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Unexplained Mysteries Discussion Forums > Other > General Off-Topic Discussion > Jokes & Humour
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Crovus v2.0
QUOTE (electrolyticman @ Mar 2 2008, 11:46 PM) *
granted a big dinosaurs

I wish could smile today


Granted, but now your face is stuck that way and everyone thinks you're crazy.

I wish they'd stop making me change shifts.
Lightning88
QUOTE (Crovus v2.0 @ Mar 3 2008, 02:31 AM) *
Granted, but now your face is stuck that way and everyone thinks you're crazy.

I wish they'd stop making me change shifts.

granted your fired

I wish i had some candy

QUOTE
(you have no idea what an onrathopter is do you?)

an rc bug,right?
I had to google it,so it's sad if i'm wrong.

edited for spelling
dest_titor1
QUOTE (silverracerkh2005 @ Mar 3 2008, 09:55 PM) *
Granted your fired

I wish i had some candy


an rc bug,right?
I had to google it,so it's sad if i'm wrong.

edited for spelling

(an ornathopter is a flying machine that flaps its wings)

Granted, but it has razor blades in it devil.gif

I wish for a foot tall pet mammoth pet! (gets no taller than 1 foot)
The_Scorpion
QUOTE (dest_titor1 @ Mar 3 2008, 11:52 PM) *
I wish for a foot tall pet mammoth pet! (gets no taller than 1 foot)


Granted, but he doesn't like you, so he calls his big full sized mammoth brother to trample you to death.
I wish I could grow or shrink to any size I choose, at any time I choose.
dest_titor1
QUOTE (The_Scorpion @ Mar 4 2008, 05:15 PM) *
Granted, but he doesn't like you, so he calls his big full sized mammoth brother to trample you to death.
I wish I could grow or shrink to any size I choose, at any time I choose.

Granted, while you shrink to sneek out of work, a bird flys by and snatches you up, and eats you!

In wish for a trained hunting flacon as a pet.
JohnLennonsGhost
Granted - however he has a bad wing and only flies in circles.

I wish I had the ability to morph into animals
dest_titor1
QUOTE (JohnLennonsGhost @ Mar 4 2008, 09:31 PM) *
Granted - however he has a bad wing and only flies in circles.

I wish I had the ability to morph into animals

Granted, you are seen as deer, killed, and eaten by a hunter.

(pets falcon, "let go to the vet")

I wish for a brick of cheese.
Crovus v2.0
QUOTE (silverracerkh2005 @ Mar 3 2008, 11:55 PM) *
granted your fired


For the love of god...please...let that be the case! SEND ME THE $@#* HOME! LOL

QUOTE (dest_titor1 @ Mar 5 2008, 12:11 AM) *
Granted, you are seen as deer, killed, and eaten by a hunter.

(pets falcon, "let go to the vet")

I wish for a brick of cheese.


Granted, but some dumb ass wine connoisseur thought the cheese was supposed to age with the wine, and it's 100 years old. Hey, at least you get 100 year old wine to go with your dysentery wink2.gif

I wish I knew kung fu (Watching kung fu movies *shrug*)
dest_titor1
QUOTE (Crovus v2.0 @ Mar 5 2008, 12:23 AM) *
For the love of god...please...let that be the case! SEND ME THE $@#* HOME! LOL



Granted, but some dumb ass wine connoisseur thought the cheese was supposed to age with the wine, and it's 100 years old. Hey, at least you get 100 year old wine to go with your dysentery wink2.gif

I wish I knew kung fu (Watching kung fu movies *shrug*)

Granted, you go on TV and you are killed by the ask a ninja ninja!

(The older cheese is the better it is)

I could meet the numa numa guy, and do a numa numa 3 along side him!
Crovus v2.0
QUOTE (dest_titor1 @ Mar 5 2008, 04:29 AM) *
Granted, you go on TV and you are killed by the ask a ninja ninja!

(The older cheese is the better it is)

I could meet the numa numa guy, and do a numa numa 3 along side him!


Granted, but he ends up having a heart attack related to some really old and moldy cheese...right in the middle of the video. The cops blame you.

I wish I wasn't watching such a gay ass action movie right now...

dest_titor1
QUOTE (Crovus v2.0 @ Mar 6 2008, 02:05 AM) *
Granted, but he ends up having a heart attack related to some really old and moldy cheese...right in the middle of the video. The cops blame you.

I wish I wasn't watching such a gay ass action movie right now...

Granted, your watching just a plane old gay movie!

I wish I could meet Jeff Dunham.
Chaos's_Realm
Granted but he got asasainted 2 seconds before you could meet him

w00t.gif I wish that I was an expert horseback rider. w00t.gif
iDontKnowOfficer

QUOTE
w00t.gif I wish that I was an expert horseback rider. w00t.gif

Granted, but none of you have a horse.

I wish i had a gaming computer disgust.gif
SamiJo1408
QUOTE (El Tequilero @ Mar 10 2008, 10:44 PM) *
Granted, but none of you have a horse.

I wish i had a gaming computer disgust.gif


Granted, but, seeing as you're so charitable, you give it to me before you even use it!

I wish everyone of my teachers talked like a sports announcer =D
Chaos's_Realm
QUOTE (SamiJo1408 @ Mar 11 2008, 01:35 PM) *
Granted, but, seeing as you're so charitable, you give it to me before you even use it!

I wish everyone of my teachers talked like a sports announcer =D


Granted, but, they only did it behind your back.

I wish that my Rubes calender wasn't so frickin gay
crtDzyn
QUOTE (Chaos's_Realm @ Mar 11 2008, 09:59 AM) *
Granted, but, they only did it behind your back.

I wish that my Rubes calender wasn't so frickin gay

Granted, now you are.

I wish my car was fixed.
Chaos's_Realm
Granted but they fixed the wrong thing

I wish i had a can of pepsi
the14u2cee
QUOTE (Chaos's_Realm @ Mar 11 2008, 08:11 AM) *
Granted but they fixed the wrong thing

I wish i had a can of pepsi


GRANTED: but it was a coke in a bottle

I wish i had superhuman powers..
crtDzyn
Granted, you now have big insect antenae protruding from your forehead. It's not incredibly attractive, but hey, you can feel things with superhuman sensitivity!

I wish there was a bank error in my favor of $500! (inspired by monopoly)
the14u2cee
QUOTE (crtbud @ Mar 11 2008, 08:31 AM) *
Granted, you now have big insect antenae protruding from your forehead. It's not incredibly attractive, but hey, you can feel things with superhuman sensitivity!

I wish there was a bank error in my favor of $500! (inspired by monopoly)


Granted: But it was for Mexican Pesos which is only $5.00 bucks..

I wish i did not have to work ever again..
crtDzyn
QUOTE (the14u2cee @ Mar 11 2008, 10:38 AM) *
Granted: But it was for Mexican Pesos which is only $5.00 bucks..

I wish i did not have to work ever again..

Granted, you're left paralyzed from the neck down after a tragic auto accident and don't have much of a choice about going back to work.

I wish weed was legalized.
ravergirl
QUOTE (crtbud @ Mar 11 2008, 04:43 PM) *
Granted, you're left paralyzed from the neck down after a tragic auto accident and don't have much of a choice about going back to work.

I wish weed was legalized.

granted but the government taxes it so much no one u know can afford it anymore.

i wish someone would pay my rent
Chaos's_Realm
QUOTE (ravergirl @ Mar 11 2008, 03:57 PM) *
granted but the government taxes it so much no one u know can afford it anymore.

i wish someone would pay my rent



Granted but your house burned down

I wish i had a Brand new barn 200 yards X 400 yards
crtDzyn
Granted, but it collapses while you're inside because the contractor failed to put support beams in the middle. ohmy.gif

I wish I had the power to turn any liquid into beer at my discretion.
ravergirl
QUOTE (crtbud @ Mar 11 2008, 05:44 PM) *
Granted, but it collapses while you're inside because the contractor failed to put support beams in the middle. ohmy.gif

I wish I had the power to turn any liquid into beer at my discretion.

graned butthe only liquid available is pee.
I wish i had a friend
Ciraxis
granted but its cheap pabst beer

I wish I didn't have a headache
BiffSplitkins
QUOTE (ravergirl @ Mar 11 2008, 11:46 AM) *
graned butthe only liquid available is pee.
I wish i had a friend


Granted - You do but it's dead Hellen Keller.


QUOTE (Ciraxis @ Mar 11 2008, 11:47 AM) *
granted but its cheap pabst beer

I wish I didn't have a headache


Granted - Headache gone but it took all your fishing knowledge away when the pain left.

I wish my day was less stressful today.
crtDzyn
QUOTE (ravergirl @ Mar 11 2008, 12:46 PM) *
graned butthe only liquid available is pee.
I wish i had a friend

Granted, but it's me. devil.gif

QUOTE (Ciraxis @ Mar 11 2008, 12:47 PM) *
granted but its cheap pabst beer

I wish I didn't have a headache

Granted, you have a toothache that ends up requiring a root canal.

QUOTE (BiffSplitkins @ Mar 11 2008, 01:00 PM) *
I wish my day was less stressful today.

Granted, but the rest of the week will be hell. Enjoy your relaxing evening grin2.gif


I wish I had a clone that worked to earn my money.
Chaos's_Realm
Granted but the clone gets fired

I wish that school was out
Tattpttos
i wish aliens would stop abducting people and hurting them torturing their minds
i wish bad cops and bad child safety workers would stop abusing kids and families i wish them the most out of all the wishes wish them ill
dest_titor1
QUOTE (Tattpttos @ Mar 11 2008, 10:34 PM) *
i wish aliens would stop abducting people and hurting them torturing their minds
i wish bad cops and bad child safety workers would stop abusing kids and families i wish them the most out of all the wishes wish them ill

Granted, instead, they abuse other adults.
I wish for 20 carbon composite arrows.
BiffSplitkins
QUOTE (dest_titor1 @ Mar 11 2008, 06:55 PM) *
Granted, instead, they abuse other adults.
I wish for 20 carbon composite arrows.


Granted - but they are all given to you by being shot into your groin area.

I wish this thread didn't get so messed up over the last 3-4 posts. (I never got my previous wish granted sad.gif )
ravergirl
QUOTE (BiffSplitkins @ Mar 12 2008, 01:02 PM) *
Granted - but they are all given to you by being shot into your groin area.

I wish this thread didn't get so messed up over the last 3-4 posts. (I never got my previous wish granted sad.gif )

granted but as soon as we unraveled it we heard this ticking so we put it back.

I wish there was a rainbow
fatrobot
QUOTE (ravergirl @ Mar 12 2008, 02:11 PM) *
granted but as soon as we unraveled it we heard this ticking so we put it back.

I wish there was a rainbow


Granted - there was a rainbow, but it was a long time ago before you were born

I wish I had an army of robotic Helen Kellers
crtDzyn
Granted, but they go berserk and beat you to death with their brail textbooks.


I wish I had a plate of french toast cooked to perfection with delicious strawberries and blue berries on the side, all covered in Aunt Gemima's Maple syrup sitting right infront of me for me and me only to eat.
fatrobot
QUOTE (crtbud @ Mar 12 2008, 02:36 PM) *
Granted, but they go berserk and beat you to death with their brail textbooks.


I wish I had a plate of french toast cooked to perfection with delicious strawberries and blue berries on the side, all covered in Aunt Gemima's Maple syrup sitting right infront of me for me and me only to eat.



Granted - but your lips are sewn shut with razor wire

I wish was a big giant cyclops on an island full of stupid villagers to terrorize.
BiffSplitkins
QUOTE (fatrobot @ Mar 12 2008, 10:45 AM) *
Granted - but your lips are sewn shut with razor wire

I wish was a big giant cyclops on an island full of stupid villagers to terrorize.


Granted - but you're on Gilligans Island and MaryAnne gets you so wasted on Cannibus that you can't remember how to terrorize.

I wish it would stop SNOWING!!!
crtDzyn
QUOTE (fatrobot @ Mar 12 2008, 10:45 AM) *
Granted - but your lips are sewn shut with razor wire

I wish was a big giant cyclops on an island full of stupid villagers to terrorize.

Granted, but curiosity drives you to eat a few villagers who turn out to be high in cholesterol. You develop a blood clot after a short period of time and die from a painful, agonizing heart attack.

OOPS
QUOTE (BiffSplitkins @ Mar 12 2008, 10:50 AM) *
Granted - but you're on Gilligans Island and MaryAnne gets you so wasted on Cannibus that you can't remember how to terrorize.

I wish it would stop SNOWING!!!

Granted, the snow falling is replaced with hail the size of baseballs.



I wish for a genie who will grant me uncorruptable wishes.
Chaos's_Realm
Granted but he's on strike

I wish that my older brother would quit whining about everything under the moon and sun
BiffSplitkins
QUOTE (Chaos's_Realm @ Mar 12 2008, 01:30 PM) *
Granted but he's on strike

I wish that my older brother would quit whining about everything under the moon and sun


Granted, but now he whines about everything under Uranus. grin2.gif

I wish I had a Shamrock Shake right now.
red-star
granted but it has nail clippings in it
me wishes i was the master of the universe muhaha muhahah tongue.gif
red-star
sorry double post
Finsup22
QUOTE (BiffSplitkins @ Mar 12 2008, 12:35 PM) *
Granted, but now he whines about everything under Uranus. grin2.gif

I wish I had a Shamrock Shake right now.


Granted, but the Leprecon is squeezing it out himself, it will be a few minutes, he needs his privacy.

I wish it was Friday.
crtDzyn
QUOTE (red-star @ Mar 12 2008, 02:38 PM) *
granted but it has nail clippings in it
me wishes i was the master of the universe muhaha muhahah tongue.gif

Granted, but you are overthrown by the intergalactic counsel and put on trial for the questionable methods employed to obtain your throne.

QUOTE (Finsup22 @ Mar 12 2008, 02:38 PM) *
I wish it was Friday.

Granted, but the work week has been flipped and the "weekend" ended yesterday.

I wish it was 65 degrees fahrenheit, sunny, and i didnt have to work for the rest of the day. thumbsup.gif
red-star
granted you die so u wont have to work and it will be very sunny...in hell tongue.gif
i was i had £1000,000000000,0000000000000,000000000000,000000000,000000000,00000000000,00000
000000,00000000000000
fatrobot
QUOTE (red-star @ Mar 12 2008, 06:44 PM) *
granted you die so u wont have to work and it will be very sunny...in hell tongue.gif
i was i had £1000,000000000,0000000000000,000000000000,000000000,000000000,00000000000,00000
000000,00000000000000



Granted - but the pound is worth -5$ so you now owe money
I wish i hadn't eaten that bacon cheeseburger for lunch
crtDzyn
QUOTE (red-star @ Mar 12 2008, 02:44 PM) *
granted you die so u wont have to work and it will be very sunny...in hell tongue.gif
i was i had £1000,000000000,0000000000000,000000000000,000000000,000000000,00000000000,00000
000000,00000000000000


Granted, you had £10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 until you were overcome with a very charitable urge. The children in Darfur thank you.


I wish my genie would get back to work.
Chaos's_Realm
Granted you ate 2 of them

I wish i didn't have to go anywhere today
iDontKnowOfficer
Granted, i guess not going anywhere is bad enough..

I wish i had a 7.1 surround sound.
fatrobot
QUOTE (El Tequilero @ Mar 13 2008, 01:43 AM) *
Granted, i guess not going anywhere is bad enough..

I wish i had a 7.1 surround sound.


Granted - but all you have to listen to is Celine Dion

I wish I was little bit taller,
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala
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