Conquistador Instant Coffee
An office. Boss is reading a book, 'Chinese for Business Men'. He tries out a few Chinese words. There is a knock at the door.
Boss: Come in. (Mr Frog comes in) Ah, Frog.
Frog: S. Frog, sir.
Boss: Shut up, I want to have a word with you, Frog.
Frog: S. Frog, sir.
Boss: Shut up. It's about your advertising campaign for Conquistador Coffee. Now, I've had the managing director of Conquistador to see me this morning and he's very unhappy with your campaign. Very unhappy. In fact, he's shot himself.
Frog: Badly, sir?
Boss: No, extremely well. (lifts up a leg belonging to a body behind desk, and holds up a card saying 'joke') Well, before he went he left a note with the company secretary (opens a nearby door; a dead company secretary falls out), the effect of which was how disappointed he was with your work and, in particular, why you had changed the name from Conquistador Instant Coffee to Conquistador Instant Leprosy. Why, Frog?
Frog: S. Frog, sir.
Boss: Shut up. Why did you do it?
Frog: It was a joke.
Boss: A joke? (holds up card saying 'joke')
Frog: No, no not a joke, a sales campaign. (holds up a card saying 'No, a Sales Campaign')
Boss: I see, Frog.
Frog: S. Frog, sir.
Boss: Shut up. Now, let's have a look at the sales chart. (indicates a plummeting sales graph) When you took over this account, Frog, Conquistador was a brand leader. Here you introduced your first campaign, 'Conquistador Coffee brings a new meaning to the word vomit'. Here you made your special introductory offer of a free dead dog with every jar, and this followed your second campaign 'the tingling fresh coffee which brings you exciting new cholera, mange, dropsy, the clap, hard pad and athlete's head. From the House of Conquistador'.
Frog: It was a soft-sell, sir
Boss: Why, Frog?
Frog: S. Frog, sir.
Boss: Shut up! Well?
Frog: Well, people know the name, sir.
Boss: They certainly do know the name - they burnt the factory down. The owner is hiding in my bathroom (shot heard) - the owner was hiding in my bathroom. (holds up 'joke' card again)
Frog: You're not going to fire me, sir?
Boss: Fire you? Three men dead, the factory burnt down, the account lost and our firm completely bankrupt, what... what... what ... can you possibly say? What excuse can you possibly make?
Frog: Sorry, father. (holds up the 'joke' card)
Boss: Oh, yes. Oh, incidentally your film's won a prize.
How to feed a Gold Fish
Adman: Well last week on Fish Club we learnt how to sex a pike ... and this week we're going to learn how to feed a goldfish. Now contrary to what most people think the goldfish has a ravenous appetite. If it doesn't get enough protein it gets very thin and its bones begin to stick out and its fins start to fall off. So once a week give your goldfish a really good meal. Here's one specially recommended by the board of Irresponsible People. First, some cold consommé or a gazpacho (pours it in), then some sausages with spring greens, sautée potatoes and bread and gravy.
(He tips all this into the bowl. An RSPCA man rushes in, grabs the man and hauls him off.)
RSPCA Man: All right, come on, that's enough, that's enough.
Adman: ... treacle tart ... chocolate cake and ...
Voice Over (and CAPTION:):'THE RSPCA WISH IT TO BE KNOWN THAT THAT MAN WAS NOT A BONA FIDE ANIMAL LOVER, AND ALSO THAT GOLDFISH DO NOT EAT SAUSAGES. (the man still shouting) SHUT UP! ... THEY ARE QUITE HAPPY WITH BREADCRUMBS, ANT'S EGGS
(The last four words are crossed out in the caption.)
Voice Over: Who wrote that?
"Stop IT.....!" . God...so funny. 
and rendering his hand useless and numb, then his leg and then his forehead and the skit is hilariously funny 
I loved The Carol Burnette Show. 
