Standing on the sandy shores
Like a knight filled with fear.
I watched in agony as the lance
came to—to pierce my heart.
No armor to wear from such desire,
I felt the chill take hold.
My body gave in and my flesh tore
to the ground. As to mock my wounded fall
the knight dared retreat.
But soon again—the knight’s lance
came to—to pierce my willing
heart. Like a pit with no end, it went on
and on…again and again.
No end in sight, no sun to rise
as the waves ruffled upon
these sandy shores.




---------------------------------------------


Hope you enjoyed it. People have read my other poems that I've recently put up(Corpse ridden burden), but leave no comments. They would be nice.

I like the imagery, i think you want to work on the rhythm! Thanks for sharing!

that is nice.
and an imaganary poem does't have to rhyeme. bascily it's all up to you. I've been thinking about putting up a poem of mine here, but i need to "hide" the realitly of it better. lol!!

I like how you go from

<<" watched in agony as the lance
came to—to pierce my heart.
No armor to wear from such desire,
I felt the chill take hold.
My body gave in and my flesh tore
to the ground. As to mock my wounded fall
the knight dared retreat.">>

Then go to

<<"But soon again—the knight’s lance
came to—to pierce my willing
heart. Like a pit with no end, it went on
and on…again and again.">>

As if to suggest first you were conquered physically, then you were conquered heart and spirit...and it prevented you from healing or come back to par with the situation. Powerful. Awesome Job.

Who said anything about rhyme? I spoke of RHYTHM

I am not a fan of the it's up to you school of poetry, which, to my mind, is actually prose. I prefer a tight metre and good rhythm, good rhyme would also be great, this is just speaking generally and not in consideration of this particular poem.