Now, I need some advice from anyone, atheists or religious people.
I'm atheist, but my girlfriend is christian.
She wants me to change my beliefs, and be "born again" as a christian.
Easier said than done.
The only reason why she wants me to, is because she's afraid I'll go to Hell, and she goes to Heaven, and we'll be separated after death, since I don't believe.
I try to explain that in the bible, God loves everyone, religious or not, and he's supposed to be nice, he wouldn't separate a couple who loves each other.
She doesn't seem to believe that.

Any help would be appreciated.

Thats a tough situation but I believe love can conquer all. Basically if she loves you, she'll want to try to keep converting you because she wants to be with you forever. If you can get across to her that you love her but your understanding of the universe does not include a diety, and she can come to accept that, then get to work making some kids. Then you get to go over it all over again as to what the kids will be taught. LOL.

In all truth though if you love someone you can overcome just about any difference if you really want it to work...

This isn't uncommon.

When I was married some 18 years ago, my husband was a Lutheran, he and his minister (we were married in his church per his family's wishes) and I was for the most part an atheist. He said some similar things to me. I simply told him that I'd never believe as he did, and that if that wasn't OK with him, we should call off the wedding. His minister agreed. We got married anyway.

Funny thing is? 14 years later we were divorced anyway, not over religion, but other worse differences that we failed to see. Even funnier? His minister is still one of the nicest people I know and we get along famously despite our differing opinions.

I know she won't leave me because of it, I just really don't know what to tell her.
I tried telling her that if I'm wrong, and God actually exist, he won't separate us, but it's not working.
I need some arguments or proof or something from the bible, that could show her that we wouldn't be separated, even if I'm not religious.



Glad to know I'm not the only one with that problem.
It just kinda sucks that even you, never found a real solution.

Awww your girlfriend sounds very sweet.

Have you read the Bible? If you haven't maybe you should and then you can tell her that you have tried for her, and made an informed choice on whether there is a Christian God or not.

I don't think you can just decide to change your beliefs with something like this. Not a situation where just going through the motions is going to win you brownie points with God, maybe your girlfriend though!

hey..why don't you try bringing her over to the other side

I don't envy the situation you are in. My partner and I (both atheists) had another couple round for dinner last night (both very committed Christians, study theology, no sex before marriage etc) and as we chatted I thought how lucky we all were to be able to side-step this whole issue!

Unfortunately, or fortunately, you two will probably have to agree to disagree and you'll have to make sure that's ok. There will be nothing in the Bible you can use that will convince her. She'll just tell you it's misinterpreted, wrong, or not her belief.

You won't change her belief... But, you might be able to agree to disagree... there's a lot of that in relationships, they're hard work.

The Bible says quite the opposite. There are verses in both the Old and New Testament that tell believers not marry unebelievers. The problem is, if you do get married there will be issues over the kids. Do you teach them there is a god or there isn't a god. It starts out as her caring about your soul, and loving you, but this kind of fundamental difference can destroy a marriage.

Which is exactly why divorce rates are at fifty percent.

And blind_messiah is also somewhat correct on that point.

For example. I have a girlfriend who is Jewish, she married a rather staunch Catholic man. Before they got married, they made the decision that he would keep his Catholic beliefs (he wasn't about to convert, not even for her or vice versa) and that, because Jewish law says that children born to a Jewish mother, are culturally Jewish, they would be raised as such. They had 5 sons, all attend Jewish School etc... they've been married for 19 years now and they make it work because they planned, came to comprimises, and communicate well. That's the cornerstone of any good relationship.

God forgives right? so just ask for forgiveness and everything will be normal again and will save you a lot of time.

She really is, sweet.
And, it's funny that you say that, cause she's less religious than she was when we first met.
I swear it's not my fault!


I'm sure she would accept I'm not religious, I just don't think she'd accept the fact that to her, we won't be together in the "afterlife".


The bible is weird, cause first, it says that God loves everyone.
Then it says he pretty much hates non-religious people.


EDIT:



But that's the problem, I can't ask for forgiveness, to something I don't believe in.

My former husband has the same concern. Just think how horrified he'd be if we DID end up in the afterlife together. After all, he remarried a Theraveda Buddhist and I did become a Christian many many years after I was married (although not his church). See, in his opinion, to be saved you have to be water baptized; which I'm sure your girlfriend believes as well. I am a Christian, but my faith doesn't practice sacrements or water baptism, in his world, I'm still "dammed"... so you see, there are just SO many different requirements even among Christians that you may never come to an agreement, even if you were a "believer".

It's going to take great strength and courage for you both to figure this one out, I wish you well, it's not easy. But, it's not impossible either if there's enough respect for each other.

Thank you.
I was actually baptised as a baby, but I consider myself atheist, I don't believe in God.
So, I'm "officially" christian, I just don't call myself that.
But she believes that no matter what, if you don't believe, you go to Hell.

(P.S. I have no idea why I got baptised, since both of my parents aren't religious either. )

If she loves you will she will see it from your point of view and respect it.

Just tell her that heaven and hell can not exist. Because if you’re in hell and she’s in heaven then she will still be sad and worry that you’re in hell so she would not be in heaven. Heaven cannot exist when you think love ones are suffering in hell. Therefore there can be no hell. And without hell(evil) there can be no heaven(good).

Good point.
In Heaven, everything is supposed to be perfect, you feel real happiness.
No one is sad in Heaven.

I tried telling her that, but she said "Well, I'll be the first one to ever be sad in Heaven."

She's so cute.

I agree with missmellswells (if i understand her correctly). The core issue is not the diference in beliefs, but how much these beliefs may impact on actions. You can live with someone who believes differently to you but if that makes her/him act like some one you can't comfortably live with, then despite how much in love you may be, the prognosis for a long happy and satisfying relationship is not good.

It is not essential for you both to have common religious beliefs or any other beliefs for that matter, if those beliefs do not impinge on how you act, or expect others to act, but of course for many people they will.

Yup, you understood perfectly well Mr. Walker... but then again, you generally do.

Aw shucks! Now i'm going to have to apologise for spelling your name incorrectly. (it did start me thinking of possible derivations for it) I guessed(and got it wrong)

Hi Dan,

It's a difficult situation when two people of vastly different religious beliefs start dating. While I'm sure such relationships can work, I've also seen many more fail because of the differences in beliefs (and just as many more where the Christian stops being Chrisitan to stay with their partner). And to be fair, the Bible does say that Christians should not start relationships with non-Christians (what does darkness have in common with light?). I know this isn't always possible - the heart does strange things sometimes, and no matter what the intentions a Christian can fall in love with a non-Christian.

There is no easy answer to this. I can only say that it will take a lot of time, a lot of effort, and for now leaving aside the big question about sex before marriage, it will just get harder when you do get married and have children. Do you go to church with her, or does she stay home with you? Do you teach your kids that God exists or that he does not (sending mixed messages at a young age is not usually recommended). Do you take them to Sunday School or not? Do you agree with her and support her when she gives money (which is also your money) to the church?

These are just some of the questions that immediately pop to mind, there are many more. Whatever happens, you are in for a tough time, unless either you or she changes beliefs. It's not impossible, but it is very difficult, which is why i think it is warned against in the Bible.

Hope it works out for you. All the best, Dan

~ Regards, PA

That's ok, I spell it wrong sometimes too... afterall, my given name isn't Mel, or any variation thereof. LOL

Here you go- from the modern king james version-

I Corinthians 7 1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? 17 But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches.

His christian girlfriend is obviously being INTOLERANT of his (un) belief. See it works both ways..............

What is it with women they get their little hooks into a man and the first thing they want to do is change him. I have a friend who is a Pagan priest who's wife is a fundamentalist Christian. He has aways been a Pagan, his wife didn't have any beliefs when they met. When his wife was born again he didn't change. She ended up leaving for a while, but came back, because of the kids. The whole family is split half the kids are Pagan half are Christian. It is not a happy situation. Now the kids are grown he trying to get a divorce.
Have you thought about how your children will be raised. Will you be happy if they are forced to go to church. You girlfriend doesn't sound cute to me she sound controlling. You can't force belief. If she loves you she should accept you as you are. Think before you leap man.

unless you and her can really lay down some firm boundries about this issue - that beliefs and non belief issues stay off the table as far as you two go I don't see how . like waves this will wear at even a solid foundation.

what if you had kids ? could you both wait until they were old enough to make up thier own minds ? could you teach them both concepts ? without pushing one or the other ?

My dad is atheist and my mum is catholic. They didn't have to work anything out though because they just got on with their own lives in respect with religion. i.e my dad would drive my mum to church but wait outside because it wasn't his thing, when it came to us kids they just agreed that we would go to catholic school but as soon as school finished it was up to us whether or not we wanted to pursue that faith or go to church etc, as it turned out two of my sisters ended up going back to church as they got older and me and my youngest sister never went near one again.

Having said all that my mum never went down the route of saying to my dad he'll go to hell for not believing (kinda counter-productive if you don't believe in an afterlife).

As has already been said, think before you jump.

Please don't believe that you have no influence over her being less religious, You are a big part of her life and what you think matters to her. She has to accept that you will not believe in the same things she does but at the same time keep her religious beliefs. That is easier said than done she will have to work hard to keep her beliefs and honor yours too. Have you done anything to try and come to an understanding of her beliefs and the same for her? If you want her to respect your belief then you should show respect for hers by trying to understand, Always a pleasure

Hey Dan,

My girlfriend and I are in the same boat as you. Well, not exactly, because it doesn't really affect our relationship too much. She's never brought up concern that I won't go to Heaven with her or anything like that. We both usually just avoid the topic of religion as neither of us are really willing to budge on it. Similar to many other aspects of our relationship. As someone has mentioned before, sometimes you just agree to disagree.

You could always just turn her reasoning around and tell her that's why you two should enjoy the time you have together now.

Knowing how my gf is, I doubt she'd accept that reasoning so you could reference that Corinthians thing that Odd Christian posted. It seems to say that, if you get married, she'll "save" you by being a believer.

I respect my girlfriend's beliefs and personally choose to ignore the issue to avoid conflict. We've got way more trivial things to fight about

So are you atheists/whatever willing to wait until marriage to have intimate relations with your partners ?

After all fornication is a sin. (supposedly)

I think your both doomed, like the rest of us. You have no belief in god, so your in hell for definite if you die in the state of disbelief. Your girl friend is born again, thus she believes god is in her, its just my personal beleif that , to believe that is disbelief. But since she is born again, god is in her, you can just ask her to sort it out, or ask god in her, to sort it out.

She made the first moves in that department, I guess those complications don't concern her...

It doesn't surprise me one bit, I've seen this too often.

I find it to be hypocritical, but it's really none of my business.

I agree, but I dare not venture those woods... rawr

YES lets not start calling the christians hypocrites because hey it works BOTH ways.

What works both ways ?

There is alot of hypocrisy out there. Everyone knows this.

My opinion is this, if she loves you she accept it, also as well i'd tell her, if there was a god then he'll be forgiving of my choice not to believe (he did give us free will apparently) and if he doesn't forgive then hes not the type of god we think he is...

I, personally, have never seen an atheist/believer relationship work in the long run, but I'm sure it's possible. To me it kind of hinges on how serious the relationship is and where it's going to go. I think any two people in love can work out just about anything but when the future is considered it can get a bit more hairy. Obviously children, and how you're going to bring them up, comes to mind.

Another point to consider is how committed the atheist/believer is to their belief (moreso the Christian than the atheist, though hardcore atheists might hold similar problems, I don't know about that). If the Christian doesn't care about things like sex before marriage, then it automatically removes some of the barriers. The less committed they are to their Faith, the more likely they are to compromise on key issues, which is good for their relationship with each other, but not necessarily so good for their relationship with God.

This is the point I was trying to make, In my opinion one of the relationships will suffer.

From our observation, the god relationship suffers "usually."

Hormones win-god loses.

The statistics in the U.S. speak for themselves

I'm going to be very blunt here so please don't take offence - Screw Her. She is not in any way respecting your beliefs and if she really loved you she would accept that you are different and she wouldn't care.

I had the same problem. This girl that was not too smart, but was so godamn hot! Then, after we had been going out for a while things finally got interesting and she says "Im celibilic because Im a Christian" etc. Man, did that ship sink. I say you should sink this ship and move on. She sounds insane.

A theist belives in a central God; an atheist does not. A Christian believes in the existence of Jesus Christ. A Christian Theist believes in God and Jesus Christ. A Christian Athiest believes in no God, but Jesus Christ.

If you are trying explain God, then you are not atheist; that is a theist.
The disagreement here is over the existence of Heaven & Hell and what happens after death to a married couple. Seems to me your girlfriends mind is already married and has 5 or 6 kids, nice 4 bedroom home with 2 baths, couple of dogs and a cat and going thru menopause. . .

^ Girls with ambitious future plans =
Girls with ambitious future plans involving me =

Do you see any contradictions here?

LOL. I take back my earlier advice. Run like hell, man.

Spoken by a Man who will NOT be Trained .
Some women think they have to ''Train" their husbands to be.....
My Aunt used to tell me if she couldn't train a man they were not men

Sorry Sandee, you are very right. I mean't to expand on that personal story by including the fact that she attempted to make me take a celibacy vow, read the bible (Even though I already have) become a christian etc. but didn't because I thought the message got through when in actual fact it just made my post very confusing. Sorry for that.

However I stand by the fact that the girl you are going out with is insane.

I know some have already said this, but in my opinion it's a statement that should be stressed. If she can't respect your beliefs, that's her problem. If she really loves you, that shouldn't affect how she sees you. I think it's possible that people of different beliefs can get along, it doesn't seem all that hard in reality. The only thing you have to have is an open mind. I'm a wicca living in a house with three Christians. We do not discuss religion, we do not do anything religion related with one another, but we're still a very happy family. It's possible to still love someone even if they don't believe the same way you do.

I just personally hate anyone that feels like their religion and beliefs are better than everyone else's, and feel that the world can't be a good place unless EVERYONE is of the same belief. Eh...

Thanks for your help everyone.


Oh, and I just wanted to say one thing.
I appreciate the help, but some of you that I won't name, should show some respect.
My girlfriend is really sweet, and she's not controlling, or insane.
She doesn't want to change me just for the heck of it, like some girlfriends or boyfriend do.
She simply want to stay with me forever, even after death, which is very sweet.

We've been together for almost two years now, and there's no problem big enough that will break our relationship.
Like we both always said, leaving each other won't solve anything, it's never the answer.

Sweet, Good luck to you both, Always a pleasure