i went thru that thread "love and marriage" i partly agree some opinions.for there r still quite a lot i wanna say about this topic and what i wanna express is not exactely that thread tells,i start this thread.we r in different part of this planet but this topic is universal.sharing experiences helps ppl to review current lives,correct wrong positions and fix the future directions.

i devorced once,this is what've been cofusing me for years.

years ago i heard a song said "mountains may fall,tears may dry,passions may die but love will survive."

i think that goes in wrong order,i'd say "love might survive,but passions must die."passions creat love,survive love and also terminate love,it comes with emotion,u thought that's love but it's not,it's an unreasonable clueless impulse from your heart,if comes both mentally and physically,feels like something enlightening your soul u finally find an absoluytelly crrect way to spend your life.that could be anything, but it's not love.it must will die.

when u meet your right person it feels like your heart is being grabbed by an invisible hand, sth's telling u that he or she is the one.that's love.your whole life becomes meaningful.

the problem is how can love stay survive when passions gone?

well, I believe that you can feel passion for many people, but only truly be in love with one, possibly two people in your life. Loving people is different than being in love. And passion is a meeting of two people who may have a physical connection, but not a spiritual one like people madly in love have. Just my opinions.

no. passion is not love. at it's root is sexuality which in reality is a very selfish thing.

now there is passion that is not rooted in physicality . As my brother and sister in law say - that first passion wanes. it's only after it does so that the work for real love starts. Passion does come back if you wait long enough to remember each other , but it isn't that same back seat first found sort. And while it's good to be passionate it isn't the end all either.

If you marry and find your spouse had become paralyzed from the neck down. where normal passion in the sexual sense can not be met does that mean your marriage should end ? your love ? what does that say about the person ?

That kind of goes with what I was thinking. The people at are 90 and have been together 50+ years, they might not be all that frisky anymore. But knowing couples that have been together that long, the love is definitely there. Obviously my answer is no. And going back to the other thread, those that base a marriage on this alone probably won't last long.

thanx for replying.

that thread "love and marriage"just reminds me much things, brings back to old days.i know i was so wrong.

when we were there,when the passions dead,we both did bored both felt guilty to each other,we had sex missionary,we both tried hardly to rescue our marriage,and i do know,which is what we both strongly believe is,we did love each other.but as long as we were still couple we couldn't stay together peacfuly,u know what i mean.

i met another girl monthes ago and i thought i loved her.she left me soon i feel so sh**ty.i can handle my job great,i've been making progress everyday but i still can't touch the marriag thing.am i unique or some?

to #3,additionally i wanna say about your signature,for this is also the only planet with ice cream.

I read where scientists did a study on physical chemistry, and discovered that it lasts about one year. Sort of natures way of getting us to check eachother out, and during that time people can,t get enough of eachother! After that your on your own, and it,s what you,ve built together and the friendship you,ve formed that takes over, thats when the working at it really begins! So i,d have to say passion is not love! But if you both are willing to work at it and make it through the, who the heck is this person i,ve hooked up with stages, a new and deeper passion that only those of us who are experiencing got blessed enough to find and hang on to comes into the picture! And it,s the best, first passions are great, but trusting, lasting passion is even better, as it,s a passion about everything you do together, not just found and left in the bedroom!

Not at all, they are two totally different things which can exist independently of each other.

Although I tend to think your referring to love in the specific context of a monogamous relationship, in which case I still think that my first statement applies. Love is also quite an abstract noun, it can mean a million different things to a million different people.

I do not necessarily believe that passion must exist for love to do so also. As someone else said, if we are speaking in terms of monogamous relationships, there must be more than passion. There must be friendship more than anything I imagine. There must be something to be had after the flame has died, and being friends...best friends, will get you through more than sex ever would.

Having said that, I think if you can make it through the middle years, you children and whatnot, passion can be had again. As it was said before, just not that "backseat" first time passion.

My grandparents have been married over 50 years. As gross as it may be to some people, they still...ya know. And my grandpa is the biggest flirt in the world, he's always pinching my grandma's bum and calling her a fox...and she giggles like a little girl. It's the most adorable thing in the world.

But I agree you just can't have a marriage initially based off of passion. There must be more, and in my opinion, probably in the form a very deep friendship.

grandparents were deeply in love until the day my grandpa died. My grandma mourned him everyday until she finally joined him. There were 6 months away their 60th anniversary. When you see that kind of enduring love, you want to find that for yourself. I think it raised my expectations way too high, because I have never had a relationship last longer than two years. I end up realizing that they aren't for me, and so I end it. Even the man who I thought I was in love with, I knew we wouldn't work, even though I tried really hard and didn't want to give up, again. It was more of the feeling like a failure that I had another nowhere relationship, that I tried when it would have been so much better to just walk away.

Anyway, I would personally rather have the love than the passion, because with love, the passion can grow. With passion first, mostly it dwindles and when that was all there was, there is no love to keep the people together.

I'd say that no, passion is not love. As far as I've always understood 'passion' is having a strong feeling toward someone/something.

You can passionately hate something. Which obviously wouldn't be love.

But I would say that if you love someone then you do have some sort of passionate feelings for them. You would obviously care for them a lot if you can go as far as to say 'love'.

However, that 'passion' is not necessarily some wild, crazy, sex fest. It's just having strong feelings towards someone/something.

There are several things wrong with the above quote. I'll break it down with what I've learned in 34 years of life and 7 years of marriage.

1- Feeling excited and turned on by someone does NOT mean they are the "right" person. I had several relationships with the "wrong" person, and felt like my heart...yada yada yada each time. Passion and excitement does not indicate that the subject is a good fit for you for marriage. This is probably the most destructive romantic myth in our society. that feeling you describe will, MOST of the time, lead you to the wrong person, especially if you buy into the myth that committed love is a magical enchanted feeling.

2- Your life MUST be meaningful before you get into a long term relationship, ESPECIALLY a marriage. Two halves do not make a whole marriage. They make two desperate, needy, clingy, co-dependent people who will consume each other alive. This is the second most damaging romantic myth of our society, the ridiculous idea that your partner should somehow "complete" you or "make you whole." No. You have to be whole and a fully functioning person who already has "meaning" in their life before you can share that life properly with another person. And on top of that, if you allow another person to become your whole life focus and the "meaning" in your life, you will have nothing if it doesn't work out. And the VAST MAJORITY of relationships don't work out. Possibly because of this stupid romantic idea about magic passion.

3- There is no "ONE." There are several, maybe hundreds, of people walking this earth you can make a happy life with. It's hard enough to find one of them, it would be nearly impossible to find that person if they were the only one out there for you.




Love is not passion. Passion is a feeling. Love is a conscious decision to put someone's happiness above your own. there have been times over the past 7 years that I have not been in love with my wife. There have been times when I've been very in love. And times when I've been somewhere in the middle. I stay becasue I LOVE her. I DECIDE to love her and put her happiness above my own, even when I'm not feeling passionate that week or month or whatever.

Love can only die when one decides to stop loving another. Passion dies generally within 2 years, not coincidently the requisite time to conceive and bear and care for an infant until the infant can begin to walk.

when things make u happy and exciting u absolutely have passions,what if not?what if it's boring?when u have to repeatly do the same thing,every single thing every single day,is there any way to avoid being bored?i know sb can do that but i can't,maybe i'm unique,or a bad man.i don't know.
thanx for your help.

i think u r quite right.the key word goeas to "allow"or "decide".from the very first moment on i could've got everything in my hand but i didn't.easy to talk hard to do.
i thoght she was the right one for me,obviously she's not.probably things get atarted with "wrong" would be finaly led to "right".

maybe i'm not ready to be a husband yet.
i was a terrible husband i still feel so guilty to my ex-wife.that was unfair to her.i don't wnat hurt anyone else or myself anymore.i do know love is not passion but when u r realy in there ppl would say,or some ppl would say "what the h***,life is short time would never await person,i know i feel so good about this,passion,love or whatever. "i was one of the "some ppl".
currently the only thing can realy make me happy and joyful is my job.i still fail to get right or good feelings from women,i hang out with girls having fun with'em but i know i'm not happy,it sucks.

or i just need some more time.

thanx for everyone's help.

Marriage is a commitment. Loving Passion in a marriage may fade or wane but people ALWAYS say that marriage is 100%- 100% from each partner (not 50%- 50%). It can sometimes be downright hard work. That does not mean you don't LOVE someone. The passion may fade by either party; not just the woman. I think the word PASSION is somewhat misued as well.

Passion can mean a passionate hate, a passionate jealously, a passionate crime (or crime of passion). I think the WORD passion just exemplifies the word LOVE to the next level. When true love plateau's then there is work to be done... by both parties. Marriage isn't always a bowl of cherries so don't go in like it's all smiles and giggles. Sometimes it's NOT. It's hard work, communication, dedication and LOVE that will complete a satisfying marriage.

Just my thoughts.



speeeeeeeeeeeeeeling

i think passion is love?