New Years Resolutions
What You Say and What You Mean

What you say: "I will go to the gym more."
What you mean: "I will use their shower when the water heater is broken in my apt."

What you say: "I plan on eating healthy."
What you mean: "I plan on downshifting from venti to grande fudge brownie frappucino. No whipped cream."

What you say: "I'm going to do something productive with my life."
What you mean: "I'm going to elaborate my stories, so to sound more interesting to my friends."

What you say: "I will try better to keep in touch with my mother."
What you mean: "This is the year that I finally send my mom to the home."

What you say: "I should be nicer to my little sister."
What you mean: "I will only take five dollars from her piggy bank a week, instead of the usual ten."

I'll work out more: fire the housekeeper, and clean myself

We'll eat home/cook more often: order take out and just not tell him

Stay on top of home stuff: put them on his "honey do-list"