QUOTE(asian-ghosts @ Sep 27 2007, 11:45 PM)

omg im speechless, i know everyone will HAVE to face that one day but i haven't faced it yet, losing a close person, i knowi will one day but i am not ready to. Its soo hard to think about like sometimes i just feel like i want to go 1st so i wont have to face it, but i dont know, im just soo scared of that day, when i loose a loved one
It is very hard and I won't try to sugarcoat it.
He fought so hard to live and he struggled through everything.
He was so determined to stay with us and his dying wasn't easy or pleasant. It was horrible. He struggled for each breath. I held him at the last and reassured him that everything was o.k, that I would take care of it all and he could let go. I only wanted his suffering to end.
Everytime I think of my dad, I smile, because he was a funny man, and I know in my heart that he will be there waiting for me when I go, and laughing at me for not doing it right.

I always wanted to be the first to go, because I didn't think I could handle the pain, but now I know, not only can I handle this pain but I'm glad I didn't go first, because I wouldn't want my father to feel the pain of losing a child. That would be selfish.
I only hope that when I leave here, my children think of me the same way I think of him, and have no tears, just smiles and laughter. O.K. well maybe a few tears because they deserve it, the little bas***ds!
So anyway, back on topic,there is no reason to fear dead people because they are usually someone's relatives and there is nothing to fear. Unless of course they've been sprayed with some toxic chemicals and then look out!