http://www.nwherald.com/articles/2008/05/1...28321134722.txt


"Here are five of their tips:

GET A CHILD'S ATTENTION

Be physically in the child's presence when speaking. Make eye contact, and touch him on the shoulder or hand to get his attention. The authors recommend creating a "listen to me signal," like turning off the light or ringing a bell.

BREAK UP TASKS INTO PIECES

It's important to have clear endings and beginnings to activities and to give specific directions broken into manageable steps. For instance, instead of saying, "Clean up this mess," they recommend saying, "Put all the cars into this bin then put it on the shelf in your bedroom."

Rice, now a third-grade teacher with two daughters ages 11 and 13, said she started using the "Not Done" pouch because she knows how, even as an adult, it's hard to put a project down that isn't finished. "In a child it's just manifesting so much more in their feelings," she said.

PLAY IS IMPORTANT

True play isn't participating in organized sports or playing computer games. It involves children using their imagination, such as using wooden blocks to build a roadway for race cars.



CREATE A ROUTINE

For reluctant sleepers, follow a relaxing, consistent routine every night to build toward bedtime. Parents can sprinkle "sandman's dust" or baby powder over children before sleep, or rub "sleep potion" or body lotion on arms and legs as a gentle massage. Once in bed, parents can offer a gentle back, face or head rub, play soft music or whisper a special message.

USE QUIET TIME

Some teachers feel the concept of a "time out" has become overused and punitive. The authors suggest approaching a child gently before the quiet time with words like "You could use a quiet time to relax." That allows children to save face with their friends. They also recommend giving a child a quiet journal so the child can express his or her frustration and then focus on what can be done the next time. "

the one thing that always works,,

look them dead in the eye and say real camly,,
this is gonna hurt you alot more then its gonna hurt me,
put them over your knee,,or grab them by th elbow and whip them in a circular motion,,gets there attention everytime.

do that once or twice and youll be amazed at ow they start to listen to you the first time,and even use manners wile doing it.

i would never do that ..

LOL rudeboy.......Although these are all great idea's from the "experts", each child is different...Suggestions are always good, we've tried a few of these, some worked and some didn't....Each day is different along with each child's moods..So what works for some, doesn't for others....

haha my step dad actually said that to me when he walked into my room to give me a whiping one day,,
ive only whiped my daughter a few times,and ive never even left a mark,,but it does get her attention,,,to be honest the threat of a whiping is all it takes,,when everything else has failed....all i have to do is say...hey you want me to crack your ass again and she knows im not playing anymore and says no sir and stops whatever it is she was doing..

the things i do,do are..
i never stand over my daughter when i correct her,i dont want her to have to look up to me in fear,ill back away or ill sit down and tell her to come to me so were are at eye level,even tho i talk to her sternly i dont point my finger in her face,,,and after every talk no matter what i tell her i love her and she kisses me on the cheek,haha even when she is on her way to her room grounded.

ill aske her if she understands what im telling her and make her repeat it,ill also make her repeat the outcome if she dosnt make the adjustments needed,,that way she knows exactly whats expected either way.

i dont believe in guilt trips.

2. golden rules in my house,
no matter what you do ill always love you,even when your being punished
no matter what you do your not realy introuble untill you lie to me..then all bets are off

so far its worked out...i like to joke about whipings because i got so many growing up,,,,im not scared to do it but i save it for seriouse matters,,,not everyday things

I always found with my kids and grandkids that sitting them down and talking about what they did was wrong, worked better than a punishment...Then they would have to sit and think about it...that killed them, sometimes they sat for an hour If that didn't work, then the next step was taken which was bikes, tv, etc., taken away from them and they couldn't go in their room because they had everything and anything under the sun to play with...spankings were few and far between, but the threat scared them...Now with my two teenage grandchildren it's another story, like batting my head agaiinst a wall... Damn kids know everything...

i remember one time my ol man,blew a gasket over some grades,did the usual screaming and sent me to my room,,few minuts later he walked in my room,took my stero,tv, and anything that looked like it was fun,he made about 5 trips,,,,,not ten minuts later he walked onto my room shut the ac vent and unscrewed my light bulb haha and told me if he could figure out how to take air from me i wouldnt be allowed to breath..i sat there in the dark wanting to laugh but knowing it would be the last thing i ever did haha..


my mom came in my room about a hour later with my light bulb she was trying to hold back a smile when she said im lucky i get this back,,hahaha we laugh about it all the time now my step dad was very creative and lost his temper real easy,,but i was a handful and asked for a lot of what i got

On the lightbulb...your step dad sounds like a piece of work I think we're the only two here talking to each other....

ha yea looks like it
mademoiselle good for starting treads about random stuff but not to fond of follow up...

The opening post sounds fairly reasonable to me . I have never actually had to smack my children. there only young yet (8 . 3 and 18 months ) but i still dont think it will be an option . I just dont like the idea of striking a defenceless child it seems to me that its a sign of us ourselves losing control . and i really can't see how children learn that hitting is wrong if we ourselves do it too them . Saying that though i was hit a few times as a teenager by my father when i had done something really bad . It never did me any harm and i have an enormous amount of respect for him but it isnt something that feels right for me .

We have a reward system in our house that works rather well . ie

A little help with the tidying /chores (age appropriate) earns them tv time or computer time . this ensures for us that they dont spend too much time sat playing video games and eacxh child also knows that when time is up its up . no arguments .

Good behaviour towards others and around the house (sharing etc . not fighting ) for a full day earns them their pocket money . if they do something wrong it is taken for that day and they get nothing .

But at the end of the day kids are kids and we can't expect them to be good all the time so we have to account for that . which we do, sometimes a look is all thats needed to let them know that what they are doing wont be accepted . but i never demand respect from them, I have to earn it just as they do with mine . so far its working out well for us . but each child is different and it really can't be a one size fits all when it comes to kids IMO you have to know what works and what doesnt for each individual.

SS

I was enjoying reading the stories! Come on, we need more! LOL.

The OP is all nice and good, but try to deal with a hyperactive kid every day. My poor nephew has food allergies, and if he gets something that has just a hint of wheat or milk in it, good luck keeping him under control. I just kick him out of the house and hope that he can run some of the energy off. Spanking him does no good, because he really doesn't get what he is doing is wrong, but to cleanse his body of all the toxins caused by his allergies could take up to 6 months. But, my daughter on the other hand....she knows when she has pushed too far and gets a swat on the butt. Kids aren't stupid, they know when they have pushed too far and have done things they shouldn't have. If you don't punish them for the little things, then it's too late ecause the big things are so major it's scary.

I hear you, my kids used to push me against the wall, and stupid - no way-they know how to push your buttons...I just put a post up over at Back Page News about a sleep deprived toddler...These parents must be going through hell.....

I used all those tactics with my daughter (especially breaking up tasks, and getting attention which I also consider part of "clarity" of expectations)... never had to lay a hand on her once. In fact, I'm fairly certain, I only raised my voice maybe 2 times in 20 years.

I never even took her things from her or used time out... there were a couple of times she was so overwound and overloaded I did dump her in my room to allow her to scream it out. She was generally asleep within 3-5 minutes. LOL.

ROFL i'lll have to try that

I don't have any children so my usual "how to deal with kids" involves "give into anything and then ship them home". I did work in a daycare in college and that was completely different. The main thing I remember using is time outs, which generally meant sitting down and holding Christopher by the arms in a corner so he couldn't hurt you, himself or anyone else until he stopped screaming and calmed down enough to apologize to whichever child he had just bodily assaulted.

I only remember ever spanking a child one time. I was babysitting my brother's girlfriend's little girls. They were terribly undisciplined and there was a neighbor man who'd shown up outside that I was afraid of. (I was pretty sure he was high, for one thing, and he had a reputation for being violent.) There was no phone in the house, no one within shouting distance, and the older girl wanted to go out and play and kept trying to unlock the door and sneak outside. Finally I swatted her backside a couple of times and she went to her room and cried. I think she was shocked, more than anything, because I usually never even raise my voice. It can't have hurt her because, even though I was scared, I couldn't bring myself to hit very hard. I felt stupid doing it and was actually surprised it had any effect at all.

This stuff is obviously geared toward the classroom. How many parents would flash the lights or ring a bell to get their kids attention?

The number one thing I see parents NOT doing that they should is teaching the kids what to do, instead of teaching them what NOT to do. Its like the "put the toy cars in this bin" thing. Tell them what you expect, then deal with willful breaches of expectations as they arise.



I use a system rather like this for my older son (my younger one is autistic and doesn't understand the concept).

Hyperactive kids. . yeah. . .My son is hyperactive. . .and he's quite cheeky, too. . .he's only three, but he's about the most sarcastic little thing I've ever seen in my life. I've gone through all the "parenting" books and guidelines. .. None of the typical things seems to work most of the time. I've spanked him before, only to be met with hysterical laughter. . . not very encouraging. . . Done the "time out" thing. . .haha. . That didn't even come close to working. I think the only thing that has worked the most is TV. Spongebob comes on in the afternoons, and that's the only tv he cares to watch. . .If I threaten "No spongebob." he tends to straighten up pretty quick. If it weren't for Spongebob I think I'd be in an asylum pulling out all my hair by now.

The concept is the same though. I HAVE flicked lights on and off at home. But more frequently I'll do something outlandish to get a kids attention. Which has even included singing (punishment in and of itself), clapping, hopping on one foot... No act is too shameless to get the kids attention. LOL. Anything to get them to pull up short dumbfounded for 5 seconds so I can insinuate my point into their wee-little misfiring brains. haha.

My 4yo neice is very active, very single minded and because of my odd-ball tactics with her, she's never quite sure what to expect from me... I always see her giving the furry eyeball thinking "what's that crazy Aunt Nik gonna do next?" She's always perfectly behaved around me. She finds me hilarious, but she's a little leary of me too wondering when I'm finally going to fall of the edge. LOL.

That would not work here, I have been giving them heck for flickering the lights, LOL.

Haha, my dad's got a temper. When we were younger, he used to spank us. Then it got to the point where i was more afraid of him yelling... so now I'm... the most responsible of us three. I never like hearing my dad yell. It's worse than a very bad storm.

Tactics not mentioned:

• Benedryl in the milk that goes with the cookies...
• 20 child size treadmills instead of desks. Idle hands are the tools of the devil...
• Playskool Pocket Tazer ™.

yep, im glad i got smacked.. made me the person i am today..

Oh, I do that - jump into the room and try out for the opera. My little guy covers his ears and yells, "Noooo!" in a very dramatic voice, and my eldest has actually cried out, "Mom, stop! I'll do anything!"

But then it has to be understood that there are some children who are actually very good at disciplining themselves. A push in the right direction once in a while is all you need.

You forgot the rubber mallet. Works good in our house!

Usually the deep commanding voice of a male works... "Don't do that....or else"

But some females can be equality effective.
I just think men generally have more 'sense of menace' in the voice....the kid really knows he/she's crossed the line.

Heh heh. Defenseless. They don't know my kids.

Actually, we stopped spanking our kids when they were old enough to reason for themselves. Then, just a good talking to usually worked.

I tried time out once--put the little heathen in the corner as punishment. He started pealing my wallpaper.

I have great kids, now. One is graduating this May--he has straight A's and has a scholarship to College. (First year is paid for.) The second was just nominated as Sophomore of the Month at school. He's a great kid--they both are. I'm very proud. I think we did something right.

My sister never spanked her kids. She is still going to therapy with her daughter. Hm. I wonder.

Well, kids need to know that there are some behaviors that are just unacceptable. My daughter has a lot of friends, she doesn't need me as one, she has a mom who is there for her, and guides her. Because I love my daughter, she is taught that there are repercussions when she doesn't behave as she should. The last thing I want is her going to jail or getting hurt because she didn't listen to the rules.

You dont think she looks at you in fear when you threaten her with whipping her again? I know I would..she might behave but it is out of fear of your physical strength not from respect for you.