QUOTE(TruBeliever @ Sep 25 2007, 10:21 PM)
JN
I know exactly what you are going through. About 6 years ago I lost someone that I thought was my absolute reason for living. I watched as Diabetes and Dialysis ravaged their body and for the first time in my life I felt powerless. I have always been able to see the unseen, and help complete strangers with any number of heart wrenching tragedies. But this time I could do nothing but sit idly by and watch.
My life partner passed away, after being afflicted for 2 years. They passed 15 minutes after my birthday had ended, my birthday is 9/15 and the death occurred on the 16th. I went on auto pilot and made the funeral arrangements, when through the event and then this is where everything went to hell in a handbasket.
When I was able to breathe again and I came out of the sense of numbness, I felt such pain that I entered into a realm that I have, all my life, warned people not to go into. In a moment of anguish and complete and utter meltdown, I turned to people that I knew, under more sane circumstance, could bring me nothing but problems. I wanted so desperately to hear from my love, to hear that I had done all that was expected of me, that a portal was opened.
Nothing happened immediately, then gradually I began to notice little things. The smell of Gardenias, songs on the Radio, eerie voices that would make their way through the television. I should have known better than to attempt to communicate further, but I did anyway. I would shut myself off from my family for weeks on end. They would hear stories of me being seen in public, speaking to someone unseen. I was not aware of what was happening to me. I felt whole again, and I never wanted to lose that feeling.
Then, like in the case of so many others, the bottom fell out. The voices got loud and demanding. I would go through episodes in which Migraine type headaches would hit me with such intensity that I would get nose bleeds, and find myself too dizzy to even stand. The harder I tried to refrain from interacting, the more intense the pain would get.
This went on for almost a year. It wasn't until I got to what I feel was my lowest point, that I did the only thing I could think to do. I went to my, now Minister, explained what I had done and what was going on. I moved into his home, and through several months of prayer, soul searching and spiritual cleansing was I able to gain my life back.
It has been 5 years now. I know now that I did all I could do for my love. That no matter the amount of pain I felt, as result of their passing, nothing compared to the hell and torment that I put myself in, in a moment of desperation and grief. That situation is one that I never want to revisit. No matter how intense the grief seemed to be, it was nothing in comparison to what I opened myself up for. It was truly the darkest point in my life.
Blessed Be
TruBeliever
((((((((((TB))))))))))))) I am so sorry for your loss. It is said that during times of grief it is possible a human spirits visits us, and somehow we know this, thru dreams, images or messages. However, when they enter, a Demonic can follow that spirit right in the door, and knowing your state of mind will begin to instill more grief, fear, anxiety, and tears, then comes the horrific black horror that it brings into our lives, bodies and homes. I couldnt really visit any loved ones cause it followed, and when I talked on the phone so did IT..I had no privacy and really didnt think I was going to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I secluded myself, and had to force myself to go anywhere, I was too afraid, which it fed off. Once I got my strength back, and it lost some of its power, I ignored every parlor trick it used, and Lord knows if I told anyone, they wouldnt believe half of it, cause afterall either did I. So I know how you felt. I had the final exorcism in early August, and it was deemed an infestation, so I am still healing, and thats not always easy either. But I think I am stronger now, in my faith but more so in myself, and obviously you are stronger now too. By the way, we share the same birthday. Maybe Demonics are attracted to Virgos? LOL..JN-
And I was trying to say that doing that type of ritual, even though by standards it was a very small and simple one, I was lucky that I had enough sense at such a young age and not really knowing exactly what I was getting myself into, to put up enough protection spells and such that I didn't let anyone else in.
