Thou shalt not reach out to touch another person's hair if they art a stranger.

The cat shall bless your hair, for it will be Hillbilly germ free!

Woohoo!

thou shalt not saith no

LMAO YA stole that line from "once upon a time in the west" LOL Great movie. Best western i ever seen.

Thou shall not talketh to the movie screen at theaters.

I.E. "Don't open that door girl!" , "Run Girl! I told you nota Open the door! Oh he going da kill you!"

Thoo...I mean thou shanteth...err, shalleth noteth post condoms...um, commandments whilest over indulging in the water hoppy party holy.

Lest unfunny commandments such as above happeneth.

Thou shalt not dig in thou nose in public!!! EWWWWWW

Neither shalt thou spill fine wine on light colored carpets

Thou shalt also only purchase the 'quiet' wrappered concessions from the overpriced concession stand.

*AK-cat recommends sticking to the traditional 'quiet' popcorn and soda. *

lol got me, but its true.

A co-worker I once worked with happen to have both his suspenders and belt on and I remembered that line and mentioned it to him.

I couldn't of remembered what movie that line was from until now. Thanks

Oh yeah

Thou shalt not rip one in the theater full of people.

Thou may sneak a silent one out and blame it on thy kids.

Thou shalt lick up thine alcohol if thou spills it..... to not do so is considered 'alcohol abuse' of the highest order.... lol

(I was informed of this rule by one of my very drunk friends while he was licking his beer off the floor.... )

Thine dog or similar household pet is also a candidate to blame...

Not cats however, for they are sacred

Or touch another persons baby, (man I hated it when complete strangers wanted to touch, kiss, or hold my child. )



Oops I'm guilty, well at home anyway (not in a theater) I practically bounce up and down in my chair not to say anything to my boyfriend. I do manage to control it, but its hard.

I just saw this one. (above)

This is my brothers gospel, I got my quote from him ("Help I've fallen and I can't reach my beer")

Hmm perhaps I have given away my state of mind at the moment?

Actually,it is not Alcohol Abuse.It is considered giving Nature it's due,since all of the ingredients come from Nature...and we should sacrifice a small bit of our beer (or whatever we're drinking) here & there to appease Nature.




Nay!! We dogs will not take the blame for you eating something that gives you bad gas!

You may blame it on children,neighbors,a stranger...or a nearby sewer...but not the dog or cat.

Each time you attempt to blame it on one of us...we will get even.

So how many commandments are we up to now? Someone wanna post a list of them for us?

Hahahaha!! Oh, I love that you can justify just about anything...... Even spilling your beer while you stumble around in a drunken haze....

My turn....

Thou shalt not light thy self on fire beacuse thy sigificant other refuses to have sex with you.

Amen.

Agreed!

Thou shall look at the internets clown or midget sites and shall love thyself, repeatedly before commiting such extreme acts!

It looks like we're up to 121 commandments

1. Thou shalt not wear black socks with sandals while mowing the lawn

2. Thou Shall Not Steal/Shrink a Man's penis.

3. Thou shalt not drive sober whilst in Wisconson

4. Thou Shalt wear a bra with tank tops in the summer so as not to scare adults and small children

5. Thou Shalt Not Accept Any More Tater Tot Covered Hedgehogs From Biff

6. Thall Shalt Not use YouTube Videos as evidence in the UM forums

7. Thou shalt not " slurp " your soup or coffee in public.
ewww yeah or chew with one's mouth open

8. Thou shalt realize that Spandex and Shorts do not mix well with Cellulite.

9. Thou Shall Not Read The Guardian newspaper

10. Thou shalt not belive in any stories from Pravda.com

11. Thou shalt no wear shirt with sayings on them like "Bringing sexy back" "I'm Hot" "Spoiled" and "Princess" if you are a grown ass woman.

12. Thou Shalt Not Grill Naked in a public park.

13. Thou shalt not wear pants with the words "juicy, sexy, hot," or any thing else written to make people look at your axx if your a teenage girl!

14. Thou Shall not wear spedo's and cowboyboots to the beach

15. Thou shalt turn down the volume of your bass pumping rap music so the rest of the drivers on the street can hear their own music

16. Thou shalt not flatulate in elevators

17. Thou Shalt Not Follow Fins Around Anymore In a Public Park

18. Thou SHALL covet they neighbor's beer. Thou Shall also steal thy neighbor's beer

19. Thou Shall sip from thy cup, and then top off thy cup with remaining quarter ounce of Milk left, and rinse out thy milk carton and toss into the recycle bin, and not place back into refrigerator the Milk Carton, with only quarter ounce remaining of milk.

20. Thou shall put lemonpeper or luisianna hotsause on EVERYTHING you eat.

21. Thou shall not talk on their cell and drive, or I will turn my bass up and drown your call out

22. Thou must realize that going into a restaurant 1 minute before they close will make people very angry...and make yourself look like a lazy loser.

23. Thou shalt not create conflicting commandments

24. Thou Shall Not check the mail while in undergarments.

25. thou shall not snort a line of sherbert whilst drunk!

26. Thou shalt not worship American Idols.

27. Thou Shall Not put any Gods before the Cat-God in Biff's avatar.
Lest ye suffer the wrath of the AK wielding kitty

28. Thou Shalt ALWAYS have jelly within thy doughnut.

29. Thou shall not toss thy dog's crap on thy neighbor's lawn.
(But if you do, you should expect it to be tossed back.)

30. Thou shalt drink beer & eat pizza on Friday's

31. Thou shall not balance your checkbook at the cash register.

32. Thou shalt not drive in the fast lane while cars in other lanes are passing you going 65 mph.

33. Thou Shalt have any sexual preference one chooses

34. Nay except for fish, for it is most wicked that sinful man guppy love.

35. Thou shalt not spin more than 4 times around on the ceiling fan while holding the cat."True story"

36. Thou Shall Not have sexual relations with beast of the land, birds of the skies, nor fish of the waters

37. Revised: Thall Shall Not have sexual relations with Fish or beasts of the waters, nor birds

38. Thou shalt learn the proper use of a light switch

39. Thou shalt not have sexual relations with a light switch

40. Thou shalt covet thy neighbors wife ONLY if she's really hot

41. Thou shalt throw frisbees this weekend in honor of our fellow religious brothers the 'Frisbeans'.

42. Thou Shall drink margaritas if thou has had a stressful day.

43. Thou shalt drink... Nuff said...

44. If thou art older than 25,do not attempt to sit in a restaurant for more than 20 minutes past the time you've finished your food,for you are no longer a college kid...and look like you are a loser with no life when you attempt to do so.

45. Thou shalt not eat at McDonald's unlest thy want to throw up like Linda Blair all over interior of car.

46. Thou Shalt and I mean really Shalt, stop walking slowly, so dorky people don't trip over my feet...........

47. Thou shalt take your dog when you go away for the week end so your neighbours arent kept awake at **looks at watch** 1:36am by the constant barking......

48. Thou shalt take your breakfast – (this one baffles Biff)

49. Thou shalt not spit when you talk..if you do, thou shalt hand an umbrella to the person being spit upon before hand.

50. Thou shalt not assume to be the fashion police whilst having your own fashion crisis.

51. Thou shalt add neither meaningless nor humorless commandments to the great Church of the Heavily Armed Cat, lest ye face His wrath!

52. Thou shalt remember to lifteth the toilet seat whence there is a woman in your house. (or grievous bodily harm may result)

53. Thou shalt also remember to put it back down (or grievous bodily harm may result)

54. Thou shalt be advised to cause bodily harm with the toliet seat

55. Thou shalt not hate Mondays, even though they are evil

56. Thou Shalt not..spam

57. Thou Shalt be kind to others...Unless theyre A-Holes..Then Thou Shalt smacketh down the other

58. Thou shalt not change thy baby in a resturaunt then leave thy dirty diaper under the table. (least not on my shift) True story

59. Thou thalt loath Thursdays instead, for they are the days in which I have double-maths at school

60. Thou Shall NOT speak, answer phones, bring small children in a movie theater

61. thou shalt not pass up any greed nor lust oppertunity...or better yet thou shalt not elect any

62. more dumb asses for our goverment (no names)

63. Thou Shall not speak the name 'Bono' of U2.

64. thou shlat not talk to me cuz i dont like you

65. Thou shalt not understand why thee never thought on starting this thy thread before Biff?

66. Thy shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor unless thee is an absolute arseholeth.

67. Thou shalt not blow thy nose while sitting at a table in a restaurant.

68. Thou Shall Not Look Into The Handkerchief After Blowing Thy Nose Anywhere........

69. Thou shall cover ones eyes If in the presence of anything Michael Jackson.

70. Thou shalt not eat a whole pack of Tim Tams with ones coffee!

71. Thou shalt not RAPE TABLES!

72. thou shalt not rape any furniture at all.

73. Thou shall finish thy beer before openning a new one...

74. Revised: Thou shall finish thy cold beer before openning a new one....

75. Thou shalt never drink MY last beer.

76. If thou has just passed all of their exams (like me) thou shalt not gloat about it for fear of divine retribution...

77. Thou Shall NOT open a large department store with only 2 cash registers running!

78. Thou Shall rejoice in all that is little Friday, for it brings forth the comming of the most glorious work day of them all.

79. Thou shalt not wear speedo swimming trunks (for they art evil)

80. Thou shalt not wear anything higher than knee length if thy thighs resemble cottage cheese.

81. Also, thou shalt not wear anything low cut if thy breasts are on thy stomach.

82. Thou Shalt Pay For Beer, If They Lose The Bet!

83. Thou Shalt Make Random Sandwhiches Made Out Of Colgate And Chicken At Three AM if They Are Drunk..... If They Are Sober Then Shame On Them...

84. If thou forget that thou has driven to work and end up walking home,only to end up calling someone for a ride to pick up thy vehicle hours later...it is only fitting that you get teased when you make the mistake of telling thy co-workers about the incident.

85. Thou shalt be excellent to each other.

86. Thou shalt revere any and all dishes that utilize cheese, bacon, and hop-filled beverages.

87. Thou Shalt not play ignorant when pulled over by police for doing 130km an hour in a 80 zone.

88. Thou shalt recognize jolt cola as a holy beverage.

89. Thou shalt not pass gas and blame it on the nearest fourlegged animal.

90. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Buddie's Hot Girlfriend/Mother...

91. Thou shalt keep this crazed puppy's (me) bowl full of Newcastle Brown Ale at all times,for if I have none...I can be more dangerous than His Amazing Biffiness.

92. Thou shalt not ever miss an episode of Dexter.

93. Thous Shalt not allow Butt Cracketh to Showeth - Ever !

94. Though shalt not let thy bare stomach hang out, uncovered over thy pants. Male or Female!!!!

95. Thou shall not wear spandex if thou are over weight. Thou shall not wear a thong if thou has to turn sideways to get through a door.

96. Thou shalt not 'SAG' one's pants... it makes you look stupid.

97. Thou shalt not wear suspenders and a belt with your trousers. It look like you can't trust your pants.

98. Thou shalt make much use of jack-daniels T-shirts...

99. Thou shalt not unlodge lung oysters onto sidewalks so that others slip on them like banana peels

100. Thou shalt take thy screaming brat of a child out of the restaurant so that everyone else may enjoy their meal in peace....

101. Thou shalt not forget that this weekend is Mother's Day weekend

102. Thou shalt make sure, if one is a female, to do her makeup BEFORE she leaves the house, and not be putting on eyeliner and mascara in the rearview mirror whilest speeding down the freeway at 70mph....

103. thou Shall Not complain about gas prices when one drives an SUV

104. Revised: Thou shall not complain about gas prices when one drives an SUV or any other gas-guzzler...nor shall one complain if they tend to: take the long way to get to a destination,go joyriding a lot,not plan out their shopping trips to accomplish the most in less driving time,hop in the car just to go a block away to the party store or other establishment that they could easily walk to,anything else which can be considered dumb and wasteful.

105. Thou shalt resist the murderous and deadly tendancies induced by the continuous "are we nearly there yet's" eminating from the small child sitting behind you on the bus...

106. Thou does have the right to utter the phrase....."Don't maketh me pull thy car over"

107. Thou shalt not hit on ladies at a stop light when thou is in the back seat of thy grandfather's car

108. Thou shalt not miss the toilet while at a friends house while overindulging in holy hoppy party water. Nor shall thy barf on thy friends walls.

109. Thou shall be called dufus, for thy went to my Wednesday 9:00am production meeting on a Tuesday, sitting alone in the confrence room wondering were everybody was!

110. Thou shalt not jordan sneaker SPAM UM

111. Thou shalt not reach out to touch another person's hair if they art a stranger.

112. thou shalt not saith no

113. Thou shall not talketh to the movie screen at theaters.
I.E. "Don't open that door girl!" , "Run Girl! I told you nota Open the door! Oh he going da kill you!"

114. Thoo...I mean thou shanteth...err, shalleth noteth post condoms...um, commandments whilest over indulging in the water hoppy party holy.
Lest unfunny commandments such as above happeneth.

115. Thou shalt not dig in thou nose in public!!! EWWWWWW Neither shalt thou spill fine wine on light colored carpets

116. Thou shalt also only purchase the 'quiet' wrappered concessions from the overpriced concession stand.

117. Thou shalt not rip one in the theater full of people.

118. Thou may sneak a silent one out and blame it on thy kids.

119. Thou shalt lick up thine alcohol if thou spills it..... to not do so is considered 'alcohol abuse' of the highest order.... lol

120. Thou shalt not light thy self on fire beacuse thy sigificant other refuses to have sex with you.

121. Thou shall look at the internets clown or midget sites and shall love thyself, repeatedly before commiting such extreme acts!

Ok kids thiers a quiz in the morning. Start studying!

LMAO! this is a tuff church, Moses only had 10, and most cant even follow them!

I do believe that the founder of The Church Of Biff....that being Biff, for those of you who are as sharp as a bag of wet mice....reserves the right to proclaim one "veto comandment". The veto comandment is the one comandment that will render the previously stated 121 comandments NULL AND VOID if it occurs, correct? It's only fitting, IMO.

thou shalt forever add more commandements to this holy thread...

Thou shalt not wear camouflage unless thou are in the armed forces or hunting innocent woddland critters for consumption..

Thou should never make thy co-workers or managers regret their decisions to hire you,for you can be easily replaced!

Thou shalt NOT fight the love.

subsection 1) All those who wear camouflage (also known as Khaki) so loose that it is impossible to tell whether then are a unipod or not shall be excommunicated on sight.
subsection 2) All those who wear camouflage so tight that individual curves may be shown (be it on the chest area, or buttocks) shall be excommunicated on sight.

All prior exemptions do not apply.

Thou shalt not honk thy car horn repeatedly outside thy friends home for attention.

Especially when thou has cell phone, or arms and legs that work!

Thou shalt get out of thy car, and KNOCK on thy door!!!

Thou shalt not bogart the holy herb. Thou will follow the puff puff pass rule.

ummmm. what does 'bogart' mean...

Thou shall not pronounce a contraction as though it were two words.

Examples:
Couldn't = could-dent
Didn't = did-dent
Wouldn't = would-dent
Shouldn't = should-dent
etc.
etc.
etc.

Since when did "n't" become dent? This totally defies the purpose of a contraction in the first place.

May the Cat of Heavy Firepower correct the tongues of the blasphemers of the English language and help those who are still "hooked on phonics" to find a way to quit their addiction.

Basically it means to be stingy, not share, keep it to your self.

IF thou is rich they must not eat steak and lobster at every meal... It makes me feel poor, and makes you look like an ass....

Amen!!

Origin: possibly during the 1960s as a drug reference. The band Fraternity of Man has a song called "Don't Bogart Me," circa the late 1960s. Lyrics include: "Don't bogart that joint, my friend, pass it over to me." It has been theorized that the term is an allusion to Humphry Bogart, an American actor who always had a cigarette hanging from his lips. To "bogart" a joint, then, would be letting it hang from one's lips without passing it on.


Though shalt not leave 1ml of coffee in the pot at work and walk away leaving the task of making another pot up the guy who REALLY needs his coffee right away.

I need to post this one up at work!!

Thou shalt not say "Woo!" to someone with a mouthfull of chewing tobacco. It sounds stupid and the juice running down your face doesn't help.

Some driving Commandments:

Thou shall not wear a John Deere cap, with a cigar in your mouth, driving a vehicle in the color champagne, only going 30 mph in a 55 mph zone.

Thou shall not pull out in front of me when my speed is 55 mph and thouest decideth to only drive 30 mph.

Thou shall not drive any more when thou cannot pee without hitting the toilet seat (for both men and women).

Thou shall not drive any more when thou no longer can see over the dash board.

Thou shall not drive when thou can only driveth 30 mph in a 55 mph zone.

Thou shall NEVER pee on the seat.

AHH Thou shalt not mention clowns for they are scary.

Thou shalt regardeth biting as the only expression of love, and thou shalt love everyone.

Thou shalt burneth all care bears and replace them with swear bears.

..Damn Skippy.

I call that Saturday night / Sunday morning, no particular order! Except my vehicle is blue.

Thou shalt eat of a plentiful bounty of cheesecake, set out by your neighbors but without their knowledge whilst donning the garb of a third-world dictator.

Thou shalt not smoke a pipe in the street unless you are Really old...

Then thou art exempt.

Aww... but I look so cool doing it...

If Thou Can't Say Something Nice, Thou Shalln't Say Nothing At All as proclaimed by St. Thumper

Keeping in line with the smoking commandments I've seen:

Thou shalt remember the date 4/20 and keep it holy. lol.

LOL! Yes the HOLY HERB DAY!

Thou shalt not find conspiracies around every corner.

Oh MAN! Theres is somethingsexy about a woman smoking a pipe......wait.....thats a cigar. NM......