you trust someone, and have no reason to doubt, then to me it's just fine.

sure we can. one of my bestfriend are one of cutest chick in college. we being friend like.. 5 years
we share almost everything.


yepp.. that is the biggest temptation.

That Harry met Sally quote...is closer to the truth than most men will admit.

Guys can be just friends with gals, but only if they have enough willpower. It's harder than it looks.

The fact the you are tempted OCCASIONALLY doesn't mean you can't be friends. If you're so sexually attracted that you can barely make sense of what the other person is saying, that's kind of problematic. Some friendships aren't possible because the sexuality blots everything else out. But (except maybe when you're very young) that's generally only a few specific people.

I also don't think that sexuality and friendship are mutually exclusive. I've gotten to be good long term friends with several ex-lovers. I think that when you have a good marriage your spouse is your best friend. People who've been married 30 years aren't drowning in a sea of sexual passion. It's the profundity of their friendship that makes it most worthwhile.

What if a person is bisexual? Does that mean they can't have any friends at all?

sure its possible, why wouldn't it be?

Most of my friends are guys. Even when I have boyfriends and even when they have girlfriends. I think as long as everyone uses common sense and doesn't try to take the friendship in a direction that the other isn't willing to go, then male/female friendships are no problem.

lol it always makes me laugh, the strategy some men try in an attempt to get laid, by being 'friends' first.

It's creepy, stop it and be a man.

Why am I not surprised by 'your' comment. It's good to know you've got your priorities straight.

So Billy, are you saying that most men are being fake, conniving, and manipulative when they befriend a woman whom they find attractive?

He thinks about it. ALL the men that read that KNOW he thinks about it.

Sure, men and women can be friends. But only if the man is not attracted at all to the women (this is a rarity) or if the man can keep his mind focused on the friendship and not allow himself to succumb to what he really wants.

it just a natural Instinct for a guy even when married,

maybe at 80 it would work?

Surprisingly....I agree with that. All of my guy friends have admitted that THEY HAVE AND DO THINK ABOUT IT. Also, that if I gave them the word, they'd go for it. But, it's just that. They're not in love with me and since I've never given them a hint that they could go there, they don't try it. They at least respect me and the friendship.

I wouldn't say manipulative more subtle.. ie.... men learn...usually the hard way, whatever you do, don't say what really thinking.
ie girl "so, anyway Trevor at work came out today and said he was gay, and like we all cheered and.."
...man.."wooow, that soooo interesting.. good for Trevor..."
what your really thinking "wow, whoopee do..with sugar on top, Trevor's a mincer..god this so boring.. still, nice ass. look interested billy your losing it"
Actually come to think of it, seems these days most girls come... with a gay mate called Trevor and a floppy haired beta male friend called Brian. Brians always.. lurking... looking for crumbs from the table.





smirks...

it is possible. in my life most the friends i had were females. i don't really know why. i just get along better with them then with guys, because basicly as a guy i think guys are dumb and annoying. all guys do really is cuss every other word and talk about sex every 5 minutes to try to prove they are tougher then the next guy. guys use to actually think i was gay talking about hey why do you have all those friends that are girls but you never try to do anything with them? it's possible, but i will tell the truth.....every guy will be thinking about sex with a women......any women. friend, partner at work, boss, nieghbor.....it's a guys instincts. but hell me and my girlfriend were friends before she was my girlfriend so i don't know. yes it sucks but it's possible to have a close friendship with a hot women......especially when she got a boyfriend hanging around her all the time.

It's him! It's the 'Brian' tm

In this life most things are possible,

My best friend is male. Him and I have had a very strong friendship for 10+ years.

Is it possible for males and females to be friends?, yes. But it isn't exactly easy.

One of my closest friends is a strictly platonic relationship with a guy and it's been that way since we first met when we were 15.

He's never been married (although he has a daughter), I was married, but I"m not now, and our friendship still remains just friends. This actually causes problems with people either one of us are dating though. Our respective S/O's have on occasion accused us of being "more than friends". But we just aren't and never will be. We even talked about it once and for some reason, the whole idea of being more than just friend sorta cracked us up... I think we agreed that if we ever tried to date each other, I'd probably end up killin' him. haha.

We've seen each other through a lot of hard times, I think of him like the brother I never had, he thinks of me as the sibling he never had. He's mostly known as a self-centered jerk to most of the people that know him, I think he is sometimes too... BUT, he's oddly the one person I've been able to call on for 25 years, who I know will be there if I need him, and the reverse it true as well.

Okay this thread has both made me burst into laughter AND feel quite ill...

I was raised in a very athletic family with 2 older brother's. I have also been involved in many sports (co-ed team's as an adult). I have always been surrounded by guys and I have WAY more guy friends than girlfriends. I AM ONE OF THE GUYS.

I actually get along better with guys. I cuss like a sailor sometimes, love watching sports on TV (and I'm an ESPN.com freak), I'm like just open and I don't care. I openly talk about ton's of things with guys; on the level of being friends. I tell guys I love them all the time (but I don't mean lustful or romantically). Heck some of my guy friends and I joke over which girls are hotter and stuff...UGH.

To think they may think about me intimately or sexually just made me kinda sick. Not possible in my world. I'm just the snotty-nosed younger sister of 2 brother's who love sports and has ton's of male friends. END.

You know I didn't want to add to this thread but this post is what I was going to say. I think its perfectly fine for a guy and a girl to be friends. But can it sustain? Only if you are willing to deal with all the crap people throw your way suggesting that there must be something "more" to the relationship.

For me I have always gotten along better with men. I have a classmate right now who is a married Pakistani man and he's quasi friends with my husband and I adore his wife. I think that even if a guy thinks about fooling around with the woman its just a natural reaction, it doesn't mean he's going to act on it.

But from the female side I don't understand why the woman is thought to secretly lust after the guy. Unless the guy is some hot stud I don't see why that would be the case. 9 times out of 10 though the guy looks like Ray Romano or Jim Belushi and the women are accused of "playing with fire"

ha ha indeed. Trust me, he retreated to this position when it started to look as if he was going to be rejected. Beleive me, if you are a fully formed female with no disfigurement, he will sleep with you if given a real chance. He thinks about it and just keeps it in check.



No he doesn't. He might value your friendship enough that he's comfortable with you thinking that, but trust me, it ain't so.

He obviously values the friendship too much to risk losing you over sex. But don't think he doesn't think about it.


No you're not.




Well, sorry, becasue at least most of them do. The things you mentioned that you think make you less attractive to the guys only make you more attractive to some guys.

You are in a social construct that makes sex and sexual advances toward you off-limits to this group. But make no mistake about it, they think about it, at least sometimes.

And that's ok.

You have to understand, a million years of evolutionary biology is not going to be supplanted because you curse and watch sports on tv.

Eww. Not talking about this anymore *puts finger in ears* lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala - I can't hear you.

Yeah it's possible...complicated sometimes...but possible.

its possible for women because they are the brakes. women have the power and have ahd the power for a long time. They look at intimacy in a different light. Guys unless they are true blue gay are always on the make with females. Laying the foundation is almost as important as actually getting with a girl. Even in relationships they work angles with girls so if it craps out they have an options list. Friends is just a precurser to bedfriends.

Stixxman has it right.

No, actually, that's not really the case. You'll notice, the gals and guys here who have very close platonic relationships with the other sex generally have been friends since childhood/teenhood. I think this actually makes it easier.

We go camping together, I spend weekends with him, alone, at his summer house... there are plenty of opportunities to take it to another level, and it simply isn't considered by either one of us. About 5 years ago, he found himself a single, full custody dad to an infant daughter, and I was newly divorced. We actually talked about "playing house" and the whole thought of going there just was I dunno... laughable to us. The whole conversation was a hoot. My personality type doesn't fit with his idea of a "girlfriend" or even a "best friends with benefits scenario". And, he certainly doesn't fit in with my ideas of what that looks like.

He's a good looking guy too, and he has a fairly steady stream of girlfriends. Most of them he doesn't respect, like I said, he's somewhat of an a$$. I think there are only two (three) women he's respected in his entire life... his aunt, his daughter, and me. That's probably what keeps the whole relationship platonic from his point of view. From mine, what keeps it platonic is the fact that well.. he's an a$$. LOL. He's like that jerky little brother (although he's less than a year younger than me lol) that I adore, like only a sister can adore a jerky little brother. haha. He sees me as a the level headed big sister, that will pull not hesitate to pull out the stoppers on him. hahah.

every guy ive known is mr. perfect when their lady is around but as soon as she goes he is on about boobs this and this girl at my work that. There are exceptions out there. If you get cheated on by ten girls in a row you begin to detest the concept. It really puts it into perspective to the point that would never think about it. I can't even joke about the subject thats how strongly I feel. If that has happened to other guys THEY MAY feel the same.......or they become the worst cheaters out there.

possible, but in most cases in general it isn't the default.
depends on alot of the situations and individuals, but I think in most cases it's safe to say the default is the guy wants to be more than friends, for a few minutes at least, and will take the time to get there (asap ). In general.

Ok, if that's what you think.

I think nearly every guy reading this feels that your guy friend wants to sleep with you. He just doesn't because he values the friendship too much. You say youself he's an ass. My guess is that he probably is such an ass that you wouldn't date him, and he knows this. Or he's such an ass that he doesn't have many other real friends, and he is aware of this and so wants to maintain you as a stabilizing factor in his life.



Actually, I think he sees you as a person who will not hesitate to pull out the stoppers on him, and even though he wants to sleep with you, he values you more as a friend. It's a mistake to think that he never entertains the idea of sleeping with you on some level.

But I'm not there. Maybe this is the one guy who bucks male human nature in it's entiretly.

I can't think of one single female friend I wouldn't sleep with if there were no consequences, and likely most other men on this forum would say the same. It's our NATURE. I have never had a female friend I didn't at least think about sleeping with. I think most guys agree with me.

But you know your relationship better than anyone. But I know the male nature, and I still think that he just doesn't make his desire known because he holds other things with you as more valuable.

Anyhow, what does it matter? It surely is possible for men and women to be friends as long as they don't let their sexuality change things.

No. I disagree. Not ALL men think that way. Okay what if your friend, that's a girl is 500 pounds? lmao... still want to sleep with her? Okay I'm exaggerating but NO. Girls and guys CAN be JUST FRIENDS...IMHO.


PS: I have a lot of male friends here... doesn't mean THEY want to sleep with me! C'mon... really now.

Oh, I said before that we actually had a bizarre conversation about taking it to another level... obviously both of us have thought of it. But when we were realistic and honest about it, the whole concept was funny, to both of us. It just didn't fit with the world as we know it--and our history from being close as kids, just made it creepy in a way. It's enough to keep it platonic. And Lord knows, we've been in enough positions to throw that out the window. It's just never happened and I don't anticipate that it ever will.

He does value my friendship and I am something of a stabilizing factor in his life. And I need him in my life, for all that he can be a big jerk, he's one of the very few people outside my family that I trust 110%.

But isn't that what makes a friendship?

I mean come on, most guys (and even gals) I know think about their cousins or even their sisters (gross!) in ways that they shouldn't, but there's something there that keeps them from acting on that. Whatever that that something is, is what's present in my and Jeff's relationship.

No, but I still would let her fellate me.

500 lbs is undesireable to a man for ONE reason...she's not healthy enough to bear a child without problems. If you are a woman and you are healthy and young enough to bear a child and you have no deformities, we want to sleep with you on one level or another. I know women I HATE, but I would still sleep with them.



I'm agreeing, but it requires that the man keep his sexual appetite in check. You're fooling yourself if you really believe that your man friend has never and doesn't ever think of sleeping with you on some level.

I know you disagree, but ask him. Ask him if he ever thinks about sleeping with you, even just a little in a fantasy type of way. He'll lie because you mean too much to him to risk losing him, but you'll see through it if you are open minded enough.

I agree with this.

Edit: And yes, in my experience of growing up around a bunch of males, all they think about is sex. Doesn't matter who or where. They'll put a brown paper bag on your head if they have to. No offense to any males here.

Cut a circle for the mouth hole.

My apologies, I got two posters mixed up.

EXACTLY. But he does think about it. There's just circumstances that keep him from acting on it.

I have to say from personal experience...the guy friends I had always ended up asking me out. I never had a guy friend who didn't start thinking about us dating. Maybe it is because they can relax around a friend and be themselves instead of always putting on the act, and a friend will like them as who they truly are. I'm not sure, but, there hasn't been a guy that I befriended that hasn't changed his opinion on the 'just friends' relationship.

Correct, which is why it's possible for us to be so innocently close. So ya, it is possible for opposite sexes to be good friends.

There's really nothing physical or even social keeping us apart that way.

I kinda sorta realized what it is just a moment ago. Our 25 year friendship has seen a lot... today, it's almost like a couple that's been married for SO long that the sexual attraction has gone out of the marriage. That's exactly what it feels like. It never occured to me until just now. Less like brother and sister... more like we've been married for 25 years and we're not interested in each other except as friends. That's it.

You know it occurs to me that when men think this way its because they haven't had really good sex. If crawling around on the floor picking up crumbs is what you think about all day, obviously you haven't been screwed properly.

Get thee to a brothel my friend.

Not all men think about having sex with other women. My husband doesn't. I know you say you don't believe me. But he doesn't.

When you finally get laid properly I think it will finally dawn on you that its possible to separate sex from women. When you have a woman who meets all your needs, you aren't constantly on the prowl.

And understanding the difference is what makes it easier to separate women into the ones you'd screw and the ones you'd be friends with.

Since I think woman are much more capable of er......enjoying themselves alone, there's no need to think of a ball of flab with back hair as a sexual fantasy. He can just be a friend.

Of course, if Eros Ramazzotti wanted to be friends with me, I don't know if I could do thaaaat.....


http://youtube.com/watch?v=5Gv0zCN2kUo

Oh, my friend, only a woman would think that. Believe me, I have been screwed PROPERLY multiple times. Men think this way becasue it's the biological imperative.



He does. To all the other men readin this--Does her husband think about sleeping with other women? I don't mean he's actively persuing of fixating on it, but does he THINK about it? Yes, i'm afraid he does.




I beg your pardon? Surely, you aren't implying that men have not elevated masturbation to the status of an art form, are you?

the reason women are more capable of having male friends without thinking of them sexually is BIOLOGY, pure and simple. do we need a lesson here? A woman can only reproduce once every 9 months. For the rest of the time, and especially WHILE pregnant, she needs protection and security. A man can reproduce once every HOUR or so, more when under the age of 22, with thousands of different women. It has nothing to do with good or bad sex. And contrary to what you want to believe, no matter how perfect in bed she is, no matter how physically perfect she is, no matter how perfect the relationship is, EVERY MAN FANTASIZES ABOUT OTHER WOMEN.

Guys? any othe guys want to life the mist from truethat's eyes?

I agree for the most part neo but I would have to class myself outside that. Infidelity by former partners has made mental or physical straying impossible for me. I look at other females as nongender clones. If my wife left me or cheated I would think about other women then, but now Im devoted to Anita to the core because after being burned so many times its the only way I can be and keep jealousy out. As I said before there is no competition between my wife and other women, they don't make me laugh or feel secure as much as Anita. Plus she gave me what I always wanted two children who are healthy and happy.