Britain's worst Xmas cracker joke

Britons have been voting in a new survey to find the nation's worst Christmas cracker joke.

And the winner was: What is Santa's favourite pizza? One that's deep pan, crisp and even!

University of Sheffield's Professor of Linguistics Professor Andrew Linn commented: "The essence of a fine joke is clever and original use of language, often exploiting some sort of ambiguity.

"This joke has been voted the worst Christmas cracker joke because it is almost too clever. It uses ambiguity in how the words are put together (deep (p)an') as well as contextual ambiguity (pizzas and a Christmas carol). In short, once you get it, it's a real groaner!"

But even though the gag was voted worst overall, it divided the nation with many voting it their favourite.

More than 200 people picked their worst and favourite cracker jokes from a list of 50 in the poll for Nuts magazine.

Nuts jokes editor Adam Ralph said: "The gags in crackers are normally so bad that everyone laughs at the stupidity of them. That's what brings everyone together and it would almost be a shame if manufactures tried to make them too clever."

The Top 10 worst Christmas cracker jokes were:

1) What is Santa's favourite pizza? One that's deep pan, crisp and even

2) On which side do chickens have most feathers? On the outside

3) What kind of paper likes music? (W)rapping paper

4) What's white and goes up? A confused snowflake

5) What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? Annette

6) Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop? It blew away.

7) What's furry and minty? A polo bear

8) How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle

9) Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!

10) What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert? Lost

Cracker jokes are the worst, seriously. My family and I actually dread pulling them open, scared of what we might find. It tends to knock the Christmas cheer down a notch... damn them *shakes fist*

I think Christmas cracker jokes are great at bringing family and friends together.
They have many a time united my family and friends together on Christmas day, to find out who is making these jokes and putting them in the crackers, so we can hunt them down like the villains they are.




Edit: To fix sentence

I miss Christams crackers! We don't get them the same in the US... sometimes I have to get them imported.

they're probably under some sort of protection program. They make all this money while the true comedians are struggling to survive... it's not right I tells ya

I dont get the first one, someone explain it to me.

Did you hear about the two ships that collided at sea? One was carrying red paint and the other was carrying blue paint. All the sailors ended up being marooned.

What are hundreds and thousands?
Smarties poop

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.

What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper.

Why are chocolate buttons rude?
Because they are Smarties in the nude.

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a boogie in it.

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.


Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?
Because he couldn't concentrate.

What did the inflatable teacher at the inflatable school say to the inflatable child caught holding a pin?
You let me down, you let your friends down, you let your school down but most of all... you let yourself down.

What's ET short for?
Because he's only got little legs.

"What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?

"An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth."

What's brown and sweet and glides around an ice rink?
Bourneville and Dean

What's a specimen?
An Italian astronaut

What do you call a short sighted dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us!

What do you call a man with brown paper trousers?
Russell

What do you call a man with a pole through his leg?
Rodney

Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
He's a fun guy to be with.

Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?
He had low elf-esteem.

Who was England's first chiropodist?
William the Corncurer

Why should husbands make the early morning tea for their wives?
Because the Bible says He Brews

What's the longest word in the English language?
Smiles, because there is a "mile" between the first and the last letters.

whats black white black white blacj white?
A penguin falling down the stairs

Whats brown and sticky?
A brown stick

Lame Lame Lame these used to be funny when i was like 8. Lucky you can get adult crackers with a better sense of humor but i would love it if they put Mp3s into the crackers or something

I didn't get it either, but it was voted #1 for the worse, so I don't feel so bad.......

I don't know if you are joking....in case you are not it's referring to a christmas carol which mentions snow being deep and crisp and even.
Sorry can't remember the name of the carol.

Actually I wasn't joking, and not familiar with the carol that it came from.......Thanks for that info...appreciate it....

*goes back to her corner*

Good King Wenceslas


Good King Wenceslas looked out,
On the Feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay round about,
Deep and crisp and even;
Brightly shone the moon that night,
Tho' the frost was cruel,
When a poor man came in sight,
Gath'ring winter fuel.

Thanks jesspy...I'm sure I heard this at some time, but didn't like it, so I didn't pay attention to the words...

Great joke's everyone!
Can't wait to see the in-law's tonight.
I can already see my father in-law shaking his head at me for the next two day's!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

I think they are as bad as bazooka joe bubble gum jokes no hahas

I never found them the least bit amusing. I eventually stopped even reading them and just hid them under my plate.

I always pretend i didnt get one and then have to listen to everyone elses joke i think everyone should post the cracker jokes they get